~ Characters? ?/5
You are introduced to a few characters so far. The MC and his dad. Felix and Astrid. Charlotte, Claire and Iris. However, we don’t really know anything about any of them, not enough for me to give a solid opinion on them either way. Charlotte seems cool so far, the MC’s dad is a prick. That’s about it.
The only thing I will say I dislike about the MC and his behaviour thus far is his insta-hard-on obsession with Charlotte. Like yeah, she's pretty, but she's still his dad's woman. I'd appreciate it if he could calm down a little, maybe focus on Iris, Claire and the daughters for now, then circle back on Charlotte a little later. But him immediately acting like a horny dog, constantly monologuing about how beautiful and sexy she is was a little off-putting.
~ Character Models? 4/5
I’ll give this a 4 out of 5 for now. From what I’ve seen, I like the girls, and the MC actually looks good for once (asides from his unfortunate package). I can’t count how many harem games I’ve played where the MC is supposed to be a smooth talking chick magnet, but he looks like a rat. So this MC was a nice change of pace. I’ll be curious to see the wider cast of girls and also how they look naked. Some authors nail that stuff, others not so much.
~ Dialogue, Story and overall Writing? 3/5
I have to go with a 3 here. There is a lot of promise with this game, it just needs some polish and expansion. As for why I feel this way, read below.
First and foremost. The writing feels very stiff a lot of the time. There are a lot of wordy sentences that seem to drag on a tad too long and places where contractions/slang would do a lot of good in smoothening out the flow of the writing and conversations.
An early example is right in the intro. It says:
"Just before turning 18, your mother left your father without explaining why she had to go and left you behind. When you asked your father why she left, he would either get angry or not answer."
I feel like it could sound and feel a little smoother with something like this:
"Just before your eighteenth birthday, your mother left your father without a word of explanation, leaving you behind in the process. Anytime you asked him why she left, he would only respond with anger or silence."
Another example would be during your first conversation with your father. The MC says:
"Hey, Dad, I'm doing all right. I've been very busy with school work, my exams are coming up at the end of this month. How have you been?"
Firstly, it should be 'alright' not 'all right.' Just a minor gripe. But again, overall, the sentence feels very stiff, not like conversations I'm used to having. Especially not with family. You could maybe try something like this instead:
"Hey Dad, I'm alright. Been busy with school. Exams are coming up at the end of the month, so lots of late night cramming. What about you?"
Again, less redundant words in some places and more words in others. I feel like that's a bit more natural sounding. A little less robotic. But eh, what do I know?
Also, the argument they have feels a little unrealistic. MC has every right to be angry when suddenly finding out that not only had his dad gotten together with someone else, but she and her daughters had moved into his childhood home. I know I would feel betrayed in that situation.
And then, the father follows up by saying that he's a grown man and doesn't need to tell the MC a 'damn thing' about his life. And it's like, yeah, fair, but if that's how you really feel, then I seriously doubt you actually care about your son, so why are you trying so hard to get him to come back?
Side note. He also gets salty over the MC using the word 'goddammit,' like come on.
And then, even more than that, he literally threatens to cut off his son's funding for schooling, leaving him alone in a foreign country with a massive school bill all because he's hesitant to come home – and rightly so.
I don't know if it gets better as I haven't gotten that far yet, but the MC's dad is a massive fucking prick so far. I really appreciate that the MC stuck to his guns and stayed in Germany, working his ass off to provide for himself.
The next thing that sorta threw me off was the MC's first meeting with Charlotte. She tells you that she can give you a tour of the house after getting some refreshments, and I don't understand why.
There is zero logical explanation as to why she wouldn't know that you used to live there with your father, so when she first said that, I assumed maybe they had done some renovations since the last time he was there, but no, right after that you're given a choice whether or not to tell her you know the house already.
And then, a little later, when the MC is back from his walk and watching T.V, he says to Charlotte: “Yeah, it's nothing. Just a little strange being back here after all this time.” And it's like, yeah, maybe he's just talking about being back in the city where he grew up, but again, there's no reason for Charlotte not to know that it is his childhood home.
But then, right after, he says quite directly: "It's also a little weird that it isn't only me here. Before I left for Germany, I was usually left alone in this house." So, somehow she doesn’t know that this is his childhood home, and you’re given an option not to tell her, but then, he blurts it out later on anyway, something which she doesn't act surprised about, which leads you to believe that she does know about it being your childhood home. But that just circles back to the original complaint. Why did she offer to give a tour if she knew he'd lived there before?
Idk, that plot point just threw me off a little. I won’t ramble about it any longer.
Also, during your first meeting, the MC and Charlotte repeat themselves regarding her daughters. Charlotte first mentions on the stairs that “the girls are still away at school,” which surprises the MC because he only knew of one of them.
However, right after that, when the MC is sitting at the dinner table, Charlotte says to him; "my girls are off studying as well", which prompts the MC to once again act surprised at the multiple daughters. Something he should be well aware of now, considering they just talked about it.
Another small error during day two is just after the MC has a flashback of Felix and Astrid, when he and Charlotte are telling each other their plans. Charlotte says: “Okay, I think I am just going to relax and take a little stroll in the park,” but I think that was supposed to be the MC talking and just got incorrectly tagged as Charlotte.
This is also another example of stiff writing. You don’t need to write ‘I am’ every time. Contractions exist for a reason. “Okay, I’ll just relax a bit, maybe take a stroll through the park later.” This sounds much less robotic and much more like a normal conversation people would have.
Side note: Charlotte’s new hairstyle is a definite downgrade. She looks like a long haired Karen now.
When it comes to the interactions with Iris, everything was just way too fast. You go to a café with her to catch up, but you only talk about a couple of subjects, and both are over instantly.
The first is sprung by you telling her about Claire's offer, which leads to telling you that Iris is her secretary, but that's it. Immediately it jumps into the voice of the world, telling us about how the MC and Iris talked about everything that had happened over the last couple of years, but we don't get to hear any of it. I'm curious about what might have happened, too, you know? I want to learn more about Iris.
The second thing you talk about is something that had been bothering the MC.
When the MC told Iris he was leaving for Germany four years ago, she was mad about it, but the MC didn't know why. After all this time, the MC wanted to ask her why she'd been angry, but just as she was about to answer him, the coffee shop closes, cutting off their conversation.
Now, the shop closing while you are still talking implies that the both of you had been there for a while chatting about the good old days; however, with how little actually gets said on-screen to us, the readers, the whole scene and interaction feels shallow.
After leaving, you are given the option to walk her home. If yes, the gas pedal, which was already at full throttle, gets slammed right through the floor. Iris kisses you, answering the question as to why she'd been angry with him leaving.
I would have been totally fine with it ending like this. Passion overflowing after seeing each other again after so long. Forgotten feelings surging back up within. A sudden kiss like that was totally normal and expected.
It should have ended there, leaving you something to look forward to in future interactions. But it doesn't. She then pulls you inside, and you have sex. It was too fast, with not enough build-up, and so, for me, the scene felt really underwhelming.
Now, this is where the content ends, so I'll tidy up this part of my review here, but there is just one final thing I'd like to touch on.
I've played a lot of games. And, in a lot of those games, the MC has an ultra-unrealistic and honestly gross mini-bat for a dick. However, this game breaks that stereotype; only it takes it a little too far the other way...
So my question is: Why is the MC's dick so small?!
Iris grabs your dick with one hand. Only one small, dainty female hand, and it covers the MC's whole dick! Like damn, why'd you have to do him dirty like that? Look, I appreciate the author breaking the mini-bat for a dick trend, but come on, the MC needs a bit of an upgrade there.
~ Art? 4/5
The world and scenes look good. No complaints here.
~ Animations? 0/5
There are no animations yet.
~ Sounds? 0/5
There is no BGM or sound effects.
~ Final Thoughts?
So, to wrap it all up. I liked it so far, but the interactions need to be fleshed out, so they don’t feel so brief and shallow. And perhaps the author could get a beta reader to check things over and maybe smooth out the writing, but other than that, it’s fine. A dick upgrade for the MC here, a little BGM there. Add in some animations or, at the very least, some more interactive sex scenes, and you’re good.
I hope everyone who reads this has a nice day/evening.
