VN - Ren'Py - Beneath the Surface [v0.25] [Ava Interactive]

VERSION: v.025
SUMMARY: Not too bad, but sadly wont do better than 2-3 stars, the developer steps into many known negatives, read more below.
RATINGS: (out of 5):

NOTE: The following are my own criteria and may require more context, so keep an open mind.

1. Models: 3
2. Animations: 0
3. General Visuals: 3
4. Characters: 3
5. Story/Pacing: 2
6. Writing/Dialogue: 3
7. UI & Gameplay: 3
8. Content Quality: 3
9. Sounds & Music: 0
10. H-Content & Fetish: 0

Average: X of 50 possible points giving a X% rating i.e. X stars.

SIDE NOTE: I may use words that come across as derogatory or perhaps rude, but its not personal, often just to add emphasis to something so read it with its intention i.e. friendly criticism.

PROS:

1. Models look good, LIs are attractive
2. Visually the game looks pretty good
3. Writing is not bad, it reads well and is structured fine with not too much mindless drivel.
4. Interesting story for sure, nothing earth shattering but still cool.

CONS:

1. The LIs do not blend well into the scenes, looks very out of place. Not being a graphic artist I can't articulate what exactly is wrong, but often the LIs stand out, do not blend with the environment, looks stark as if the models are just cut and dropped into the frame with no extra work.
2. Dialogue is generally not bad, but clearly can get messy quickly and not make sense or flow correctly from one scene to the next.
3. Models look TOO "clean" too "smooth" unnatural and plastic. There is also a haziness to model textures sometimes, out of focus, when there shouldn't be, like around eyes, its not natural.
4. Narration is annoying, the dialogue, scene and imagery should reflect whats said to player and the intended emotion, showing "smile" or "hug but not seeing it or "feeling" the moment doesn't really make those moments special.
5. Some questionable writing, "ooh I dropped the..." Maya being so clumsy, in 20 renders she dropped/spilled something 3 times, at this point I would think there is a neurological issue. This kinda makes you think the dev has got no good ideas or ways to implement scenes as they have to revert to the same methods too often...
6. Jarring start, simply because of the plot is hidden initially for no good reason and creates zero intrigue or mystery.
   Spoiler: Unrealistic Spoiler

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   This is really not a mystery and a very silly thing to hide as the start actually annoyed me.
7. Mini-games don't do it for me, most of the time they just annoying reflex or memory puzzles that I get enough from IRL, plus they only slow the pace of the game and add nothing to the story.
8. WORST thing you can do, is provide several options and all but one lead to game over...this kind of thing, I have no words to describe the level of irritation it creates, the choice should not exist!
9. Highly annoying emotional waffling, there is simply too much "we care about you", "you are important", "our lives are not complete without you", "we are here for", Hug, hug, hug...bullshit happening. The MC does not seem to make a move or commit to Maya in any way to suggest a relationship beyond friendship, even though all these terms of endearment are happening ad nauseam. This is happening not just with Maya but other LIs also, the MC is a sissy and beta IMO.

FINAL REMARKS, OPINIONS & SUGGESTIONS:

• I get trying to create some emotional connection and such, but the dev goes about it wrong and it becomes unnatural, the MC is always "there for whoever" to such an extent that one wonders if the MC gets off on others emotional status like some vampire. Yet this seems catching as the MCs long lost friend put him in a shit position, one no good friend would do and then emotionally guilt trips him. I clearly didnt pick the LI option because she is an emotional vampire and a weak individual. Whats more is the MC is totally reasonable and gets guilted after the fact. This is a crappy choice and poor design to the story simply because its not an impossible situation, its not a nice one but completely reasonable one not to support the LI who's dad is ALWAYS doing poorly. I suggest change this...you end up causing resentment for a LI by your players IMO.
• Clearly takes some ideas from games like "Detroit - become human" but in that game the player steps into a world that may not make sense for us to live in but we come to understand that androids are part of society Here its hidden for no good reason IMO simply to create apparent air of mystery which it doesn't. Nothing here will be new so I would suggest do not try and be too vague and mysterious, just let the game progress at a reasonable pace. I think its safe to say players have seen most of it all by now and if you draw it out, you just frustrate and lose your audience IMO

I had a bit of difficulty reviewing this, as I wanted to give something for the dev to use but also the games methods of how the plot unfolds and some choices I do not agree with just made me want to skip it completely.

The nail in the coffin really is when you use words like "breathing" and treat what is clearly an android/machine, like it is human at least at this point of the game, the MCs attachment doesn't make sense its all too forced. Whats worse is the fact that the MC fights the removal of Maya, breaks in later, gets caught, breaks in again, gets Maya and goes straight home, you telling me that the "bad guys" do not know it IS him? They would have been waiting at his house before he got there!.

First impressions matter, so careful of releasing a game too soon as the reviews can do more harm than good.

Show, don't tell! Come on, that's the basics.

Seeing narration in every line of dialogue, and often even longer than the dialogue itself, made it impossible to immerse myself in the way I enjoy when I read a good story.

The scene where Maya and the protagonist's little daughter are REPEATEDLY attacked in public and in front of the protagonist, and he does absolutely nothing about it was absurd and unrealistic, anyone in that situation would react to protect those important to him, even if on impulse.

And right after that, the protagonist watches Maya being dragged against her will while she screams for help, and he stands there and lets it happen, and no one showed him any document indicating their rights to do what they did.

I can't, there are so many things wrong with this story, and it's caused by bad writing.

Good renders, hot woman, but....

The MC is a coward and a liar, he sees both his daughter and a his "girl" which he supposedly cares about being abused and yet he does nothing, and later yaps about love and caring for each other..... bruh, words are worth nothing if you do nothing when it matters. Actions>>>>>words.

Later she gets taken away, in that case it is more believable that he can't do much, but since it is a trend already that he can't do shit then it just makes him look bad yet again.

So the main character is too much of a coward right now, making the experience of playing as him not very enjoyable.

EDIT: It seems the dev changed slightly the protest scene, will have to check how it is now.

That said, there's some things intriguing about the story, what the women are. And their looks are great, extremely attractive, so I will give this a chance to get better since it looks like it will actually focus on romance and relationships, it could be good

Great scripts makes you feel every joy and heartbreak as if they were your own. And this certainly does that for me. Maya has captured my heart. I wouldn't be surprised if this was made into a short film or something. The narration is that good. And the twist, well I certainly didn't see that coming.

At the moment of my review (v0.1), this game don't have ANY sex content, and the story isn't captivating, and that's bad because the first impression is important. The renders are nice. This game looks like one of those Super Ultra Mega Slow Burn Games that don't even explore a good variety of kinks and you can play with both hands in front of your parents.

Personally, I think this may be the best written adult VN I have come across. It does give a AI ish feel, because it is that well of a script. Whatever it is, it works for me, but I'm just a old stoner playing the above-mentioned games. Got my support on P.

This is really good. At first i thought the text was too much like AI generated text, but by the time I figured out the twist, it makes perfect sense. Outstanding beginning! I'm looking forward to the next chapter.