VN - Ren'Py - Beneath the Surface [v0.38] [Ava Interactive]

The idea is great and the renders are nice. But the way the story is presented makes the pacing feel completely off. Constantly describing how mc feels about things makes reader disconnect from him and breaks immersion. Scenes are short and interactions feels stunted.
Very little is done in setting the stage, characters lacking background and almost no world building. No real explation as to how or why mc and his daughter was appointed an android. Also it seems that despite however long Maya has been with them Lily still don't realize that Maya is an android, but random protesters in the street instantly recognize her as not being human.
Then how is it even possible that in an age with lifelike androids and ai, that when the company that made Maya decides to take her back to be "fixed" mc is not notified in any way shape or form, just a bunch dudes in suits shows up and drags her away.
Then a new android just shows up at their door to take over Maya's role and MC acts even more immature towards her than the daughter, throwing tantrums and behaving like he blames her. Seems like several days have past and he appearantly still has no information on what happened to his previous android. Then he makes some plan to break into their factory to "save" her. And yeah this is where I get off this trainwreck, the story just makes no sense at all. The whole thing needs a rewrite

I like novels with original faces. In most games, the same characters are everywhere. And the plot is unusual. Good luck to the author. I especially liked Ava. A very pretty girl. I wonder how the plot will unfold next.

So far the story is flowing well, the developer listens to criticism and suggestions and improves as it progresses, the story is good, a mix of science fiction with family issues and the past, and there are still many mysteries and unanswered things that the game brings that feed the story, in short, a good game that I will continue following to see how it will end.

The renders are decent but none of the models are attractive to me.

The dialogue and writing feel like they were generated by an LLM. The scenes feel like they were generated by an LLM. One of the main characters is an android, an AI android, and yet EVERYONE talks like an AI.

So it makes me wonder if there was actually any human effort put into this game, rather than the LLM that made it? Aside from the graphics? Unless those were AI generated as well.

This is a hard one to rate in some ways. I kind of like the models, but the rendering of them isn't great. It's kind of a "if they were done better, I'd find them more attractive" thing. Weirdly, Lily seems to be the most consistently done. Emily is occasionally ok too. But the contrast of Ava's face with her eyes just looks bad in most scenes. I'd say she actually looks better in the darker/poorly lit scenes than in the bright/well lit areas.

A lot of the narration is terrible and really difficult to read. It comes across like someone tried to write a screenplay or something maybe? And just used that as the whole dialogue? As if someone is trying to set the scene for each camera shot. Those should really be internal notes for the production - not make it into the actual dialogue. Combine that with the... I don't know what to call them... emotions... in-line with the dialogue and it's a REALLY hard read.

(Shaking his head, eyes filled with warmth)
(Smiling)
(Shouting)

Honestly, 100% unnecessary, every single one of them. I literally cringe reading these along with the dialogue. I pushed through as far as I could and just couldn't do it. The shouting one might actually be the dumbest. There's already a well-known method of display shouty text. IT'S LIKE THIS - HOW DID YOU GET THAT WRONG?

The concept of the story is the only real thing giving this more than 1 star. But like others have mentioned, the actual storytelling is just not good. The constant back and forth of the past and present is awful. If you want to give some background, just do it. Emily's history doesn't need to be 10 tiny jumps back in time. There's no reason we can't be caught up on Emily in one set of flashbacks.

And the idea that this guy can sneak into some super secure R&D facility, escape with a decommissioned android that the same company had just taken from him, and they did not IMMEDIATELY chase him home and beat down his door is mind boggling. There is no timeline where they don't know who did it and where that person is. But it takes literal days for them to show up... at least, I think it does. The stupid Emily flashbacks continue to unnecessarily screw with story.

Zooming in for some final thoughts
(Closing my eyes, taking a deep breath) That was about as far as I could go. Just... not great.
(Hopefully optimistic) Refinement of the storytelling and rendering could very easily push this to 3 or 4 stars though.
(Deep exhale) There's some semblance of a decent base here beneath all of the other... stuff. Dev just needs to find it.

Here's a game with an original plot. For a porn game it raises the serious questions about what AI could be like, while still having what we want from a porn game. (It would be obvious, even to present day AI, what that is.)

What can I say? It is a fantastic looking creation. That however is all I can say positive about it however.

The story makes no frigging sense whatsoever. The story jumps back and forth through time with no sensible rhyme or reason. It gave me a migraine and was extremely annoying.

There is absolutely no sexual scene in the current version. There is some touching and nudity but that is all there is. Just when you think it might go further it does not.

I am not sure who is a human in this thing and who is not. I had no clue that there were non humans in it until he found the chopped up maya on the table. Again its a piss poor story being not told here.

How this has a rating of 4 is beyond reason to me. I have played some very good stories on here and this is certainly not one of them. Maybe it will improve in the future but I highly doubt it.

VERSION: v.025
SUMMARY: Not too bad, but sadly wont do better than 2-3 stars, the developer steps into many known negatives, read more below.
RATINGS: (out of 5):

NOTE: The following are my own criteria and may require more context, so keep an open mind.

1. Models: 3
2. Animations: 0
3. General Visuals: 3
4. Characters: 3
5. Story/Pacing: 2
6. Writing/Dialogue: 3
7. UI & Gameplay: 3
8. Content Quality: 3
9. Sounds & Music: 0
10. H-Content & Fetish: 2

Average: X of 50 possible points giving a X% rating i.e. X stars.

SIDE NOTE: I may use words that come across as derogatory or perhaps rude, but its not personal, often just to add emphasis to something so read it with its intention i.e. friendly criticism.

PROS:

1. Models look good, LIs are attractive
2. Visually the game looks pretty good
3. Writing is not bad, it reads well and is structured fine with not too much mindless drivel.
4. Interesting story for sure, nothing earth shattering but still cool.

CONS:

1. The LIs do not blend well into the scenes, looks very out of place. Not being a graphic artist I can't articulate what exactly is wrong, but often the LIs stand out, do not blend with the environment, looks stark as if the models are just cut and dropped into the frame with no extra work.
2. Dialogue is generally not bad, but clearly can get messy quickly and not make sense or flow correctly from one scene to the next.
3. Models look TOO "clean" too "smooth" unnatural and plastic. There is also a haziness to model textures sometimes, out of focus, when there shouldn't be, like around eyes, its not natural.
4. Narration is annoying, the dialogue, scene and imagery should reflect whats said to player and the intended emotion, showing "smile" or "hug but not seeing it or "feeling" the moment doesn't really make those moments special, more importantly, immersive.
5. Some questionable writing, "ooh I dropped the..." Maya being so clumsy, in 20 renders she dropped/spilled something 3 times, at this point I would think there is a neurological issue. This kinda makes you think the dev has got no good ideas or ways to implement scenes as they have to revert to the same methods too often...
6. Jarring start, simply because of the plot is hidden initially for no good reason and creates zero intrigue or mystery.
   Spoiler: Unrealistic Spoiler

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   This is really not a mystery and a very silly thing to hide as the start actually annoyed me.
7. Mini-games don't do it for me, most of the time they just annoying reflex or memory puzzles that I get enough from IRL, plus they only slow the pace of the game and add nothing to the story.
8. WORST thing you can do, is provide several options and all but one lead to game over...this kind of thing, I have no words to describe the level of irritation it creates, the choice should not exist!
9. Highly annoying emotional waffling, there is simply too much "we care about you", "you are important", "our lives are not complete without you", "we are here for", Hug, hug, hug...bullshit happening. The MC does not seem to make a move or commit to Maya in any way to suggest a relationship beyond friendship, even though all these terms of endearment are happening ad nauseam. This is happening not just with Maya but other LIs also, the MC is a sissy and beta IMO.

FINAL REMARKS, OPINIONS & SUGGESTIONS:

• I get trying to create some emotional connection and such, but the dev goes about it wrong and it becomes unnatural, the MC is always "there for whoever" to such an extent that one wonders if the MC gets off on others emotional status like some vampire. Yet this seems catching as the MCs long lost friend put him in a shit position, one no good friend would do and then emotionally guilt trips him. I clearly didnt pick the LI option because she is an emotional vampire and a weak individual. Whats more is the MC is totally reasonable and gets guilted after the fact. This is a crappy choice and poor design to the story simply because its not an impossible situation, its not a nice one but completely reasonable one not to support the LI who's dad is ALWAYS doing poorly. I suggest change this...you end up causing resentment for a LI by your players IMO.
• Clearly takes some ideas from games like "Detroit - become human" but in that game the player steps into a world that may not make sense for us to live in but we come to understand that androids are part of society Here its hidden for no good reason IMO simply to create apparent air of mystery which it doesn't. Its also like its hidden from the kid, who is easily 8 years old by the size of her, you telling me this kid never watches TV and never saw advertisements for android servants? Nothing here will be new so I would suggest do not try and be too vague and mysterious, just let the game progress at a reasonable pace. I think its safe to say players have seen most of it all by now and if you draw it out, you just frustrate and lose your audience IMO

I had a bit of difficulty reviewing this, as I wanted to give something for the dev to use but also the games methods of how the plot unfolds and some choices I do not agree with just made me want to skip it completely.

Too many plot holes and inconsistency just ruin this game for me e.g. The MC fights the removal of Maya, breaks in later, gets caught, breaks in again, gets Maya and goes straight home, you telling me that the "bad guys" do not know it IS him? They would have been waiting at his house before he got there!. Trying to create mystery for the player by not revealing what Maya is immediately or that in this world technology has progressed to a point where androids are servants. There are protestors that know it, the father tries to hide it from the kid, like the kid doesn't watch TV or know about it, have friends who have droids in their homes too? So I ask WHY bother being vague at all and not just setting the scene well and good from the start.

First impressions matter, so careful of releasing a game too soon as the reviews can do more harm than good.

Show, don't tell! Come on, that's the basics.

Seeing narration in every line of dialogue, and often even longer than the dialogue itself, made it impossible to immerse myself in the way I enjoy when I read a good story.

The scene where Maya and the protagonist's little daughter are REPEATEDLY attacked in public and in front of the protagonist, and he does absolutely nothing about it was absurd and unrealistic, anyone in that situation would react to protect those important to him, even if on impulse.

And right after that, the protagonist watches Maya being dragged against her will while she screams for help, and he stands there and lets it happen, and no one showed him any document indicating their rights to do what they did.

I can't, there are so many things wrong with this story, and it's caused by bad writing.

Great scripts makes you feel every joy and heartbreak as if they were your own. And this certainly does that for me. Maya has captured my heart. I wouldn't be surprised if this was made into a short film or something. The narration is that good. And the twist, well I certainly didn't see that coming.

At the moment of my review (v0.1), this game don't have ANY sex content, and the story isn't captivating, and that's bad because the first impression is important. The renders are nice. This game looks like one of those Super Ultra Mega Slow Burn Games that don't even explore a good variety of kinks and you can play with both hands in front of your parents.

Personally, I think this may be the best written adult VN I have come across. It does give a AI ish feel, because it is that well of a script. Whatever it is, it works for me, but I'm just a old stoner playing the above-mentioned games. Got my support on P.

This is really good. At first i thought the text was too much like AI generated text, but by the time I figured out the twist, it makes perfect sense. Outstanding beginning! I'm looking forward to the next chapter.