VN - Ren'Py - Betrayal [v0.1] [Frxnz]

Strong start!

Great renders, gorgeous models, the setup is not as cliche as the usual, and there's a hint of something big, it's always good to have a nice pace between the good stuff and some actual caring drama, a fine tune to balance! And this one seems to hold up.

-This have kept the most amount of chuckles from me so far so it gets and extra point, hope for the best!

VERSION: 0.1
SUMMARY: Fair start, though can do with a little more work and polish
RATINGS: (out of 5):

NOTE: The following categories and scoring method are my own criteria and may require more context. Additionally, scoring is based on the state, and what is in the current version and not what may or may not be introduced at a later point.

1. Model Visuals..................... : ⭐⭐⭐⭐
2. General Visuals................... : ⭐⭐⭐⭐
3. Animation Quality................. : ⭐⭐⭐⭐
4. Character (Persona)............... : ⭐⭐
5. Story Quality & Pacing............ : ⭐⭐⭐
6. Writing Quality & Dialogue........ : ⭐⭐
7. UI & Game-play Mechanics...........: ⭐⭐⭐
8. Playtime & General Quality.........: ⭐⭐⭐
9. Sounds & Music.....................: ⭐⭐⭐
10. H-Content & Fetishes.............. : ⭐⭐⭐

Average: X of 50 possible points giving a X% rating i.e. X stars.

PROS: - See my opinions section for details.

1. Models are really good looking.
2. Renders overall and small details like eyes opening and closing are nice.
3. Writing is decent enough, reads well and structured.

CONS: - See my opinions section for details.

1. Music is not bad, but each scene doesn't need a new song, unless its really suited. Songs is have a long starting time, often you through the scene and the next song starts. Some of the songs are a bit over the top though, loud and actually annoying.
2. Inconsistencies and illogical story plot points. Characters act like $75k is a lot when they drive the cars they do? Stupid things like that don't add up.
3. Game is a slow burn, with a lot of waffle dialogue, which is not even really intriguing. Lewds in the current state are few and far between.
4. Dialogue itself is a little jarring, starts suddenly, bit random and conversations feel awkward and disconnected.
5. Added to above point, the characters almost seem to no know what their style is. I feel the whole Yo, Bro, Hit me up doesn't fit, its for one inconsistent and seem everyone speaks that way, even a damn neurosurgeon...sorry its stupid, stick to normal English please.
6. Few other sounds save for music, odd car starting, its rather disappointing to not have interactive, ambient, environmental and lewd scene sounds in an AVN.
7. Unable to change MMC name, plus some small narrative issues, like "mind" being the MCs thoughts? Why not just "thinking..."like most games do?

OPINIONS, SUGGESTIONS & FINAL REMARKS:

NOTE: The following remarks are my personal opinions and thoughts, which may provide more context and could be useful to the developer. (Read them or don't)

• Regarding music, it would be better if the dev picks a few tracks, ones that they have license for, better without lyrics if possible, but important use each type of song for the tone and setting, let it flow over scenes without interruption if possible.
• Dialogue is weird and awkward, like the characters do not know what they doing there, how to talk to each other and actually simply not knowing how to talk like normal characters. Each almost has a bit of this gansta lingo going that annoying as fuck...
• Added to above, those scene the writer creates where he has one character "joke teasing" another then that one gets bent out of shape then the joking one acts like what he said was actually not a joke so a little spat breaks out to which the one that got offended say it was only a joke...those dialogue are what throw me, I understand the intention sort of but FML how the writer goes about it...
• Some more regarding dialogue e.g. Tommy: "hey you free?" Vincent: "Nah, I got time." WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? What kind of response is that? Again added to the poor script and dialogue being ass about face.
• Small gripe, but many of these characters feel like they came out of other games like Brightlord and a few others. Probably a bit inevitable but, some really look like they just copied and pasted.
• Slow burn game, with story that is not really engaging enough to even justify keeping at it. I would say for this game, add more lewd content to keep players at least invested, because relying on this story at this pace to do it...is a bit of a gamble.

TLDR:

Its a fair start, but its not GOOD in the sense of the word, this AVN feel more mediocre, has poor dialogue and feels forced and awkward. Starts randomly and abruptly and many scenes that happen feel the same, lacking proper context.
The developer tries to hard to create intrigue using tropes and concepts that are obvious but then makes it worse by throwing them together with little if any finesse making it feel messy and cliched. Its like too much is happening all of a sudden with no context and its not done well enough to be interesting or intriguing or engaging for the player.

Maybe this will lead somewhere better, but right now its meh...

Version reviewed 0.1

Possible spoilers.

Betrayal is a moody story about three highly trained agents who decide to take on a side job for money, knowing that it's against the rules and could put them in great danger should their superiors find out.

The stories underlying theme appears to revolve around the MC's childhood, which is touched on lightly in the prologue. But we do learn that he has psychological scars from whatever happened to him when he was younger.

The story ends during the side job mission when the MC is confronted by someone from his past. This appears to be a setup, which would explain the games title.

Pros:

1- Very nice renders. It's a visually pleasing game.

2- Nice looking characters.

3- Great set design.

4- The story shows some promise, but it needs work.

5- The cell phone was nicely done .

Cons:

1- Overly wordy. I started losing interest reading about the three main characters emotional hang ups and the constant verbal sparring lost it's appeal rather quickly.

2- The music is hit and miss. Fitting some scenes but a distraction in others.

3- I assume it was originally written in another language as the English is a bit dated, using words that you wouldn't expect to hear from young adults.

4- There were some odd cut scenes that seemed out of place, as if something was missing. Also, black bands appeared at the top and bottom of some renders making me think this was supposed to mean something.

Final thoughts-

Betrayal is a visually impressive slow burn, hampered by an overly wordy story. I would suggest getting help with the English dialogue as it's rather uninteresting. On a positive note, the dev certainly has a good eye for character modeling and renders.

Good luck.

AVN is very early on, I loved the previous AVN that OP abandoned and reworked for this one. This AVN however so far is also very good. Character development here is better IMO and this feels more slow burn which I am totally alright with.

Some annoying things such as AVN showing Russian despite selecting English needs to be cleaned up but for a 1st release this is quite good. Moving up my list already.