- Thread starter Deleted member 3148875
- Start date
- Jun 10, 2017
- 10,978
- 16,233
Note: I don't say that to discourage you, especially since it's just the feeling I get while reading what is yet just a short description of a future game ; therefore I can be wrong, and have nothing against this. But it's better that you know this while the story is still "something to be", so when it's still possible to correct it if needed.
If you recognize your story/game in what I'll say, I strongly recommend you to change it, unless you want your game to be seen as "yet another incest game", and part of your patrons to feel betrayed after months of support.
If it's effectively the case, there's high risks that you'll hardly confuse both the players and your future patrons. Not only the story, but also the gameplay, will see a change when the second part will start, a change that initial players and patrons will perhaps not like. As for those who would like it, but at the opposite not really like the romance-like story and the game mechanism of the first part, they will probably just put your game in their "not interested" list, and never come back to it later.
It's better to have both advance in parallel, or at least to give a strong overview of the two right from the start.
There's also something that really bother me in your description of the characters ; they looks like the exact same family than in 75% of the incest games.
Cleaire to act as a loving puppy because she's so in love with her big brother, that she want to marry since she's like 6 years old. She'll probably innocently come to him asking for sexual advice, and she'll be the first one to have intercourse, then sex with him.
Nora to be virgin, despite probably having a boyfriend, but a boyfriend that is a total dick. She know nothing about sex and her brother will have to be very gentle because she'll probably also fear sexuality. She'll be the last one to have sex with him, long after they kissed for the first time.
Emma to be in fact fighting against the lust she started to feel for her brother the day she hit puberty. She'll be hard to get, but will surprisingly end having at least a submissive side.
And, finally, Janet, to have dedicated her life to her family, but feel really lonely and never stop longing for her son once he'll have, almost involuntarily, awaken her long sleeping femininity.
This matching relatively well with the fact that the MC will, partly, advance in his relationship with the girls because of the power he received. A power that, for once, don't lead to direct corruption, but still will looks like it since his inability to lie will, soon or later, lead him to say that he lust for them and want to do so many sexual things with them. Therefore, he will corrupt them by (involuntarily) putting lewd thoughts in their mind ; difficult to not think about having sex with you son, when you're a lonely woman that haven't had sex since years, and your son is unable to not tell you how hard he lust for you.
I wish you to stay under their radar, but if they end discovering it, the hammer will hit you really hard.
If you recognize your story/game in what I'll say, I strongly recommend you to change it, unless you want your game to be seen as "yet another incest game", and part of your patrons to feel betrayed after months of support.
On your Patreon page, you talk about a RPG approach, and reading this, I fear that the RPG part will effectively start only on the second part of the story.
If it's effectively the case, there's high risks that you'll hardly confuse both the players and your future patrons. Not only the story, but also the gameplay, will see a change when the second part will start, a change that initial players and patrons will perhaps not like. As for those who would like it, but at the opposite not really like the romance-like story and the game mechanism of the first part, they will probably just put your game in their "not interested" list, and never come back to it later.
It's better to have both advance in parallel, or at least to give a strong overview of the two right from the start.
There's also something that really bother me in your description of the characters ; they looks like the exact same family than in 75% of the incest games.
So far what I expect after reading this description is :
Cleaire to act as a loving puppy because she's so in love with her big brother, that she want to marry since she's like 6 years old. She'll probably innocently come to him asking for sexual advice, and she'll be the first one to have intercourse, then sex with him.
Nora to be virgin, despite probably having a boyfriend, but a boyfriend that is a total dick. She know nothing about sex and her brother will have to be very gentle because she'll probably also fear sexuality. She'll be the last one to have sex with him, long after they kissed for the first time.
Emma to be in fact fighting against the lust she started to feel for her brother the day she hit puberty. She'll be hard to get, but will surprisingly end having at least a submissive side.
And, finally, Janet, to have dedicated her life to her family, but feel really lonely and never stop longing for her son once he'll have, almost involuntarily, awaken her long sleeping femininity.
This matching relatively well with the fact that the MC will, partly, advance in his relationship with the girls because of the power he received. A power that, for once, don't lead to direct corruption, but still will looks like it since his inability to lie will, soon or later, lead him to say that he lust for them and want to do so many sexual things with them. Therefore, he will corrupt them by (involuntarily) putting lewd thoughts in their mind ; difficult to not think about having sex with you son, when you're a lonely woman that haven't had sex since years, and your son is unable to not tell you how hard he lust for you.
You've a Patreon page for a game that you advertise as having both incest and lolly ? Reassure me, you've read their Terms of Service when you created the page, you haven't just checked the box without searching further, right ?
I wish you to stay under their radar, but if they end discovering it, the hammer will hit you really hard.
I've made a lot of changes based on your suggestions (Game seems much more better now so thank you so much)
Soon as possible i will re design this page because so many things changed
Again thank you a lot your comment was amazingly useful
If everything goes right, 2 week later
and possible +30 min game time
- Jul 28, 2020
- 135
- 208
Do you have a Subscribe Star page or something OTHER than Patreon, where I can subscribe/support your efforts. I will not use patreon because of their bigotry and stupidity.(If anyone desires to comment on that don't bother its my opinion and you wont change it Patreon sucks)
If you click on his Nickname, then on the next page select Find all by Betisis, then click on his Buried Desires game thread, all his links are there
- Jul 28, 2020
- 135
- 208