Part of what I don't like is that the player character is a little inconsistent. One second he's saying he wants to make sure no funny business happens with his girlfriend, the next, he has no issue with her titfucking someone? And he doesn't really react to it, and the girlfriend doesn't seem to think it was a big deal, which makes me wonder what their relationship has been like up to that point. Have they done stuff like this before? Is this her first time cucking him? It's hard to understand. Pacing is important.
Another pacing issue is when he says "I'd do anything for you" to the butcher, the guy he's met maybe 3 times in his life lol. That's a crazy thing to say to someone so soon.
I do think there's a lot of potential here though if you sit down and carefully plan the story out from the beginning. Good luck