VN - Ren'Py - Elleria [v0.7 Ch. 3] [M.C Games]

So the dev want's to write a serious, plot-driven VN. This means I will hold the writing to a higher standard than I would if I this was just a silly fuckfest porno VN.

The dialogue can be very clunky. Apparently the MC has known this elf girl for 6 years, yet they speak like they barely know eachother. The dev uses their conversations for exposition purposes and it comes across very unnatural and forced.

However, it's obvious that this is probably a translation or ESL dev, so I don't want to be too hard on this aspect of the game. I don't expect perfect english out of my porno VN's lmao.

Where the main reason for the bad review comes from is the dev's bizarre insistence on skipping extremely important conversations. There is an incident where our character seems to die but is saved by a goddess. This goddess essentially wants to recruit us to achieve some goal. Great. Just as she is about to tell us what this goal is, we fade-to-black.

Next thing we know, the MC says "yes, I agree, I want to do the right thing." and starts talking about choosing between "evil and lesser evil."

Like what the fuck are we talking about? All I know is that there are other gods that might be causing a conflict, and we are going to choose to do [REDACTED] because the MC thinks its the right thing, so that we can achieve [REDACTED].

So now, the character who's thoughts we can read and who we make choices for, has a goal. Unfortunately, we don't have a single clue what that goal is beyond it being "the right thing." How am I supposed to get invested in the story and the protagonist if I have no idea what I am doing or why I am doing it? Every scene that comes after just falls flat, because why tf would I care? I don't know the stakes, how important our actions are, why I am taking any of the actions I am taking. IDK if the dev thinks this is some cool mystery, but it's just bad writing.

A couple scenes later, we are trying to recruit this sorcerer girl to our [REDACTED] cause so we can accomplish [REDACTED], and she says she has some very important conditions. Guess what, fade-to-black, MC agrees. Apparently, these [REDACTED] conditions are so important that we need to make a magical vow to uphold them.

I genuinely don't know if the dev thinks this is somehow some kind of intriguing mystery, but it isn't. Frankly, it comes across as lazy. Like it would be too difficult to write a compelling scene, so just handwave it and hope the player doesn't care.

Very good game, needs a "skip transitions" feature, waiting for each speech to load is bothersome. The MC is kinda pompous, but bearable. The ladies are 10/10, too bad the MC has a huge stick up his ass so the interactions are a bit limited. Still, the game is way above average, definitely following on Itch and recommended a play and support!

This is a five-star game, while I admit there is very little sexual content, I think the world-building and established characters are a strong foundation for a very solid game. I do think it jumped too quickly at parts and you get a bit of whiplash, but I really do enjoy that vibe, plus I think the goddess's are inspired by Selune and Shar and I like that as well, all in all this is a game I will probably continue to play every time there is an update.

Great game, captivating story. Very cool and mysterious MC.
Stunning renders, beautiful LI's. Music is very good.
Universe is rich and interesting.

I cannot wait for more! Overall 5/5, rare gem. Keep up good work.

For Version 0.2

<--- Graphics --->

More than enough to tell the story. Somewhat simple, but, still good quality and good lighting. The posing and the planes for the stills are decent, but, not brilliant. While they don't have to be astounding to fully illustrate the story, there's a simplicity about them. Not that that simplicity is in any way undesirable, it creates a feeling of some monotony.

An example of this is the camera at the back of the carriage. I can completely understand that it is extremely pragmatic to use the same the same camera for all the shots, it is however a bit monotonous. If you pardon me, I would suggest 2 or 3 more cameras, one from the front and one from each side. Some alternation of them to reduce the sense of monotony.

The angles are all frontal and static (I don't mean to make them animations, I mean the posing) as in the poses are not dynamic or expressive. I read your objections to unneeded rendering, agree with it, but a standing pose doesn't mean stay there with arms along the body in a rigid position. I would suggest you to try some observation of people in relaxed poses both solo or in group. This isn't a MAJOR problem, but it is something that would improve your rendering and visual story telling.

The usage of Depth of Field was nice, but, I'm sorry, it was a bit over used. This is a personal preference, but, maybe use it more sparsely.

<--- GUI and Gameplay --->

I found the GUI excellent. The choice of fonts and colors was quite good. During the game the selection boxes were quite legible.

There is however an issue with the choices in dialogue. Sometimes the choices are indistinguishable one from the other in terms of results. To the point that the choice is irrelevant, or, at the very least, seems to be. They simply say the same but with different words but the same tone. If this is a relevant choice that leads to different results, it MUST be made to give that impression. Let me tell you right now, if any of those choices leads to content being blocked, I will instantly block this game and most certainly all others from you. Choices should only be made to relevant content and must be made clear. If the point is to promote save scumming, forget it. Zero relevancy "choices" and hiding content under choices that look exactly alike, are extremely bad form. Remember, a large majority of the people playing these games, even if somewhat proficient in English, are not Native English speakers, as so, a difference that seems obvious to a native speaker, feels and looks the same for a non-native. Needs serious work on this.

<--- Writing --->

I mean the writing technique, not the story.

There's too many errors. Both grammatical and typos. Some sentences are simply overly complicated, or completely indecisive, or unneeded.

I recommend the usage of a writing tool like (but not exclusively) Grammarly.

Apparently someone already is doing the corrections, I'll leave it to them.

<--- Story --->

I find the story absolutely interesting. All characters so far are well developed and interesting.

It is still early to have a full comprehension of the plot, from what it seems to lead, it is quite interesting. If you change it or twist it, we'll have to adjust I guess.

So far, it looks like a bit of a romantic triangle for the personal drama, and the specter of war for the world drama. Both are quite a bit "abused" but, they are so, because they are effective. So, for now, the story is quite interesting and I do want to know more of it.

<--- Conclusion --->

A very interesting project with much room to grow. Not a graphics oriented project, but decently illustrated.

A story that leaves us wanting more, without the use of cliffhangers, I hope this practice is kept.

There's a terrible amount of grammar errors and typos that break the flow of the reading, making us focus on finding them instead of enjoying the story. Needs correction.

The choices are many but several are either for flavor or look so. Not easy to decipher for non-native speakers.

<--- Rating --->

So far a solid 4. Only thing detracting from a 5 is the choices and the grammar.

I really like the game so far, off to a great start. I enjoy the writing, the story seems interesting and I like the characters and renders as well. Animations could be better but I don't really mind them in a game that's more story-focused. Looking forward to how this one progresses.

Well, the first of all the highlight of this game is the writing. It is very polished and cohesive. I often try to find AVNs produced as mature visual novels with mature writing and not just as fapping material. I want some stories to engage in deep philosophical questions for some refreshments and variety. This is one that I have found which scratches that itch.

The writing on a lighter background is a little hard to read.

I won't question the characters' personalities because I liked the MC, and their dynamic was also enjoyable.

Also, the theme is medieval times and fantasy, which is used so much yet we can't seem to get more of it. So another kudos to you for producing another enjoyable fantasy and medieval-themed AVN.

But the only thing, not a complaint, is the intro is quite short, and before I could realize, I have finished the VN. Though it is short, I gave it 5 stars because I see it developing quite well in the future. So best of luck, dev!

I gave this 5 stars, not just because of this intro but because from experience I know that Mystic CRO writes great stories. In this intro the renders are also the best I have seen from him. I have confidence that this will be a really good story as it continues.

Allright, you can already notice from the very start that this dev has some experience under his belt.

At the beginning of the intro, nice back ground music and sound effects, off to a good start!

Writing style and quality is nice and easy to read. Though on some lighter back grounds, the text itself is sometimes a little harder to read.

The character of the mc is very compasionate albeit in his own way. He doesn't care about racism or that he's being shunned by human-kind for being "an elf lover".

Also the story itself presents an interesting philosophical and metaphysical question; What is faith? Is faith blindly following the oracles of gods? Or is faith tested by adversary and suffering?

In summary; This is a very good initial release. Albeit a little short, the quality itself makes more than up for it. The story is very interesting and got me hooked pretty good. Looking forward to future updates for sure!

If I could give half stars, I would've given this 4.5 out of 5, since I don't think that little detail with the text should cost 1 entire star =P