Ren'Py Eng skills test

[Somatra]

I'm Johny, want to know if my English skills are good enough to make a text-based game

Text:

NARRATOR: You wake up in a damp and cold place you can barely see what's around you, the Black hood on your head prevents your vision, you try to remove the hood only to realize that your hands are firmly tied, you try to stay calm, but it's difficult your legs are shaking with fear, Then you hear a stronger voice.

?????????: Everyone! to the train, Now!

NARRATOR: You can hear a low cry around. You are certainly not alone. You obediently follow the instructions fearing the worst. Afterward, sitting on the floor of the wagon. You can hear the engine starting. The last person gets into the wagon and closes the door. The very man begins to remove everyone's hood. He goes to the center and says:

Good morning everyone, for those who don't know, this train goes straight to SOMATRA and No !, I don't know why you're here! And I don't want to know either!. We just received our orders to send you there, but if you are already tired of our holiday colony, stay at ease to jump out the window, but I must warn you that this train does 980 miles per hour. And
look without wanting to be too skeptical, but I don't believe you will be able to survive the fall.

 

[bobdickgus]

Well I can parse it easily enough so you should be alright.
It seems a little off in sentence structure, but not enough where it effects my speed of interpretation so not annoying which is good enough for me.

 

[Somatra]

Well I can parse it easily enough so you should be alright.
It seems a little off in sentence structure, but not enough where it effects my speed of interpretation so not annoying which is good enough for me.

without wanting to appear insecure but on a scale of 0 to 10?

 

[bobdickgus]

without wanting to appear insecure but on a scale of 0 to 10?

7.5, but I am really not picky about this sort of thing.

 

[Somatra]

7.5, but I am really not picky about this sort of thing.

Well at least better than poetry

 

[Laikhent]

How about try to process your text on

You must be registered to see the links

and show us to see if it looks better?

 

[Alcahest]

The punctuation is all over the place. Commas where there should be periods and stuff like that.

 

[Holy Bacchus]

I'm Johny, want to know if my English skills are good enough to make a text-based game

Text:

NARRATOR: You wake up in a damp and cold place you can barely see what's around you, the Black hood on your head prevents your vision, you try to remove the hood only to realize that your hands are firmly tied, you try to stay calm, but it's difficult your legs are shaking with fear, Then you hear a stronger voice.

?????????: Everyone! to the train, Now!

NARRATOR: You can hear a low cry around. You are certainly not alone. You obediently follow the instructions fearing the worst. Afterward, sitting on the floor of the wagon. You can hear the engine starting. The last person gets into the wagon and closes the door. The very man begins to remove everyone's hood. He goes to the center and says:

Good morning everyone, for those who don't know, this train goes straight to SOMATRA and No !, I don't know why you're here! And I don't want to know either!. We just received our orders to send you there, but if you are already tired of our holiday colony, stay at ease to jump out the window, but I must warn you that this train does 980 miles per hour. And
look without wanting to be too skeptical, but I don't believe you will be able to survive the fall.

Some corrections and changes highlighted in yellow.

NARRATOR: You awake in a damp and cold place, you can barely see what's around you; the black hood on your head blocks your vision. You try to remove the hood only to realize that your hands are firmly tied. You try to stay calm, but it's difficult; your legs are shaking with fear. Then you hear a loud voice.

???: Everyone! To the train, now!

NARRATOR: You can hear a soft cry near you. You are certainly not alone. You obediently follow the instructions fearing the worst. Afterward, sitting on the floor of the carriage, you can hear the engine starting. The door closes as one last person enters the carriage. A man removes your hood and everyone elses. He goes to the center of the carriage and speaks:

???: Good morning everyone. For those who don't know, this train is going straight to SOMATRA, and no, I don't know why you're here, and I don't want to know either!. We just received our orders to send you there, but if you are already tired of our hospitality, feel free to jump out the window. But I must warn you that this train does 980 miles per hour, and
I doubt you will be able to survive the fall.

 

[Somatra]

Some corrections and changes highlighted in yellow.

NARRATOR: You awake in a damp and cold place, you can barely see what's around you; the black hood on your head blocks your vision. You try to remove the hood only to realize that your hands are firmly tied. You try to stay calm, but it's difficult; your legs are shaking with fear. Then you hear a loud voice.

???: Everyone! To the train, now!

NARRATOR: You can hear a soft cry near you. You are certainly not alone. You obediently follow the instructions fearing the worst. Afterward, sitting on the floor of the carriage, you can hear the engine starting. The door closes as one last person enters the carriage. A man removes your hood and everyone elses. He goes to the center of the carriage and speaks:

???: Good morning everyone. For those who don't know, this train is going straight to SOMATRA, and no, I don't know why you're here, and I don't want to know either!. We just received our orders to send you there, but if you are already tired of our hospitality, feel free to jump out the window. But I must warn you that this train does 980 miles per hour, and
I doubt you will be able to survive the fall.

Well, this is very sad. I have a lot to improve to be able to write a text-based game, with the exception of the word "hospitality".
I really wanted to say holiday colony

The funny thing is when I read your correction it seems so obvious " low cry " wtf is that ;-;

Thank you very much for the feedback it was kind not to make fun of my English
you can give me a score from 0 to 10?

 

[Somatra]

How about try to process your text on

You must be registered to see the links

and show us to see if it looks better?

looks fine but i don't have premium account

 

[Laikhent]

looks fine but i don't have premium account

There's a free version

 

[Holy Bacchus]

Well, this is very sad. I have a lot to improve to be able to write a text-based game, with the exception of the word "hospitality".
I really wanted to say holiday colony

The funny thing is when I read your correction it seems so obvious " low cry " wtf is that ;-;

Thank you very much for the feedback it was kind not to make fun of my English
you can give me a score from 0 to 10?

It all depends on what you were meaning by "holiday colony". I interpreted as some military/militia soldier being sarcastic about taking people to some sort of prison/forced labour camp, and so figured that"hospitality" might be a good sarcastic word that gives a similar meaning yet sounds more natural than "holiday colony". I suppose he could say, "holiday camp", in quotation marks to highlight his sarcasm if that were the case.

Overall, I'd say you're about a 7; good knowledge of English, but punctuation needs some polishing.

 

[Somatra]

It all depends on what you were meaning by "holiday colony". I interpreted as some military/militia soldier being sarcastic about taking people to some sort of prison/forced labour camp, and so figured that"hospitality" might be a good sarcastic word that gives a similar meaning yet sounds more natural than "holiday colony". I suppose he could say, "holiday camp", in quotation marks to highlight his sarcasm if that were the case.

Overall, I'd say you're about a 7; good knowledge of English, but punctuation needs some polishing.

i know you have no obligation to help me, but I believe with your fixes I can do much better would you mind correcting another little text? tomorrow ?

 

[Somatra]

It all depends on what you were meaning by "holiday colony". I interpreted as some military/militia soldier being sarcastic about taking people to some sort of prison/forced labour camp, and so figured that"hospitality" might be a good sarcastic word that gives a similar meaning yet sounds more natural than "holiday colony". I suppose he could say, "holiday camp", in quotation marks to highlight his sarcasm if that were the case.

Overall, I'd say you're about a 7; good knowledge of English, but punctuation needs some polishing.

I tried my best to get a 9 out of 10. If you tell me this is a 9, I will continue to write the story. But if there is still a 7. I will study more until I get there.

Text:

The Silence takes over the place. The only thing you can hear is a static noise coming from the rail. The People don't look at each other. The fear is evident. The path is brief, Less than 5 minutes, But it seemed like an eternity for those there. The train stops. When the door is opened, An intense ray of sunlight blocks your vision for a moment. Everyone is instructed to get off the train.

When you put your feet out of the train. You are faced with the magnificent view of the somatra walls. It's enormous, Incredible 16 meters high, And covers an area of 22,000km². Shortly after looking at the wall, You notice the guard towers and dozens of soldiers protect the place surrounded by wired fences.

 

[Somatra]

I am too picky about myself and I would be too ashamed to deliver a poorly written work

 

[Utratroy]

DUDE , dont chase for perfection,its endless road that only ends in madness. just enjoy the thrill of what you do.
overtime youre skill will improve without stressing you too much. if you want a tip,then hope this help.try work as a group,since it make the end result better than doing it solo. guaranteed

note : my english is also still at tutorial level(suck)

 

[soupcansteve]

I could comprehend your sentences just fine. If I were to seriously nitpick, you don't need to capitalize the first letter of the first word following a comma. The only exception would be is if the word is a proper noun. For example a person's name, a city, state, country, or the name of a company. (Any viewer who reads this can add to that if I missed any) English is my first language. However, 12 years of English class in school does not teach you all the quirks of proper grammar, and if it did, most you forget over time. I am not sure what people care more about when fapping to a game; proper spelling or if your comma was in the right spot. Don't sweat it and do what you love.