This is good, but, my god, 99% of the dialogue is inside the MC's own mind. It's almost unprecedented, for me, but I'm sure this is just tied for the top 3 games that abuse inner monologue and not the top.
It's not even badly written, it's just abuse of a trap even published authors fall into. I would say I'm nitpicking, except for HOW MUCH she's in her head. The amount of time spent telling the player (but NOT TELLING) why she is whinging about her sister returning is a mind-boggling amount of time to NOT make a point, but this behavior is doubled down on numerous times, and is not all that unrealistic. People, more often than not, choose to NOT say what needs to be said and rather just act like an ostrich and let things grow exponentially worse. And you're trying to say that ALL of this has NO other way of being communicated to the player? This is a writing 101 example of laziness - likely just habitual (thinking in parentheses isn't enough to feed the habit, they also have pink text by itself to feed it more). Is this the easiest way to do it? Yes, it is, which is why it is so rampant and popular. "Path of least resistance" has been human nature for a long time now; it doesn't make it "good" or "right". I choose to laud those who do the work to take the lesser travelled path, for we are all the better for it when they do.
What isn't about "easy" is the fact that both sisters are idiots. I'm really struggling with the near constant propensity for devs to write stupidity as a major character trait. Unless ignorance like this is simply common, and they really do just think that "distance and time" will just magically fix things given enough of each of them?? Or that pretending something isn't wrong, just don't acknowledge that people HAVE to talk, truthfully - will surely mend all issues. There's a thing in writing called the "Willing Suspension of Disbelief". It is a threshold that readers have... how far they are willing to be pushed PAST believability before their immersion crumbles and the authors lose them. Every reader engages in this contract to believe in, to some degree of acceptance, what they know to not be true. It's hitched on the author accepting that they WON'T push things TOO far into the unacceptable for whatever the "standard" is for the genre and audience they're writing for.
So my question is, is THIS much ignorance the NORM for people at this point? Or do you WANT to be treated like you are part and parcel to an existence of this level of stupidity? Because I CHAFE with *every* game that does this. This is the hero of your story. She's great, for the most part, why make her dumb? "But humans are fallible." Yes, yes they are. And they don't have to be remotely ignorant to be so. Actually, when the miraculously capable fall or make mistakes, it's even MORE compelling. How could it even happen? They seem to have SO much going for them. But then we can take a trip into looking deeper and over time in the story see the faint cracks and imperfections that we didn't even notice were there. Or perhaps a deep-seated, underlying tragedy they tried desperately to keep hidden for YEARS. Who knows!? Literally, what can be SO amazing in writing. The SKY is the limit! And yet, so often, laziness prevails, and we get "dumb" dropped in our laps.
I'm sorry for going so long and meandering with this. There is SO MUCH that is GOOD about this game and potential to be so much more than it already is. It's already time-consuming and challenging, and look at what you've overcome already to come this far with such results. We get better by working beyond our comfort zone and habits. The more time we spend living and breathing with the alien and unfamiliar; the sooner they simply become old friends we've had the greatest of times with.
It's not even badly written, it's just abuse of a trap even published authors fall into. I would say I'm nitpicking, except for HOW MUCH she's in her head. The amount of time spent telling the player (but NOT TELLING) why she is whinging about her sister returning is a mind-boggling amount of time to NOT make a point, but this behavior is doubled down on numerous times, and is not all that unrealistic. People, more often than not, choose to NOT say what needs to be said and rather just act like an ostrich and let things grow exponentially worse. And you're trying to say that ALL of this has NO other way of being communicated to the player? This is a writing 101 example of laziness - likely just habitual (thinking in parentheses isn't enough to feed the habit, they also have pink text by itself to feed it more). Is this the easiest way to do it? Yes, it is, which is why it is so rampant and popular. "Path of least resistance" has been human nature for a long time now; it doesn't make it "good" or "right". I choose to laud those who do the work to take the lesser travelled path, for we are all the better for it when they do.
What isn't about "easy" is the fact that both sisters are idiots. I'm really struggling with the near constant propensity for devs to write stupidity as a major character trait. Unless ignorance like this is simply common, and they really do just think that "distance and time" will just magically fix things given enough of each of them?? Or that pretending something isn't wrong, just don't acknowledge that people HAVE to talk, truthfully - will surely mend all issues. There's a thing in writing called the "Willing Suspension of Disbelief". It is a threshold that readers have... how far they are willing to be pushed PAST believability before their immersion crumbles and the authors lose them. Every reader engages in this contract to believe in, to some degree of acceptance, what they know to not be true. It's hitched on the author accepting that they WON'T push things TOO far into the unacceptable for whatever the "standard" is for the genre and audience they're writing for.
So my question is, is THIS much ignorance the NORM for people at this point? Or do you WANT to be treated like you are part and parcel to an existence of this level of stupidity? Because I CHAFE with *every* game that does this. This is the hero of your story. She's great, for the most part, why make her dumb? "But humans are fallible." Yes, yes they are. And they don't have to be remotely ignorant to be so. Actually, when the miraculously capable fall or make mistakes, it's even MORE compelling. How could it even happen? They seem to have SO much going for them. But then we can take a trip into looking deeper and over time in the story see the faint cracks and imperfections that we didn't even notice were there. Or perhaps a deep-seated, underlying tragedy they tried desperately to keep hidden for YEARS. Who knows!? Literally, what can be SO amazing in writing. The SKY is the limit! And yet, so often, laziness prevails, and we get "dumb" dropped in our laps.
I'm sorry for going so long and meandering with this. There is SO MUCH that is GOOD about this game and potential to be so much more than it already is. It's already time-consuming and challenging, and look at what you've overcome already to come this far with such results. We get better by working beyond our comfort zone and habits. The more time we spend living and breathing with the alien and unfamiliar; the sooner they simply become old friends we've had the greatest of times with.
