VN - Ren'Py - Etlina's Principle [v0.03 Bugfix] [PipPoad]

Pros:

Artwork is fantastic, not just model and prop quality, but all the lighting and post-processing is fantastic. It is extremely good.

Cons:

Holy exposition! I know you have to cram in quite a bit as it is a sci-fi horror, but there has to be a better way than really awkward dialogue.

Thinking is traditionally shown by having the text body in brackets, people barely glance at the speaker's name on the text box. In this case, the convention aids the reader's comprehension, so please don't experiment with it.

Nox look like they're wearing latex, or a really tight bin(trash)bag.

Sex scene sucked. No animation, no visible creampie.

I know a lot about the world already, but nothing about the characters beyond the family relationship (I hope you plan incest or non-protagonist sex; because the sister's model is *french kiss* beautiful). This might just be a personal thing, but I prefer to know something about the characters before I get a lore dump because it gives me more opportunity to care.

very good story and well written (only a few misspellings). the models are top notch. this seems like a developers labor of love. I will definitely keep and eye on this developer. good job, keep up the great work.

Excellent renders and a very interesting setting. Not much of a story up until now but the setup has been good and fresh compared to many other games on this site. The writing(dialogue) though is bad, as in kinda immature and juvenile. The dialogues between the characters is kinda stiff and unreal. Also the military talk feels very fake as if the characters are not actually in the military but are actors playing the part of people in the military and this breaks immersion in the story. My advice would be to maybe talk to someone who actually has been in the military if you can or just simply remove it and make the characters talk to each other as if normal people would. Otherwise the game has a lot of potential and can easily be a 5 Star game as the story progresses and these issues are worked upon.

Good models, interesting story. Let's see where it goes and for the start it is really good.

Also for the first AVN you make you got way better quality than most other new Devs.

Exited for 0.2 keep it up PP.

extremely nice debut..
I'll be watching this one with great hope for its future
Nice characters and intriguing intro..
Good use of ambient music..
Story seems to serve the lewd unlike most other releases these days
Cant wait to see what comes

v0.01

Short but very promising release. One of the very few interesting new AVNs.

Graphics: Amazing. Nice dark atmosphere, nice character models, good lighting and effects

Nothing to complain about. I hope the dark/light horror atmosphere stays, very few games like that out there.

Story: So far interesting and refreshing but we have to see. I like the gritty/rough atmosphere (military etc.) I hate "goody two shoes" protagonists. Personally, I hope the story fits the dark atmosphere and allows me to play an anti-hero and not the usual savior of the day/world crap.

Dialogue: Good. Will have to wait for future releases. I especially like that there is no unnecessary dialogue. Too much useless dialogue is a problem in many AVNS. But despite the shortness of the dialogue, the characters were introduced properly.

Characters: Believable for that scenario and so far not annoying

Romances and sex: The tentacle scene was cool. Sister may be romanceable, but no incest tag so we will see. Sister so far is tough enough to be in the military, but not too tough or bitch for you to be repelled, so that's good. (because too many authors also confuse toughness with bitchiness)

Game design:
Thank god no Sandbox or hourlong dialogue.
There was one point and click tough. Normally I hate that because you always fear you missed something or you can't find the damn thing or it is buggy, whatever... But it was done in a good way. Only the two persons were highlighted and you were warned before proceeding.

Because in general for game design: Keep it simple, keep it good!

My biggest fear are that there will be too many sandbox/point-and-click events that slow down the story and are annoying or a too linear experience that either makes you feel detached from what's happening or goes down a route you don't like as a player. Also, the game will either fail or succeed through its story and dialogue. So I will have to review the game again in a later release.

For all the above points, however, I don't think there is much likelihood of them happening at the moment.

I have to congratulate PipPoad. If you did all of that yourself, you did an amazing job so far!