Obviously I don't know your plan or what your final script looks like, but I honestly think it could use a little restructuring in the beginning. I get that you wanted to blow your load right off the bat and reveal to the player "Hey! Lucia is a murder accomplice"(along with the sneak peek in the future of this game). But that choice deflated any potential story-drama-tension you had in us finding out that "mystery." And along with that deflates any interest in potential supporters- you need that HOOK.
Or you can take what I say with a grain of salt.
My suggestion, start the story with the kid walking up the door, gives his little narration of his tragic past couple of days have been. Describe the Lucia and her family, how both her son and father are assholes, yet Lucia is a nice and warm presence in his life at school. But when he enters the house, it's the complete opposite. Lucia is cold and avoidant, while Kenta is the one being all nice and approachable. Player will be like

that's not what I was expecting, what are they hiding?...I'm sure you see where I'm going with this.
On a technical level, I think you just gotta be consistent on the "who's who" when talking and putting their name on top of the dialogue. I see you started it, then just gave up halfway through. You can either be consistent with the naming, or just drop it all together.