Hey OP,
I'm not the people you're responding to, so feel free to take any critique with a grain of salt, but I'm happy to provide some feedback on style:
A) Use your thesaurus. In the first few lines, you use town twice, attached twice.
Your version:
With the clouds soaring high in the sky above and the sun’s rays glistening across the town’s waters it was just another ordinary day for those lived in this small town. Some went to pay respects for the fallen or loved ones, while others became attached to those who wished to be raised in this world. Such was the case for Blake’s father and mother. They had become overly attached to their son and wanted nothing more than to raise him to the best of their ability.
Consider switching to:
With the clouds soaring high in the sky above and the sun’s rays glistening across the nearby river, it was just another ordinary day for those that called this small town their home.
Some went to pay respects for the fallen or loved ones, while others became attached to those who wished to be raised in this world. Such was the case for Blake’s father and mother. They had become completely devoted to their son and wanted nothing more than to raise him to the best of their ability.
B) Make it easy for the reader.
In that opening para, it's not obvious what's going on. Yes, you want to build the world, and with it the suspense, but it's a hard slog to get through. It's already opening with a lot of questions that distract from the plot. Who are the fallen? Are people paying respects to living or dead loved ones? who wished to be raised in this world? Why are they overly attached? Why is exercise important to them?
A little mystique works well, but it comes in all at once. The reader needs to be able to visualize and connect to the characters, and it's hard to do when there's less context for them to fit themselves into the world.
C) Emotional Resonance.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel when reading the page. It's descriptive, but not really emotive. I don't mean emotions from the characters, but the reader. Should I feel trepidation for Blake swinging on the monkey bars? If he falls, will he get hurt? Will he land in soft rubber matting or coarse sand full of broken glass and the occasional syringe from the local hoods that use the park at night?
D) I'd also consider at least writing a prologue that sets the scene in the world. You may never actually use it, but it may help you align the narrative into the plot a little neater.
Just a couple of feedback points. Please don't think of them as negatives, they're not. Just my opinion on how the story can be streamlined and making it a little more connected to the reader.
Feel free to ignore them if you think I'm way off.
Best of luck!
