The world mourned when the innocent gorilla Harambe was cruelly murdered after an utter failure of good parenting skills led to a small child falling into the silver-back's domain. Despite doing nothing but calmly observing the small being before him, the zoo officials called in a team of marksmen and the noble ape was shot down in cold blood.
*record scratch* At least, that's what the public were told...
In truth, Harambe was in on the whole scheme. The child was a paid crisis actor, the apparent rifle shot a blank, the blood only a special effects pack.
It was a three letter agency that arranged the whole thing, as the handsome ape was the sole witness to a stolen intelligence hand-off right in front of his cage. A highly placed government official had exfiltrated gigabytes of national secrets, and passed them to a foreign agent in a location that they thought was safe... the public zoo.
Only Harambe's evidence could be used to bring down the traitor, so the operation was arranged to cover-up his identity, and the silverback was actually whisked away into the witness protection program to be relocated to a small town in the midwest.
There in his new location, Harambe has to rebuild his life... surrounded by generous and giving traditional country women, women who were longing for a strong, virile, dark skinned male to sweep them off their feet.
"Howdy, Ma'am. I just moved in next door. My name is Harry Mbe. Nice to meet you."
----
* mostly not serious in case the tone was not tongue in cheek enough
*record scratch* At least, that's what the public were told...
In truth, Harambe was in on the whole scheme. The child was a paid crisis actor, the apparent rifle shot a blank, the blood only a special effects pack.
It was a three letter agency that arranged the whole thing, as the handsome ape was the sole witness to a stolen intelligence hand-off right in front of his cage. A highly placed government official had exfiltrated gigabytes of national secrets, and passed them to a foreign agent in a location that they thought was safe... the public zoo.
Only Harambe's evidence could be used to bring down the traitor, so the operation was arranged to cover-up his identity, and the silverback was actually whisked away into the witness protection program to be relocated to a small town in the midwest.
There in his new location, Harambe has to rebuild his life... surrounded by generous and giving traditional country women, women who were longing for a strong, virile, dark skinned male to sweep them off their feet.
"Howdy, Ma'am. I just moved in next door. My name is Harry Mbe. Nice to meet you."
----
* mostly not serious in case the tone was not tongue in cheek enough
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