VN Ren'Py Abandoned Ghost in the Sheets [Ch. 1] [Deus Ex Vagina]

[DuDraig]

The art is nice. Decent attention has been given to the backgrounds and not just to the human figures. Although, the developer has fallen under the sway of this obnoxious trend of making everything too damn dark to make anything out. What use is all that effort and time in creating detailed scenes that obliterate all that detail in the dark. A night scene with soft lighting does not mean blackened silhouettes against blackened backgrounds. Putting up text on a black screen would result in the same effect.

Try reading this for the same effect --> "This is too damned dark to see."

The cyberpunk style setting and story line has promise, and the gritty environment is refreshing as long as it does not devolve into childish abusiveness, as most others do mistaking abuse for tough.

However:

• One awakening
• One drink
• One job offer
• And one fuck

Does not even remotely qualify as a v1.0. At most, this is v0.0.1. It does not even have enough story to qualify as an introduction, much less an episode.

A v1.0 is supposed to be at least a completed story arc or volume. This does not even qualify as a chapter or episode. Players do not appreciate being lied to and wasting download bandwidth. The version should be changed to properly reflect the story progression.

I look forward to the development of this project but will wait until there is enough content to be worthy of burning download bandwidth - and the effort to not blink so I don't miss the story.

 

[deusexvagina]

The art is nice. Decent attention has been given to the backgrounds and not just to the human figures. Although, the developer has fallen under the sway of this obnoxious trend of making everything too damn dark to make anything out. What use is all that effort and time in creating detailed scenes that obliterate all that detail in the dark. A night scene with soft lighting does not mean blackened silhouettes against blackened backgrounds. Putting up text on a black screen would result in the same effect.

Try reading this for the same effect --> "This is too damned dark to see."

The cyberpunk style setting and story line has promise, and the gritty environment is refreshing as long as it does not devolve into childish abusiveness, as most others do mistaking abuse for tough.

However:

• One awakening
• One drink
• One job offer
• And one fuck

Does not even remotely qualify as a v1.0. At most, this is v0.0.1. It does not even have enough story to qualify as an introduction, much less an episode.

A v1.0 is supposed to be at least a completed story arc or volume. This does not even qualify as a chapter or episode. Players do not appreciate being lied to and wasting download bandwidth. The version should be changed to properly reflect the story progression.

I look forward to the development of this project but will wait until there is enough content to be worthy of burning download bandwidth - and the effort to not blink so I don't miss the story.

Thanks for the feedback! It totally is too short, I stumbled a bit into this whole thing from making cyberpunk themed fan art to learning how to use Daz and RenPy to completing a demo. It was more intended as a proof-of-concept and a one-person game jam until I was done and figured that it turned out better than I thought. There was so much to learn between Daz and RenPy and visual novels in general and I wanted to get a minimum viable product out. It's basically my "Hello world" in the world of visual novels, a week ago I had no idea this scene existed

I think I'll leave episode 1 like that but treat it as an intro more than an episode. Reason being is that the content I'm currently hard at work on has its own chapter name. That being said I'll probably revise a couple parts of this first episode with some of the feedback I received. Maybe I could work with chapters where several chapters make up an episode.

Thanks again for the feedback, this whole thread has been very insightful.

 

[DuDraig]

Thanks for the feedback! It totally is too short, I stumbled a bit into this whole thing from making cyberpunk themed fan art to learning how to use Daz and RenPy to completing a demo. It was more intended as a proof-of-concept and a one-person game jam until I was done and figured that it turned out better than I thought. There was so much to learn between Daz and RenPy and visual novels in general and I wanted to get a minimum viable product out. It's basically my "Hello world" in the world of visual novels, a week ago I had no idea this scene existed

I think I'll leave episode 1 like that but treat it as an intro more than an episode. Reason being is that the content I'm currently hard at work on has its own chapter name. That being said I'll probably revise a couple parts of this first episode with some of the feedback I received. Maybe I could work with chapters where several chapters make up an episode.

Thanks again for the feedback, this whole thread has been very insightful.

Keep at it! I'm looking forward to seeing how this project develops.

 

[noms8000]

Well, this was extremely short. But I can see the great potential behind it. Though I might add if this game does not offer something before 2020.04.16 then expect growth count to stagnate.

 

[deusexvagina]

Well, this was extremely short. But I can see the great potential behind it. Though I might add if this game does not offer something before 2020.04.16 then expect growth count to stagnate.

I plan it to offer something more by the end of the month at the latest if I manage to finish rendering all backgrounds in time. I just finished writing the script and bought a couple more assets for Daz, just about to start rendering. Thanks for the nice words!

 

[Deleted member 1481465]

I would suggest re-numbering this version as 0.1 rather than 1.0. It implies a game that's far more complete than it is. Not a criticism, just a little advice. I was expecting a game far more fleshed out than it is when I tried it.

 

[CanolaOilCorp]

Lol, I was just wondering when a CP2077 spoof would get released, downloading..

 

[deusexvagina]

Lol, I was just wondering when a CP2077 spoof would get released, downloading..

Be aware it's super short as of now but I hope you enjoy what's already published, I tried my best at making the sex scene good

 

[CanolaOilCorp]

Be aware it's super short as of now but I hope you enjoy what's already published, I tried my best at making the sex scene good

Thumbs up! It's a great proof of concept and writing was decent, will check back!

 

[Agent York Morgan]

I must say I love your profile pic, I thought I was the only one who liked that game. Had some strong Twin Peaks influences. Oh and thanks for the nice words (and is that a Deus Ex reference I spot?)

Yeah and York is one of my favorite characters.

And yes it's something that Adam Jensen says.

 

[deusexvagina]

Phew, that was tons of work, but I have a working state where every scene has a render, the music is done and the story (almost) completed. Due to a maximum upload size of 200mb on Patreon I had to upload to a Google Drive folder (

You must be registered to see the links

).
There's a lot of story exposition in this one, I hope I managed to break it up into small enough chunks with enough scene switches to avoid boring you with so much character and story development. The story went through several iterations, but now I have found a base I like and have some great plans moving forward, I plotted out the large storyline and I think it has the potential to be enjoyable.
Let me know if you find any bugs (there shouldn't be any, I played through it myself and the structure is simple enough to hopefully avoid logical errors at this point in time).
Done (Intro and Chapter 1):
- 6 sound tracks, 3 of that my own
- 96 renders
- 5 crew members
- 3 NPCs so far (mostly exposition in this chapter, but expect all three to become regular characters throughout the story)
- 2 sex scenes
- Several logical branches that lead to the same finale in different ways with some variables that will become more important later on in the story.
- Changed the name to "Synths of the Past" and giggled a lot.
Still to do:
- The conversation with Laura at the end of the chapter is pretty linear, some more conversation paths would be great.
- I didn't have time to make a second conversation path for Daryl, as it is now the game assumes you had sex with him in the intro. I'll get that fixed asap, gotta implement the boring version as well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- I re-used a couple renders for some scenes, if I find the time it would be cool to re-render some of them with small changes.

But overall the game is playable and I hope you enjoy it! This is still part of the free release, the intro was far too short as several people commented and I agree. Thanks again for the nice words and (quite constructive!) criticism on the intro, seeing that early support motivated me to power through this first episode and I hope it'll only grow from here.

I'm also working on a visual editor that can translate nodes to RenPy code, but I'll make an ownpost for that. Here's a little teaser though:

 

[BonnyJohnny]

Is lesbian content in the game? Or planned?

 

[TheFonze]

Interesting story and nice artwork. I'll give this one some attention. Thanks.

 

[deusexvagina]

Is lesbian content in the game? Or planned?

None yet, but I expect some to happen over time. However all sex scenes with the characters are going to be optional (and the two in there already are, even though it's probably a bit boring to skip them but you can)

Interesting story and nice artwork. I'll give this one some attention. Thanks.

Thank you! I hope you'll enjoy it, I'm having a lot of fun with this.

 

[Higurashika]

I feel potential here, but need to see more content. This ver is too short to even enjoy

 

[deusexvagina]

I feel potential here, but need to see more content. This ver is too short to even enjoy

Hi, first off thanks! Did you download the version from the first post? I believe that is still the old one, this link is the update I just published and it has a lot more content:

You must be registered to see the links

 

[Kalenz123]

Why did you make em strip for the second sex scene? Doesn't really make sense for a quicky.
Not to mention the guy still has that horrible lithe boyish body.
And lying on a cold dirty floor?
Just unbuckle their pants and push the girl against the wall.
Seeing how needy she is (at least by the conversation line that leads up to the scene) she'd like it.

Add some close ups of their faces. Lock them in a kiss, have them stare into each others eyes, throw in some dirty/lewd talking (maybe romantic? dunno where you want to go with the chars yet) and interrupt the face closeups with a couple penetration shots and full body shots of him fucking her hard and needily.
That would be a way more erotic scene than them stripping and showing them in some random positions.

 

[BonnyJohnny]

None yet, but I expect some to happen over time. However all sex scenes with the characters are going to be optional (and the two in there already are, even though it's probably a bit boring to skip them but you can)

Thanks, the answer! It is a very promising game, and I keep my eye on it. But (and this is my personal opinion) with female protagonist I need lesbian route. I mean... the most of male protagonist game has some lesbian scene (threesome or voyeur), a game with a female protagonist but without lesbian route is waste of opportunity.

 

[deusexvagina]

Why did you make em strip for the second sex scene? Doesn't really make sense for a quicky.
Not to mention the guy still has that horrible lithe boyish body.
And lying on a cold dirty floor?
Just unbuckle their pants and push the girl against the wall.
Seeing how needy she is (at least by the conversation line that leads up to the scene) she'd like it.

Add some close ups of their faces. Lock them in a kiss, have them stare into each others eyes, throw in some dirty/lewd talking (maybe romantic? dunno where you want to go with the chars yet) and interrupt the face closeups with a couple penetration shots and full body shots of him fucking her hard and needily.
That would be a way more erotic scene than them stripping and showing them in some random positions.

Good feedback! I'm still working everything out and I came by these undressing morphs and had to try them out. I'll take your suggestions to my list and might rework the scene eventually, definitely keeping it in mind for the next ones.

Thanks, the answer! It is a very promising game, and I keep my eye on it. But (and this is my personal opinion) with female protagonist I need lesbian route. I mean... the most of male protagonist game has some lesbian scene (threesome or voyeur), a game with a female protagonist but without lesbian route is waste of opportunity.

Yes, but throwing it in there just because without a clear idea of how wouldn't be great either I have lots of actual plot in mind, there will be plenty of time for sexy time in between so we'll see what happens

 

[AnyName'llDo]

"Deus Ex Vagina" is my favorite pun I've seen in a while.