Ren'Py - Independent Horizons [v0.4.0] [SwampyStudio]

The renders right now aren't bad. Some of them like the swim team in the showers show the game has promise, but there's just so much making it poor right now.

This biggest standout is that the author obviously fetishizes any non-white more than netflix does. There's some truly hideous scenes like the massage parlour and its painful slow panning and forced nudity and obesity, but there's a lot of other signs like the out of place hindu forehead spot and mc calling every single non white he sees stunning, no player choice in it.

The Mc looks around 12 years old, definitely younger looking than any of the li's and also shorter than all of them. All the women ridiculously go on and on about how built he is,yet he is also ultra skinny, no muscles to speak of.

Actually the slow pans of all the characters are totally unwanted, since the majority of li's are actually unattractive with unnatural boobs. it should really be the players choice whether they want to stare that hard at someone

We get some minor choice in the adoptive mothers name but we have no choice to rename pauline and cassidy (cassidy?? really????) and eula the licensing agreement, nor their relationship. Childhood friend just sounds weird.

The MC then makes endless shit decisions in the couple of scenes we have so far, most egregiously he runs at a gunman from 20m away all the while yelling to warn him. from that distance its stupidity not bravery and the game only continues due to plot armor and the assailant also be 12 years old.

The game has these constant hangups where you're forced into a loop until you open the phone - why it just open it automatically if it's forced!? That became a problem later when the icon was hidden because of some weird interface choice that i had to check the forums to resolve (as did many others). The same bugginess hits with the forced loserdom of being a guitar playing gimp - you have to guess the pathetically redundant passcode and even though I guessed it, it didn't accept it because of the space and I had to check the forums again. There was absolutely no reason to have a stupid passcode to skip the minigames literally noone wants

Past that there are weird writing choices, the author ALWAYS chooses more text than needed, he narrates what he has already shown like when hanna jumps into the pool. Letting the images do the speaking would feel more polished

... now with all that said, it's still a stronger start than many many novels and I do hope the dev gets this one on track and at least fixes the pain points

I downloaded because of the goofy looking renders, which are cartoony in an appealing way. And you know what? The visuals are pretty darn good in this VN.

Sadly, that's about as much praise as I can offer. Another example of just truly baffling mechanics in a porn game. Some low-lights include:
- Minigames. Don't want to play them? Good news! There is a button to 'skip and win'. Bad news, though - it requires a password that requires you to have paid attention to the insufferably poor dialogue.
- Dwarf MC. It's kind of nice to have a main character who is not 6'8, bulked AF, with a foot-long dick. Except in Independent Horizons, the dev decided to instead have a MC in college who is 5'2 and still has a foot long dick. Blech.
- Bad sandbox construction. This isn't a complaint about sandboxes in general; this is a tirade against THIS sandbox in particular. It is sooooo on the rails that it defeats the purpose of a sandbox with the sole exception of making players click more often. Take the whole 'phone' dynamic. Since sandbox games are meant to allow more freedom and choice for players, one would think that they might be able to ignore text messages or phone calls. WRONG! The game stops and loop with chiding messages until you answer the phone/respond to the text. Also, you're forced at various times to call LIs, whether you like them or not (and thanks to the writing, you definitely won't like them).

The mechanics really are intolerable. I can handle silly/poor writing; this is porn, so it's not like I need amazing prose. But this VN is infuriating.

OVERALL: 2/10

I'm barely into this thing and I'm giving it 5 stars. Purely on potential: 5 stars.

It does have minor flaws, but it's the rare creation in which the primary flaw is the author caring too much, putting too much time and effort into their creation. Because, again, a lot of care and effort went into this thing. A LOT of effort. It's a labor of love and it shows.

But some of that care needs to ripped out- frames, dialogue, both- for this novel to truly shine. To be specific, the writing needs editing. It needs paring down. It screams out for it.

The writing IS good and it HAS great promise. But my rating would drop if the writing were to continue in the same manner in further iterations of the game.

***

Here's an example, a scene that sets a mood and introduces a new character:


It's a nice scene! The author does some interesting things visually with light and color. They do succeed in setting a mood. And then they undercut themselves 1) with the sheer length of it, and 2) the lack of proper editing. In fact, none of the carefully crafted narrative was necessary- it tells us nothing ( ) beyond what the equally carefully crafted frames provided have already told us. Further, if the entire scene had been sans text, we would have paid more attention to the visuals, providing a stronger effect.

• The author uses 14 lengthy sentences over 20 frames to relate this passing moment.
• In total that's almost a full page of text (using normal font, double spaced, in a Word document) to tell us an attractive woman walked past on a nice day.
• The tense is all over the place. The narrative starts off using past tense, then switches to present tense, and then back to past tense... all within the same single scene, describing only the events of that scene.
• Variations of "to captivate" are used 5 different times in this scene, describing variously 1) the light, 2) the scent of perfume, 3) the moment, 4) the allure of the woman, and 5) the presence of the woman.
• In case we had forgotten the "captivating" effect of her allure/presence, the very next scene including this woman immediately reminds us that she is the "captivating [...] girl" he met the day before. (Author, I know this is generic advice, but show us how captivating she is, don't tell us. For if we DO find her captivating, you don't need to tell us, and if we DON'T find her captivating, we will trust you less for insisting she is. This usage can't help you and can only hurt you. Your story deserves better.)
• Specifically, in the next scene the author tells us that she is the "captivating ASIAN girl," despite her ethnicity having been clearly established in every of the many renderings of her character thus far. We see her, author. You don't have to tell us. We get it. Trust us.

Though any one of these points could probably be justified, overall their effect is slightly exhausting. It's too much. It's like reading the written text of the audio version for the visually impaired.

But none of this comes from a lack of attention, or talent, or care. Given all the effort the author has put into their creation so far, I believe they'll quickly figure it out. The author clearly respects their audience. They simply doesn't know when to trust their audience... yet. But I have every faith they'll get there.

***

And to reiterate, the writing isn't bad and doesn't need to be altered- it just needs to be pruned. And the creator clearly cares a great deal about their work. It's refreshing to see someone care so much for the craft they are just starting to master.

So five stars. Great work so far, fantastic first game, and I look forward to further installments. And apologies for the length of this review.


***
Here's the full text of the scene I critiqued:

My old account lost it's password but been on this site for a number of years. This has potential but just starting out. No bad options and some really good break from conformity design choices. Will see where it goes in the future and if it continues but great foundation.

Very good game, very promising. The characters are well done. The rendering is of good quality. The animation is good but could be improved by being a little more fluid, but overall quality animation.

The quality of writing is also very present written in the manner of a novel. It changes compared to the majority of VN. I particularly appreciate it.

The characters are all interesting in my opinion. Can't wait to know more about them, and how they will evolve.

Suggestions:

With maybe sex scenes that don't necessarily involve the MC, if some girls don't interest us. To add even more depth to the characters and their story. By suggesting to the dev to plan sex scenes that involve other male characters than the MC. Without imposing it in order to please everyone. By giving us the choice to spy or not if he hears moans. Obviously if it is planned by the dev, the decision to include this element or not is up to him.

Very good game to watch for me. Keep up the great work on the game.

Pros:

- Renders
- Dialogue and grammar


Cons:

- Dialogue: While the dialogue was understandable...There was far too much narrating throughout this VN. A lot of it was overdramatic and unnecessary.

- Writing: The story is for the most part is a kinetic novel. No choices that matter and you couldn't avoid certain scenes which I'll get into shortly. The MC comes off as naive and very impressionable and not in a good way. The MC seemed smart enough to run interference in a couples argument yet is gullible enough to just except a job at a happy ending joint?

We stumble in a "Massage Parlor" and we see the owner giving a random an assjob. You can't avoid the scene instead she tells the MC to sit and watch and him being gullible and naive just does what she tells him to do. After the black Sigourney Weaver tells the MC that she gives happy endings the MC doesn't ask any questions and ends up showing more interest. He barely knows this women but unloads all of his intimate information on her. Also keep In mind none of this is avoidable and the fact that the MC is a virgin we end up getting a forced footjob. Total red flag for a guy like me. I don't care if she's a prostitution on the side but please give players the option to do other things besides a male prostitute or getting cheap thrills from a prostitute. What, is fast food not appealing anymore?

- Models: The Models for the most part are okay but the MCs face and expressions were cringe. It looked like he was straining the whole time and when he didn't have the constipated look he was sporting the special needs look.

- Gui/Mechanics: Having phones is a must apparently these days but if you're going to have that feature make sure it's simple to use. I would add a back button which should make checking texts a lot easier.