VN - Ren'Py - Abandoned - Inside Ava [v0.20] [DreamMaker]

There's one choice you make for the entire story and the writing is littered with constant typos and capitalization errors, etc. The art is passable at best, but the real problem is that you'll just be left clicking a lot and doing little else. The story itself isn't bad, but the lack of even basic editing really ruins that. I saw the word "clam" used in place of "calm" at least twice and that's one of at least dozens of simple errors I saw without much trying to look for them.

Toward the end I literally used an autoclicker because the story paths that split on that one decision are 95% repeat messages that don't count as previously read for purposes of using the skip previously read feature.

Better than I expected. Linear and as far as I understood, no choice type of story.
Clothes change with corruption and you see with both MC's and FMC's perspective. Could really shape into something good with some fixes here and there and elongation of the story

Well...first things first, the art is....questionable to say the least. Ava's face looks like something out of a nightmare at times. Same goes for her nipples. Some scenes are Ok-ish, but most of them are weak and boring.

Secondly, TOO MUCH TEXT DIALOGUE.
Unless you can make good and compelling dialogue, better to cut it down to a minimum. I feel like a teacher reading an essay from a student and all they did was pump in unimportant, boring, mindless dialogue text.
Stop vomiting text unless you are actually a competent writer.

This is a sex game, the story is simple, keep the text and dialogues focused on the emotions and sexiness of what's unfolding. You are not writing a novel, so stop with the text vomit.

This type of NTR story could be compelling if done right, but this was a poor attempt.

v0.9
well, graphics are not top notch. However, i like the idea, if you like game where man does not know, but thinks that her gf/wife is cheating, you might like this one too. Its not too long, not too short, which i liked.
nothing else to add, just a mediocre game should be good for one time

I think ava left eye is a bit much on the left side but other than that i like her.

There are some grammar/spelling error but nothing big.

I'll wait and see the future update since for now its seem to be just the prologue, looking forward to the ntr part of the story.

Critique - 0.1

I feel like Ava's face needs to be redrawn a bit, she has a very sharp chin. Her shirt clings very tightly to her body.

There are a few spelling and grammatical errors.

In the one sex scene she dominates you but you aren't given the option to fight back or resist.

For a demo I guess the game gives you a taste of cuckoldry.