I want to start out by saying that nothing in the world would've made me happier than rating this 5/5. I love Slay the Spire and pretty much all other Roguelite deckbuilders, and seeing the genre enter adult video games is a very good thing in my book.
However.
This game just is not very good; the balancing is whack, the narrative could've been pulled out of the arse of the microsoft word helper complete with stock characters I fear my fingers would fall asleep 'fore I describe 'em and the runtime is pathetic.
I finished this thing with the "perfect\good" ending inside two hours. Two. Sodding. Hours.
And it gets even worse, but first, a recap of the plot:
You play Akane, the stock goodly and dutiful daughter of stock benevolent and righteous nobleman NPC who never actually appears because he's been sent off into war. Before he was sent into war, he was tricked by stock antagonist category D subcategory 32b, rich ugly fat man with a grudge against protagonist's father because the protagonist's father was so much better than him at everything. The antagonist is hell-bent on using his power wealth and influence to destroy protagonist's family, reputation, belongings and so forth. He does this by tricking the protagonist's father into signing on a loan that has 0.001% interest rate the first two years, then getting the man to go to war in the third year when the interest is 100% of the original sum per month.
The game starts in-medias-res with the protagonist and her mother being told of the debt and how much they'd have to pay. They humble themselves before the antagonist and ask to be allowed to pay in instalments over the next few weeks rather than immediately, and he - attempting to portray himself as a generous man - agrees if they can amass some money. You get the tutorial dungeon for the first 5K that sets the timer at 7 days, and each time you pay the next instalment the game extends the timer by 7 days. You can also beg the antagonist for another extension which judging by the achievement for not doing so in some capacity involves the protagonist's mother prostituting herself to the antagonist.
So the protagonist goes off to explore a labyrinth dungeon to make the money she needs to repay her debt, and God Almighty does she ever make money. I got the whole thing done in eight days, leaving over forty days unused, and you could probably get it done in seven or six if you rushed it.
Now, gameplay wise this plays like a really dumbed down version of Slay the Spire with all the numbers messed up royally like a sparrow with a breeze block shoved up where the sun don't shine, so you start out with a 0 cost attack that starts at 8(!) damage upgrades for 6(!!!!!) damage per upgrade, up to three times. So that means that you upgrade that thing first and kill pretty much anything in the first dungeon as soon as you draw it. It consumes, yes, but -1 enemy is generally all you need to turn the tide in your favour.
But that's not all! You can get a card called "Evasion" which is damage immunity that starts at (I think it was) 3 energy and goes down to 0(!!!!!), effectively playing like the Watcher's Vault but without the crippling energy cost (and reminder, Vault is still almost an instant pick even at 2 energy). You can get a dozen other broken cards such as Strength that gives you as much as 9(!!!) strength for three rounds. You can get Resilience AKA immortality that heals you for 20-40% of your maximum health if you cast it below 40% health. And you can upgrade your energy, base strength, max HP, dexterity and so on. In other words, you become absolutely broken in no time flat. I know, because again I finished this game with the best ending in under two hours and with the best ending, more than 40 days on the timer and critically with three more dungeons I never went into because of this next point:
When you win a fight you can choose one reward from what's displayed. Generally there will be a card, mana which is your primary power up material, magic stones which is your gold income, and sometimes you'll have a consumable or rainbowstones which are your secondary power up material. This is all well and good, until you realize that there are magic nodes along your way that add 50% to the magic stones you already carry. So once you're strong enough to reach the boss you just go into a dungeon and only click magic stones and nothing else. You'll get hundreds of thousands of gold in one run and be able to pay everything back in two or three runs.
You win! Shocking.
Now, let's break it down in points:
Narrative (-1*):
- Consists entirely of stock characters.
- Characters are underdeveloped; you only see about half a dozen cutscenes along the golden path, and most of them boil down to "Akane pays the current debt instalment. Antagonist is very angry at this.".
- It would've been nice if the villain had some kind of redeeming quality. Even just that he has a dog he really likes and spoils. Or has good taste in tea. Or SOMETHING that would differentiate him from the Saturday morning cartoon figure he currently is.
- If you get the good\perfect ending before heading to the final dungeon, the game just ends. Cuts to black. Would've been nice to have to explore the final three dungeons anyway because we need to keep our people safe or because the town needs us or for whatever other reason. Y'know, the final boss is NOT a punishment for misuse of resources or something you need to hold off getting the perfect ending for. It's a reward for playing the game well. Yes, the game does have the "True ending" of clearing the final labyrinth, but it isn't very different to the "perfect\good" ending. Akane pays off her family's debt and instead of just living life as a noble she goes and conquers more labyrinths. Yay.
- There's also no incentive to engage with the brothel or lust system; the dungeon gives you insane amounts of gold and mana to upgrade your character with as I mentioned, and it's 5K for the time you go to the brothel. And it takes the full day. I've never tried it, but unless it magically grows to over 200K I'll take the dungeon thank you very much since I get 200K gold + 30K mana plus some rainbow stones per run *and* I don't have to engage with the lust system or ruin the perfect\good ending.
Combat (-1*):
- Balance is whack. I mentioned this above, but I'll repeat: this is Slay the Spire with all the numbers fudged up.
- You can remove pretty much as many cards as you want from the deck whenever you want to. This leads to tight, small decks that can just consistently devastate the opposition.
- It's incredible how much power you can accrue, but it's even more impressive that none of it is necessary. I've beaten the game on 3 energy.
- My final deck was 12 cards big; Strike+1, Strike+3, Powerful Strike, Gale Slash+2, Mana Blast+1, All Out Attack+3, Strength+3, Evasion+2, Resilience+2. A lot of those could still be upgraded, and the basic strikes could be swapped for better things. You'll also note a significantly lack of defensive cards (only two exhaust cards, Resilience and Evasion) because you put out so much damage most things just fall over.
- There's consumables you can buy, and indeed I encourage you to as "Oh hell" buttons. I never had to use any though; the above deck topples anything until the deep forest dungeon without any effort.
Runtime, QoL (-1*):
- Look, it's less than two hours long for the perfect ending. Do I really have to say more?
- Cards that say "Discard" actually mean "Exhaust". I was surprised by this the first time I played Mana Blast (=Fiendfire). We still have the standard draw pile, discard pile, exhaust pile. Except the exhaust pile is called Limited and cards that burn other cards say Discard. I'm not sure if there's any cards that actually, y'know, discard and not exhaust. Whatever. This is a communication issue.
Breakin' my heart here, guys, but I gotta give this a 2/5.
I wanted this to be good - I really, really did. But it ain't.