Is my english good enough?

[LuxoGames]

So I am just wondering if my english is good enough to sound natural for a text-based game. I use english a lot and don't really have a problem with takling to people but now that i'am writing a text-based game I want to learn your opinion about it. I'm gonna just paste the introduction. I know it isn't much but i dont wan't to realese more right now.


You awaken like every other morning, ready for a full day of farm work. As a regular, uninteresting 19-year-old peasant, your life is just a boring mix of working, sleeping, and occasional nights full of alcohol. You have no one in your life. No kids, no wife, nor even parents, as your mother and father both died of horrible disease last winter, and you were the only survivor in your household.

Your name is *text input*.

Despite your boring upbringing, starting from this very day, your life is going to be full of action, adventure, magic, and perhaps most importantly, lewdness.

 

[coffeeaddicted]

You have passed this.

To me, this sounds great.
Note. I am not a native English speaker.

 

[Cosy Creator]

I'd certainly say you're good enough, probably even very good as far as non-native devs go.

If I were to be super critical I'd say it sounds a little stilted, but that could just be because it's an exposition dump. Even as a native English speaker I had trouble sounding natural in the opening of my game.

Good luck!

 

[TessaXYZ]

So I am just wondering if my english is good enough to sound natural for a text-based game. I use english a lot and don't really have a problem with takling to people but now that i'am writing a text-based game I want to learn your opinion about it. I'm gonna just paste the introduction. I know it isn't much but i dont wan't to realese more right now.


You awaken like every other morning, ready for a full day of farm work. As a regular, uninteresting 19-year-old peasant, your life is just a boring mix of working, sleeping, and occasional nights full of alcohol. You have no one in your life. No kids, no wife, nor even parents, as your mother and father both died of horrible disease last winter, and you were the only survivor in your household.

Your name is *text input*.

Despite your boring upbringing, starting from this very day, your life is going to be full of action, adventure, magic, and perhaps most importantly, lewdness.

Better than most. A few (very) minor corrections/suggestions, in yellow:

"
You awaken like every other morning, ready for a full day of farm work. As a regular, uninteresting 19-year-old peasant, your life is just a boring mix of working (you just used the word "work" in the previous sentence; should replace or reword this to avoid repeating the same word in close proximity), sleeping, and occasional nights full of alcohol (flows better with the list to say "and the occasional night of drinking" but it's not wrong as-is). You have no one in your life. No kids, no wife, nor (not) even parents, as your mother and father both died of (a) horrible disease last winter, (<- no comma needed here) and you were the only survivor in your household. (When you list out items, each of them should individually work with the following clause as you have it written. So when you list "No kids, no wife, no parents, as your mother and father...", the implication is that each of those relates to the clause of "as your mother and father", but "no kids" and "no wife" have nothing to do with it. You should reformat this sequence to break apart the "no kids, no wife" apart from "no parents". Something like... "You have no one in your life. No kids. No wife. Not even parents, as your mother and father...")

Your name is *text input*.

Despite your boring (again, you just used the word "boring", so try to change this to be less repetitive) upbringing, starting from this very day, your life is going to be full of action, adventure, magic, and perhaps most importantly, lewdness. (This last part should be "...and, perhaps most importantly, lewdness", but this sentence is a bit comma-heavy. Alternatively, you can break up the ending with "...and — perhaps mostly importantly — lewdness.")
"

 

[♍VoidTraveler]

You cleared it.

 

[おい！]

So I am just wondering if my english is good enough to sound natural for a text-based game. I use english a lot and don't really have a problem with takling to people but now that i'am writing a text-based game I want to learn your opinion about it. I'm gonna just paste the introduction. I know it isn't much but i dont wan't to realese more right now.


You awaken like every other morning, ready for a full day of farm work. As a regular, uninteresting 19-year-old peasant, your life is just a boring mix of working, sleeping, and occasional nights full of alcohol. You have no one in your life. No kids, no wife, nor even parents, as your mother and father both died of horrible disease last winter, and you were the only survivor in your household.

Your name is *text input*.

Despite your boring upbringing, starting from this very day, your life is going to be full of action, adventure, magic, and perhaps most importantly, lewdness.

1)So I am just wondering if my English is good enough to sound natural for a text-based game. I use english a lot and don't really have a problem with talking to people but now that I am writing a text-based game I want to learn your opinion about it. I'm gonna just paste the introduction. I know it isn't much but I don't want to release more right now.

2)You awaken just like every other morning, ready for a full day of farm work. As a regular, uninteresting 19-year-old peasant, your life is just a boring mix of work, sleep and occasional nights of getting drunk. You have no one in your life. No kids, no wife and not even parents, as your mother and father both died from a horrible disease last winter and you were the only one who survived.

Despite your boring upbringing, starting from today, your life is going to be full of action, adventure, magic and perhaps most importantly, lewdness.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[LuxoGames]

Better than most. A few (very) minor corrections/suggestions, in yellow:

"
You awaken like every other morning, ready for a full day of farm work. As a regular, uninteresting 19-year-old peasant, your life is just a boring mix of working (you just used the word "work" in the previous sentence; should replace or reword this to avoid repeating the same word in close proximity), sleeping, and occasional nights full of alcohol (flows better with the list to say "and the occasional night of drinking" but it's not wrong as-is). You have no one in your life. No kids, no wife, nor (not) even parents, as your mother and father both died of horrible disease last winter, (<- no comma needed here) and you were the only survivor in your household. (When you list out items, each of them should individually work with the following clause as you have it written. So when you list "No kids, no wife, no parents, as your mother and father...", the implication is that each of those relates to the clause of "as your mother and father", but "no kids" and "no wife" have nothing to do with it. You should reformat this sequence to break apart the "no kids, no wife" apart from "no parents". Something like... "You have no one in your life. No kids. No wife. Not even parents, as your mother and father...")

Your name is *text input*.

Despite your boring (again, you just used the word "boring", so try to change this to be less repetitive) upbringing, starting from this very day, your life is going to be full of action, adventure, magic, and perhaps most importantly, lewdness. (This last part should be "...and, perhaps most importantly, lewdness", but this sentence is a bit comma-heavy. Alternatively, you can break up the ending with "...and — perhaps mostly importantly — lewdness.")
"

Thank you for this response. Now that you pointed out all those things I can see a couple of ways i could improve other parts of the game as well.

 

[Hagatagar]

If you are unsure about your texts, you can have a quick check by using text-to-speech, your ears might hear things your eyes won't see (the one from google translate is just fine enough for that, but don't rely on their translation ).

Also if you want to avoid the repeating of words like TessaXYZ mentioned, but you can not think of any synonyms that fit, try using the synonym function of

You must be registered to see the links

.

 

[LuxoGames]

If you are unsure about your texts, you can have a quick check by using text-to-speech, your ears might hear things your eyes won't see (the one from google translate is just fine enough for that, but don't rely on their translation ).

Also if you want to avoid the repeating of words like TessaXYZ mentioned, but you can not think of any synonyms that fit, try using the synonym function of

You must be registered to see the links

.

Thank you for the tips!

 

[JasonsGranpa]

So I am just wondering if my english is good enough to sound natural for a text-based game. I use english a lot and don't really have a problem with takling to people but now that i'am writing a text-based game I want to learn your opinion about it. I'm gonna just paste the introduction. I know it isn't much but i dont wan't to realese more right now.


You awaken like every other morning, ready for a full day of farm work. As a regular, uninteresting 19-year-old peasant, your life is just a boring mix of working, sleeping, and occasional nights full of alcohol. You have no one in your life. No kids, no wife, nor even parents, as your mother and father both died of horrible disease last winter, and you were the only survivor in your household.

Your name is *text input*.

Despite your boring upbringing, starting from this very day, your life is going to be full of action, adventure, magic, and perhaps most importantly, lewdness.

i think its fine as well

but am a bit sad at your last part of the introduction. thought it would be a game about a chill farm life like Stardew Valley - with sex