There is no need to hurt somebody to be dominant over him/her. It's more about control and (lack of) choices. For femdom, as OP ask for it, it could revolve around the fact you can't do what you want to your mistress ; she's the one who choose what happen and what don't happen. No violence, nor humiliation, nor rope needed, just a one-sided control of events.
BDSM is just an acronym for some uncommon sexual pratices, not a fact based theory. Those words put together don't mean each part can't exist by itself. They often mix, that's true, but not all time and/or not in every relations.