VN - Ren'Py - Love at First Sight [Ch.2a P1] [Nightowl Creation]

Review Ch.2a P1

Imagine being so talented at CGI, and having the tool to push high quality scenes and then be all ruined by the dialogue and relation none sense.

For the love of God use chatGPT or any other AI tool, I understand story telling is not easy use any tool at your disposal, be happy that you are great at GCI but don't ruin your own work it is really sad to see.

The relationship problem, test it beforehand with 3 possible choices, the incest ones, the landlady ones, or anything else like moms friend.

If you go with Aunt, all you see is Aunt Emily in any discussion MC has with anyone, either make the story use Aunt or just stick to Emily, we already know they are related.

If you go with Uncle for Roger even the girls call him uncle which makes no sense, if your intention was to open dialogue for incest.

But if you use Landlady is sounds even worse, every dialogue Landlady Emily same if you use Friend all dialogue is now Friend Emily.

Look if you are not a native english speaker, write the story in your language and use any adult oriented AI plenty of free ones out there, as your e-girl smut translator.

The models are really hot, especially the aunt. But this is not a slow-burn at all! The girls are sexually attracted to the MC from the beginning, with no buildup. Also, the dialogues are weird, as everybody is commenting. I would recommend it if you don't care about those things.

To those criticizing the generic dialogue, ChatGPT is to blame. The dialogue is ai written. And suffers from typical ai style problems. But aside from that, the story is fine. It follows the standard long absent son returns to horny family. I like the visuals. The models are good. So, if you like mom son style stories and big boobs, this game will probably be up your alley.

Very generic story, everyone is attacked to MC like he is guy of their dreams. No build up seems very off-putting.
the models are really great, but I believe that them having a bit covered might make it exciting

Wow, what an excellent start! The images are all stunning. Just the right amount of curves in all the right places. And I much prefer a slow-burn story over one that jumps right into sex scenes. Very much looking forward to more!

Okay, so it's not THAT original and yes, everyone's immediately a little too needy and, of course, the story needs more time to develop in terms of filling out and deepening existing relationships which have clearly been "on hold" for a few years.

BUT SO FAR I TOTALLY LOVE THIS NOVEL!!!

I really like the level at which the emotional expressiveness of the female characters has been pitched. They give it the feel of a more romantic approach to the story as it is developing. I find Emily’s character truly attractive emotionally and captures the feel of the damsel in distress well-nigh perfectly.

I’m not unduly concerned about there being no sex yet. Quality titles rarely jump straight into bed in the very first chapter or two anyway and I certainly believe that this has, so far, every indication of becoming a quality title. In the meantime, the girls are all absolutely STUNNING and, for my personal female body-shape preference, simply breath-taking.

If you happen to read this, Nightowl, please, please, please don't be put off in the slightest by the previous "dissection" of your budding masterpiece. We all know this is only the very first step, hopefully of many yet to come in our journey, and far too early for any kind of detailed and curmudgeonly criticism and negativity, for which this place is sadly, but rightfully renowned.

Don't worry, there'll be others, for sure, like me, so please do hang on in there and continue giving this your very best shot. Do not ever allow others to hold you back from realising your...now our...dream!!

So, starry-eyed, I’m looking forward, hopefully, to the next chapter and more romance and, in the not-too-distant future, the first shoots of physical intimacy between the mc and his gorgeous Aunt Emily as well as perhaps Hannah too.

Five stars earned for what I've seen so far, which I fully expect to easily be maintained in subsequent releases over the coming weeks.

Thanks for your effort, your expertise and hopefully your future dedication, Nightowl. If this trend continues I'll most definitely be looking at subscribing to your Patreon (though given the subject-matter here, I suggest you beware of the up-tights there) or perhaps the more liberated Subscribestar.

VERSION: 0.1 - Re-Review Ch.2a P1
SUMMARY: Good renders with a fairly unoriginal story, MC that is an emotionally immature and too sex starved to think let alone act at least somewhat "normal"

This game is half baked and rushed and is not nearly as slow burn as the dev lets you believe, not having sex scenes does not constitute slow burn. Slow burn is gradual as mentioned in this review, where the MC cultivates relationships, builds trust and slowly breaks down any social barriers or taboos...if you want a good example of slow burn that is done brilliant look to a game like Hillside. Slow burns can be frustrating but done well can be brilliant.

PROS:

1. Good looking models and renders

CONS:

1. Story is fairly basic, been done before with nothing new to add (so far).
2. While writing is OK, it does need work, some bugs like MC in text instead of the name, grammatical errors or sentences that don't make sense, like they incomplete.
3. Writing still needs some work, sentences don't flow nor does the story when the relationship options e.g. The MC refers to his Aunt as Aunt and not My Aunt or Aunt Emily, "going to Aunt's house" shit like that, her name is not Aunt, her name is Emily. Once introduced it should be fine to just stick the name or Aunt Em or something like that, how hard can it be to get some consistency?
4. The setting of relationships and even if you stick to default don't make sense, the Aunt is not the aunt, more like a friend to the MCs mother, but the way its written and structured reads like it is the MCs actual Aunt, but as you read even that doesn't work later on. Its all messy!
5. Relationships are undeveloped, they just exist i.e., the MC is gone for years and already rekindles and professes love to his cousin within less than 24hours of moving in. Also apparently notices his aunts sad demeanor and already is driving to replace his uncle. THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH TOO QUICKLY and I call bullshit.
6. Character ages are inconsistent, the Aunt looks like she is the sister of the daughters, she looks that young and flawless.

FINAL THOUGHTS & SUGGESTIONS:

1. A weird fade to black scene, where the MC is still outside his aunts house, then teleports inside without the dialogue progressing. Dev should look at fixing that.
2. Story has been done before and there are many more games out there that are written better with much better developed characters.
3. As per con no.2 the MCs way of immediately thinking there is more to a hug or such, especially from a family member is a bit silly. Its one thing to be nervous seeing people you haven't for years or if they look, smell and feel nice during the hug, but to immediately read more is too forced and unnatural. Thinking, "id tap that even if she is my aunt" then immediately thinking "no stop being a pervert, she is my aunt" at least that's closer to a hot blooded males thoughts and provides a context I can get behind, its a biological imperative of males to want to screw anything really. Again, I may be nitpicking, but...nway
4. Something that I don't want to nitpick about but just can't help myself is the sudden "closeness" of the MC to the family he hasn't seen in years. There is an unnaturalness to the entire script/dialogue and intimate moments that are sudden and without much context or the time needed to develop. I am not saying string players along, but you can keep it interesting while creating a setting where the MC and the love interests gradually lose their inhibitions. There should be a consistent erosion of barriers to this kind of story not a back and forth or knee jerk reaction style to it, that only leads to frustration to the player.
5. MC has a strange way of reflecting or thinking to himself, like he has never had an emotion or crush before. Almost like some newborn that has never experienced an emotion or sensation. I am nitpicking slightly here maybe, but it was just apparent to me and kind of jarring. This may not be an issue, but for now its a con until more content becomes available.
6. MC is apparently older than 18, at least from what I gather when he reflects about when he was 18...yet as with many other games, much to my fcking annoyance, the MC looks like a teenager has not a lick of hair on him to make him even slightly more mature, yet seemingly woman, even older woman fawn over him...i call bullshit right there. You be young and still have some scruff ffs...
7. I am sure the developer wanted to introduce an incest kind of route this game, then either got caught by Policies or rules issues, or simply just fucked it up royally because it really is a mess. The MC has the Aunt set as Aunt by default but her kids (daughters) are set default as the friend WTF is with that? REVISE DEV...Fix first then make more content or better yet do both
8. Per weird writing, the developer/writer seems to want to touch on or do too many things then can't make up their mind and does it all, causing a mess of things. e.g. the Aunt/Not Aunt Emily opens the door to the MC, Yells his name and bla bla (standard happy greeting) Then in the house she randomly turns around and makes a random joke " could this handsome man really be my little [MC]" This simply doesn't work, the way it done reads like the open door greet never happened or a stupid immature joke is made. It just feels wrong. Why not then use context like "Let me have a good look at you" "So who are you really, because this handsome man does not look anything like my little [MC]" THEN it works. This again points out the structure of the dialogue being amateurish and needing more revision.
9. Another example, of poor writing, the MC reflects while lying on his bed about kiss with Hannah? When did this happen though as I went through the meeting several times and didnt see anything or read them having a "hello" kiss? Meanwhile it has to do with the MC and Hannahs past experience, but then why have the MC daydream about something we readers don't have context for, again the developer slacks off and just throws shit out there that makes sense in their head maybe but not to the player who has no idea what the story is. Does this developer not read his work?
10. Indication of what the game will be like, i.e. provide players a decent and accurate list of tags that will be implemented would be nice. This is an adult game site, so IMO the kinkier the better

TLDR:

Really nice looking LIs and models are done very well. Even the MC looks decent, the visuals generally are not bad at all, but what kills this AVN is the writing, the writing is a nonsensical amalgamation of ideas and rewrites that were never cleaned up its a total mess and you will end up with so much whiplash its not even funny.