VN - Ren'Py - Lust Witches [v0.3] [Virgin Chad]

[v0.3, remake]

You know the usual issue with AVNs where authors write too much and the script turns out overly verbose? This one is the opposite. There is bare minimum information just to understand who the characters are and what they are doing and why, nothing beyond that. There is no emotion, everything feels shallow. Erotic content lacks build-up, sensuality and intimacy, has least possible context. Sex scenes last for 5 to 15 seconds and have no aftermath: cumshot -> black screen -> time forward, next scene. There is quite a bit of branching for how little content the game has (less than an hour), but I think author should have focused on the writing instead, and made scenes feel more impactful. Sadly the overall quality is below average right now.

As of 0.2:
I love femdom. I really prefer to support it, so I'm not happy to dunk on this. I hope the dev improves and this gets better down the line, I really do.

Okay why this tanks:

Grammar is bad, lots of misused words/spelling issues. Some of the way its written is just poor.

I just started, first choice I got, turned out to be a non-choice. I picked something and the MC goes "nahhhh, I'm gonna leave for school now" WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE IT A CHOICE? okay, maybe its a one time thing right? I get to school, and then presented with a list of places to go and interact with, looks good with like 6-8 choices (didn't actually count). By the time I click through some of them which again were not choices I was left with THREE options from the original large list.

Is this because you plan to develop stuff eventually? Is this space going to be filled in? Why did you put so many choices that just don't work?

And I'm not gonna lie, that's where I quit. This is a horrible first impression, the very first things that happen feel like anything I do is absolutely meaningless. Get a "sad" story about the MC whose ex mocks him cus he is impotent and apparently holds a grudge against him after dumping him (okay?). I just...this is such a mess. I *sincerely* hope this isn't something that stays this way, that this is a case of "I just need to go back and fill in the blanks" or "I am getting a proofreader".

I'm going to wait several more updates before I even consider trying this again. I want to emphasize again, this was a terrible first impression to your game.

Edit: Actually, I want to say somethings positive: There was animation in the beginning which is a good sign. The designs of the characters aren't bad