Ah, yeah, that’s a common thing — many devs improve their quality with each release. But to be honest, in your VN it’s especially noticeable, it really stands out. It’s great that you’re progressing so quickly!
At the same time, I got the impression that not only the technical quality changes, but also the vibe, the story design, and even the characters’ personalities. If at some point you do plan to rework something from the beginning, you might find it useful to get feedback from me about how the story felt to me at different points. I would split it into three parts, which feel very different in terms of mood:
- the first day (including the evening at the bar),
- the second day without the evening,
- the second evening and the following day.
The first day feels like a light, comedic story with a cuckolding theme. The MC is clumsy in words and actions, the “friends” are already pulling “pranks” with his wife, but it all feels easy-going. It’s hard to take the MC seriously, and it’s like we’re being prepared for the wife to cheat — but because of the MC’s clumsiness, it comes across as funny rather than tragic (and also the MC seems to enjoy it, tho somewhat concerned that the situation is going out of control). By the end of that evening, the wife refuses sex with the MC near the bar, saying in Italian that his dick is small. Overall it’s clear that, as you said, you originally planned to make a “light” NTR, without branches. I really liked this part and was hoping the story would continue in this direction.
The second day starts with the route split. And here, I think adding branching made this part rather unclear. It’s not NTS, not NTR, not something in between — instead, it feels like it has an identity crisis, in both routes! (Well, the routes barely differ here). At one moment it’s NTR, the next it’s NTS, and it all feels illogical and chaotic. As I understand, at this point you hadn’t fully figured out how to create content that could be shared between two routes. Also, the vibe shifted from light NTR to pretty harsh humiliation of the wife and, indirectly, the MC as her husband. The “friends” drag Raf by the hair, toss her around, lift and drop her carelessly, slap her face with their dick — and all of this happens in public. They don’t treat her like their gf or wife, but more like a cheap whore they don’t even see as a person. It’s completely unclear why the MC doesn’t react. Sure, he wants her to do something intimate with them — but why would he tolerate them humiliating her like this? In the NTS route it’s somewhat understandable — they (the MC and his wife) are working together, and the wife quietly asks him not to interfere so as not to ruin the potential intimacy. But in the NTR route the MC and his wife don’t have open communication, and it’s hard to explain why he just calmly watches all this. If I saw any girl allowing that kind of treatment in public, I would think that privately she allows the dirtiest things imaginable. That’s exactly what I thought when playing this part in the NTR route — since we don’t talk with the wife, we don’t know what’s in her head, so we can only judge from such indirect hints. But then I was really surprised to see that in the “hidden” part she suddenly behaves reserved at times, saying she’s married and “can’t” do certain things. It’s very confusing why her sense of dignity shows up only in private — usually, it’s the opposite, people are more protective of their dignity in public than in private. Sorry for writing so much here, but I really think this part is the one that most needs reworking. As for the NTS route, besides the excessive humiliation, it’s also strange that the player doesn’t get a choice about sending Raf to “order pizza” with Brucie, where she ends up eating his cum. For me, eating another man’s cum is even more of a sexual act than, say, giving a blowjob without taking the semen in the mouth. So it’s strange that both Raf and the MC treat this as “ok,” and Raf doesn’t even feel guilty afterwards — especially considering that in the next part she will ask permission for much less.
In the third part, starting from the nightclub, like I said, both routes finally feel internally consistent, with a clear focus. The NTR route becomes a story about a wife-nymphomaniac who doesn’t care about marital fidelity at all, and the husband is fine with it. The blue route becomes a pretty interesting NTS, where the MC hates his “friends” (except Jim) but still wants them to fuck his wife. And since the MC gains full control over what, where, and with whom his wife does things, it feels like a kind of wholesome NTS. I really enjoyed the NTS here — especially because of the inner conflict in the MC’s head, where he balances his personal dislike of the “friends” with his desire to see them have sex with his wife. And especially those moments in the spirit of Atelier Sakura’s “cuckolding report” novels, where Raf retells her adventures while jerking him off or riding him. I’d really love to see more of those “reports.”
