Need help with a new game

[Karakas]

Hi to all,
I'll cut to the chase, I'm working on a game, and to have a different view from mine, I did try the game a few friends, but some of them are saying that my english translation is not very understandable. Sadly my English is not that good, so I thought to create a demo and ask for your opinion, because I don't think it's that bad. In the demo there are only 3 scenes and it's just 1/3 of first version of game. I want to thank all those who will give their opinion.

This is link to Mega:

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[Winterfire]

I will try it in a second, do you want my opinion(s) here or in PM?

 

[Karakas]

Here it's ok, thank you

I'm sorry. I forgot to say that is in Unity3D

 

[Winterfire]

1. You should put "English" by default and the settings should have a background rather than the standard unity empty scene as it looks kinda ugly, same for the load game.

2. There is a "quad aura" around the woman, you should also add some intro to let the player know what he is supposed to do.

3. It needs a log.

4. I cannot get in the car and cannot progress past that point (I suppose that is meant to happen?)

5. Wrong lines:
"Alfred is loading the truck, it's better than I'll let him work"
"ahaaa I do not think so, let's go start talking"
"but nothing, ..."
"but now they ..."
"You can take me shopping?"
"then I will ask ..."
"he is a gentleman and never do it, ..."
"If you did not feel?"
"by the erection in his pants seems that Alfred having an erotic dream"
"how you doing?"
"now that I seeing you"
"Is that you're so beautiful, I feel natural compliment you"
"was to give you respect"
"I never meant make you feel old"

There is more but they are not as bad... Capital letters at the beginning of a sentence and correct punctuation would make everything look better and more readable.

As for the rest, it looks really well done, it shows that you put a lot of care into it but you need to refine some things up and fix the dialogue (not just the lines I have pointed but 90% of it).

Good luck on your project!

 

[Karakas]

Thank you for your advice,

point 1 and 2, i know them, but thanks anyway
point 4, click on car make start next scene that there isn't

For the rest i'll try to follow your advice
thank you