I feel like men love to instigate and prod, and women love to please and make the men happy so do the stuff, but men are far far more shy about putting themselves out there.
I think it's there because I can talk about sex and sex toys with my girlfriends in real life and I'm not sure guys are having these kinds of conversations with their man buddies. I think women, some, are more open and more willing to experiment.
I say some because I know women who think even getting naked to take a shower is a horrible thing, but in more than one case those women have severe baggage they never were able to get past that happened to them.
So all people have things they do and don't do. I just think in general, women are more willing to do sexual stuff beyond what their male counterpart at that same level are willing to do.
Along these lines, guys seem less willing to experiment because they tend to view it in that way, as though sex is some dead thing in a museum with labeled parts and whatever specific combination they have is what conveys the message, not what surrounds them or how they make you feel or even the context of how you come into contact with them.
So we see a lot of "I know I don't want to do that because it has ____ in it, only ____s like that, and I'm not ____". Like they come up with an equation to say how they know they won't like it, like the old meme with "hmmm, I've calculated the flavor of your crispened potato snacks in my head". They're fighting against this mindset that tells them they can't be swept up in the moment or connect some sexual idea or act to a person, it has to be linked to a personal evaluation of them and most of those are just ways to lose Man Points or whatever. And to be fair some women do get judgy about this, but also you can't blame anyone for noticing and playing along if that's how you set up the game, you know?
What we're fighting is years of everyone telling us when we were girls that we both have to and shouldn't think about or talk about sex, that the whole subject is basically for boys and our role in it is to perform in certain ways for them - and that some of these are okay and others aren't (only sluts do
those things). Pretty much no one was like "oh you cant' touch your best friend's boobs, that would be gay". It's hard to even think in those terms while you're wondering if wanting to suck dick makes you a slut, whether that's something you really want to do or just something that men are demanding of you &c. When that's what you're dealing with, experimenting is a whole lot of realizing that sex is for you too. You can just do it! Having that moment is a way to start clearing all that baggage out of your closet.
So the porn men write for themselves, whatever the tone is, will be like "in this game you're on elf slut island and all of these bimbos, with fetishes that are clearly labeled, want to fuck you" or "in this game you're a cuck, so everyone in the game wants to laugh at your penis or fuck your girlfriend in front of you". It's
just The Thing, super blunt, because more often than not any scene setting that plays around with the idea of trying something out of your comfort zone or being introduced to something is better spent on scenes of The Thing(s) happening over and over. Porn by women for other women is so easy to spot just because it assumes you have questions. It figures you want to get into the headspace of what it's like to experience The Thing, so it takes you through meeting someone, maybe someone who seems dangerous at first because he or she is associated with things you've not tried before, and then shows you how that might make you feel by playing out the psychological drama of it. It's porn, but it's also a conversation with each other, sharing notes. Guy porn feels like something they trade in the bathroom without looking at each other.
That kinda translates into real life. Because that boy porn keeps it very abstract and academic they can easily chicken out because they have no idea how it'll make them feel to actually do it and can't stand the vulnerability of it. They're not some guy with no eyes and no identity anymore; now it's
them, now it'll make them...something. Every time I've been ready to experiment with something it's been a victory lap. I squashed the voice of my mother telling me not to sit with my legs up! Now I'm r e a d y for that story about fucking a lizard man!
