This isn't the worst VN I've gone through, but it's not good or even meh. It's just bad. The decisions and mini games mean nothing. The choices seemingly close off the MC from other scenes but they're minor and have not consequence to the story as of right now. As for the the mini games, the only one I came across was when this panty waste of an MC gets into a fight with a group of girls who are bullying him. This scene comes across as a bunch of bull****. First of all, in what universe can a girl straight up beat a man going toe to toe? This guy easily out weighs these girls buy a good 40 pounds. This should be the greatest reenactment of One Punch Man. And that may sound sexist, but it's absolutely true. Go watch some YouTube videos and try to tell me I'm wrong. But the biggest and most unbelievable aspect of this scene is even when you win ... you somehow lose. What? How? Why have this stupid mini game if it means literally nothing? What kind of VN is this going to be. Some Mommy Dommy sim? Cause that sounds terrible. Anyway, this was the most mind bendingly bad moment I instantly lost all interest in this story.
Then there the fact that the MC is supposed to be the President's son. The President. Her son. And yet he has no guards at a public school. Zero. What? This entire President thing should be taken out of the story entirely. At no point is it properly established that this kid's mother has any importance or power in this world. She could just as easily be the CEO of the a big company because it would carry the exact same weight as her character now. So within 3 Acts the VN has established that the MC is weak willed, physically weak as well, and pretty dumb based on his ignorance as he approaches everything. Which goes against everything he can do when he walks in on his mother's chauffeur getting out of the bath. So well done, dev. Within one scene you've turned your Protagonist from someone with possibility into a wet rag.
So here's how you can fix this without it needing a complete rework of the art you've created. And feel free to use anything I put here below:
First, have his mother be an important figure in her portion of the country. An industry leader, but not a politician. No one is going to believe that route. Have he former husband, the MC's father, be her counterpart in the Men's world. Have that be the reason he was involved in some shady business and maybe tie it into him wanting to reunite their two sides through their business dealings and that be the reason he was killed. The whole reason whey they're in that ally makes no sense. Have that be the meeting point where the MC was supposed to finally meet his mother and be introduced to their plan. Next have the guy who killed the MCs father be from a rival company trying to strong arm the mother into doing business with his boss instead. This will create a feeling of urgency for the MC to learn what he can about his father's business in hopes of him taking over as the next CEO on his father's behalf. This would also explain the need for him to continue his education as soon as possible even if it means going to school on the "wrong side of the tracks" per se. Next, take away the choices of being Passive or Aggressive. Explain to the reader that he needs to keep a low profile. This would explain why he wouldn't want to fight back because he's trying not to stick his neck out. Additionally, explain to him that there will be people how will see him as threat and not just because he's a man, but also because of his importance. This will setup a better reason for why he gets targeted right away. Next, make it clear that the "Principle" (rename her to the Dean of the college btw, no way is this guy in high school) is not only aware of the targeting taking place when he arrives, but imply that she was in on it by showing her observing the entire interaction from the hallway. This can be your red herring. Have the MC lose his temper and slap the absolute s*** out one of the girls ... in his mind. Make this part what he wants to do, but instead have him clinch his fist and remember the words his mother gave him about who how he must not make a scene. From here have the dean break up the encounter and scold all of the girls, but easily dismiss them without punishment. Then have her attention on the MC as if he was to blame for all of it and tell him to follow her to her office. From here you can have her scold him, force him work on campus, or as a professor's aid while attending classes. This is where you can set up the MC to have a mentor he can trust to try and guide him. This could be the women in read we saw in that flash that came off like a dream (don't reveal that yet). Later in the series have her revealed as a woman he once saw was an associate of his "father." To set up the possibility that she is a bad guy. Make it seem like the man who adopted him was his father's killer, this can be twist that leads to the realization that his father was actually the man he believed had adopted him, but he simply found the man who had tried to take the MC from him as a child. You could make this go deeper by explaining that his mother had hired the man who took the MC, he was supposed to take him and deliver him to her, but he double crossed both her and the MCs father. After which, she agreed it would be best for the MC to grow up with his real father because the risk was too high to bring him to her.
Anyway, this is just an idea of how to clean up some of this. I respect that you're trying to bring some action into the VN but most mini games suck, why else would you let us skip them, right? So focus on telling an intriguing story, drop the mini games and build up your protagonist. Treat him like he's superman. Image having all of that power and restraining yourself so that you don't hurt anyone you'd be willing to save. Make choices count. Give the MC chances to prove himself amongst his adversaries and ways to improve his character. There a lot of potential here. But it feels largely untapped.
As always, I wish the dev all the best with their project. If you're fan be sure to write a review. Explain what you like and what you don't. Remember you go to go through this VN for free. So maybe become a patron to help the dev out financially.
Then there the fact that the MC is supposed to be the President's son. The President. Her son. And yet he has no guards at a public school. Zero. What? This entire President thing should be taken out of the story entirely. At no point is it properly established that this kid's mother has any importance or power in this world. She could just as easily be the CEO of the a big company because it would carry the exact same weight as her character now. So within 3 Acts the VN has established that the MC is weak willed, physically weak as well, and pretty dumb based on his ignorance as he approaches everything. Which goes against everything he can do when he walks in on his mother's chauffeur getting out of the bath. So well done, dev. Within one scene you've turned your Protagonist from someone with possibility into a wet rag.
So here's how you can fix this without it needing a complete rework of the art you've created. And feel free to use anything I put here below:
First, have his mother be an important figure in her portion of the country. An industry leader, but not a politician. No one is going to believe that route. Have he former husband, the MC's father, be her counterpart in the Men's world. Have that be the reason he was involved in some shady business and maybe tie it into him wanting to reunite their two sides through their business dealings and that be the reason he was killed. The whole reason whey they're in that ally makes no sense. Have that be the meeting point where the MC was supposed to finally meet his mother and be introduced to their plan. Next have the guy who killed the MCs father be from a rival company trying to strong arm the mother into doing business with his boss instead. This will create a feeling of urgency for the MC to learn what he can about his father's business in hopes of him taking over as the next CEO on his father's behalf. This would also explain the need for him to continue his education as soon as possible even if it means going to school on the "wrong side of the tracks" per se. Next, take away the choices of being Passive or Aggressive. Explain to the reader that he needs to keep a low profile. This would explain why he wouldn't want to fight back because he's trying not to stick his neck out. Additionally, explain to him that there will be people how will see him as threat and not just because he's a man, but also because of his importance. This will setup a better reason for why he gets targeted right away. Next, make it clear that the "Principle" (rename her to the Dean of the college btw, no way is this guy in high school) is not only aware of the targeting taking place when he arrives, but imply that she was in on it by showing her observing the entire interaction from the hallway. This can be your red herring. Have the MC lose his temper and slap the absolute s*** out one of the girls ... in his mind. Make this part what he wants to do, but instead have him clinch his fist and remember the words his mother gave him about who how he must not make a scene. From here have the dean break up the encounter and scold all of the girls, but easily dismiss them without punishment. Then have her attention on the MC as if he was to blame for all of it and tell him to follow her to her office. From here you can have her scold him, force him work on campus, or as a professor's aid while attending classes. This is where you can set up the MC to have a mentor he can trust to try and guide him. This could be the women in read we saw in that flash that came off like a dream (don't reveal that yet). Later in the series have her revealed as a woman he once saw was an associate of his "father." To set up the possibility that she is a bad guy. Make it seem like the man who adopted him was his father's killer, this can be twist that leads to the realization that his father was actually the man he believed had adopted him, but he simply found the man who had tried to take the MC from him as a child. You could make this go deeper by explaining that his mother had hired the man who took the MC, he was supposed to take him and deliver him to her, but he double crossed both her and the MCs father. After which, she agreed it would be best for the MC to grow up with his real father because the risk was too high to bring him to her.
Anyway, this is just an idea of how to clean up some of this. I respect that you're trying to bring some action into the VN but most mini games suck, why else would you let us skip them, right? So focus on telling an intriguing story, drop the mini games and build up your protagonist. Treat him like he's superman. Image having all of that power and restraining yourself so that you don't hurt anyone you'd be willing to save. Make choices count. Give the MC chances to prove himself amongst his adversaries and ways to improve his character. There a lot of potential here. But it feels largely untapped.
As always, I wish the dev all the best with their project. If you're fan be sure to write a review. Explain what you like and what you don't. Remember you go to go through this VN for free. So maybe become a patron to help the dev out financially.
