talk about tonal whiplash
from making out with your sister to seeing your parents murdered, getting a handy then hearing cries of help from your PC, and from just chatting with a friend to seeing a child be killed in front of you as you try to console her
it's not bad, just not at all what i expected. Also i agree the lewds are definitely very... immature? inexperienced? which honestly fits, considering the main 2 don't strike me as experienced people, but the way that it hops from scene to scene without really lingering on any of them or the characters (unless you wanna count "3-frame animation into 2 lines of dialogue 3 times" as lingering) and the fact that while yes some of the horror is actually kinda harrowing. Some of it feels like there's a ghost in the house dicking with conrad because he's bored. like the noise or making his sister wake him up, that feels like it only really pads out time instead of being "oh em gee gais she said she went to bed and never got up how scawee" which i guess was the intended reaction. I'm not saying "c'mon add sex NOW" because that's how you get a poorly written mess with no coherency, i actually thought it's kinda going really fucking fast with frame one "do you want your sister to see you change?" like does conrad just not give a shit? but now considering the scenes we have are
1º see tit
2º kiss
3º masturbate
feels like a teens idea of a relationship more than either an actual relationship or a porn relationship. Realistically they'd go about it slower. way fucking slower. and more porn focused ones either hop to it instantly which i think kinda sucks and kills the romanticism and mystique of consummating a relationship for me, or dance around it while giving the audience something to chew on instead of GETTING ON WITH IT. Neither of these fit the current tone, I feel
so, to actual constructive criticism, how to fix this?
fix the pacing, either lean into the porn and really focus on it, make the scenes longer, with more art and dialogue and explore the relationship the two have, or focus on the story and keep the porn more split up instead of being more obviously split into porn then plot then porn then plot. There's a billion games here on this site that do that because lessons in love did it so that means it must be good, but that game really paced out the horror to really let it catch you off guard and creep you out while here it's just kinda there (not that I'm comparing the two stories, just the pacing).
figure out your tone, and the story will take shape from there
I'm not saying the story or the art or the direction is bad, the reason i haven't mentioned any of that is because i like that. The art feels charming and the scenes carry this weight that comes from having two inexperienced people go at it which i feel really helps sell the tone of the relationship, The idea of horror and sex can and has worked on multiple occasions in other media, and the horror is actually scary, if coming kinda out of nowhere at times.
Here's to many updates to come