VN - Ren'Py - Abandoned - Running Away [v0.8] [Mr. AJ]

Pretty good overall. Enjoyed what there is so far i will follow along and see where it goes.
From what i have found this is the dev's first VN and everything looks promising. There are the usual grammar mistakes which are expected renders look pretty good.

I will try to remember and come back and make a better review at a later update when more of the story is told. (Game is v0.8 as of writing this)

this is a difficult one to rewiev ,i have a little hard time to understaund the dialogue not the story but also the pace.
quality renders not always engage the viewers,need a good story behind .looks that there is something good here but the absolutely non cahrismatic mc gives me a lot to think even if he take a path to redeem himself ,he ois a douchebag and a little brat at times and overconfidence sometimes in the wrong places and with the wrong ppl so i dont know ......i give it a 4 bcs the developer can manage to taake back all the bad in a couple of scenes, if he want but again look that even the wrong choices aent change nothing at all.
time with tell if we have a good one or a total crap.

It astounds me that people try to write ENTIRE GAMES in a language they don't even speak and then try to make money off of it. And I'm shocked further that people pay money for it. But this is some of the worst broken English I've read on this site. At first, I thought it was some spelling mistakes, but it gets worse and worse. All that on top of a story(?) that has given you, if my math is correct, ZERO details as to what is even going on. If I got paid for every ambiguous sentence or broken train of thought to avoid even saying why the MC is in whatever situation he's in. Let me tell ya. And that's another thing, not only do you not know WHY he's in some sort of situation, you don't know WHAT situation he's in. The only facts are MC is now living with his NOTCousin Brooklyn, he's VP of some company, and the word "drugs" has been thrown around a lot.

If there is ANYONE that can tell me more than that about the story, be my guest. But there is no initial "Hook" or anything to pull in a reader. It's all "Look at these models I bought for DAZ." I will say the posing is slightly above average, but who cares? This is about an hour of banter, ellipses, and non-descript details.

Also, Dev, put "window show" at the top of "label start:" You know how many lines I skipped and had to roll back because of your transitioning BGs?

Game is good, good renders and good models. Even though MC acts like asshole he cares. Story is interesting. Relation between MC and brooke has its own charm. Other than brooke many other girls are mentioned in the game. But for now only two girls are fully visualised in the game. The girl other than brooke is also funny. Negtive part is game is short I wished there was more. But it's ok I also prefer quality over quantity. Game also don't have sound effects nor music. I don't care about music but it would be nice if there was little sound effects like car sounds etc which gives some ampience.

Keep up the good work dev. Hoping game will receive more attention. Looking forward to next updates

UPDATED: NOV 21 2022:
10 months on and my enthusiasm for this title is sadly waning and, to be honest, it disappoints me desperately. The girls Brook, Sofia, Riley, Tanya, Mia are visually absolutely stunning, but following the interactions, the dialogue and "action(?)" such as it is, is like wading through molasses (the least offensive medium I could think of). For me, this story's problems have little to do with the language issue.

My difficulty is in finding anything of substance actually going on. It's 99.99% squabbling and back-biting. All four of the major characters, mc, Brook, Riley and Tanya spend all their time either nit-picking, belittling, telling each other to f**k off and/or bitching back and forth at each other like a bunch of immature kids. I was seriously astonished at the mc's meeting with Riley, upon snatching an all too fleeting glimpse of the really quite intelligent, thoughtful, empathetic, self-possessed "man" seemingly hiding inside the hitherto petty, chauvinistic, argumentative, juvenile idiot that I'd been led to believe I, as mc, was trapped inside. Brook has her moments too, moments of empathy, fondness, uncertainty and, dare I say it, naturally adorable femininity.

But everything that could be brilliant about this tale is being constantly held back by the overbearing preponderance of arguing and nit-picking. It takes a veritable age to get through what a few normal sentences would normally accomplish and it is becoming absolutely and totally tiresome.

I had high hopes that Sofia might be different but then we had to go through all that pointless, meaningless baloney about the mc showing her round the city... GGGRRRRRHHHHH!!!!! I could sit and gaze into Sofia's exquisite eyes and kiss those soft, no doubt sweet lips all night long, but as soon as she engages that immature, calculating brain of hers and opens that gorgeous mouth to speak the dream is shattered irrevocably. Same with Tanya to Riley...bitch, bitch, bitch...and Tanya to mc...threat, threat, threat... Maybe Mia will prove to be a welcome exception, but she just appeared and got straight into the sack with the mc so, for the time being at least, the jury's out on her.

I'm by no means giving up on this yet, although my intention of Patreon support is still on hold, but my score remains the same mainly because the visual impact of the introduction of Riley, Tanya and Mia has distracted me from my deeper doubts and given me renewed hope and eye candy to watch and enjoy.

However, apart from that I'm really desperate to get away from the squabbling, intolerance and point-scoring and see, for a welcome change, some substance in the story and where Mr A.J. can take us. I really do want "Running Away" to be a success for Mr. A.J.

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WRITTEN: JAN 21 2022:
Come on! The story is, so far, definitely intriguing and mysterious with a palpable undercurrent of serious danger and threat. I am looking forward to piecing together the bigger picture and within it, what's going on, who the characters really are and what their roles and contributions will be as the story unfolds.

The locations and renders are certainly up to standard with the modeling of the two girls we have seen so far Brooklyn and Sofia right on point. Both are absolutely drop-dead gorgeous and both seem strong with Brooklyn, in particular, already proving to be very direct and assertive to the point of being domineering. I'm hoping we'll get to see more, in every sense of the word, of both girls in future.

Mr. AJ is active in the forum which is always an encouraging sign and, for me, this is a great and promising start for a new title with plenty of scope for expansion and enjoyment ahead.

Running Away is certainly already, for me, worthy of more than the mundane score of 3 stars, so I give 4 stars at this early point, in the hope of being able to add the final star a bit further on down the road.

Thanks a bunch Mr. AJ for sharing your vision and your talent with us and good luck to all on the journey ahead.

I will start with the good.
The girls are absolutely gorgeous!
Ok now the rest.
The Main Character is not very likable. The grammar and writing of the conversations need serious editing. Realizing this is just the start, I am hopeful that I can come back and raise my review.
Good Luck!
Peace

I will say average on the 0.2, since i don't have enough context to juge the story, and the render are quite not finished (or at least the speed was to fast sot not beautiful).

But if the sorry follow and is interesting (like i think it seem) why not.
Will modify this and add the old one in spoiler when update come, good luck to the dev.