VN - Ren'Py - Serenity Meadows [v0.1 Intro] [Storm.ING]

Loved the intro !

Just a few mistakes in the code

• Wrong relationship variable used after defining them, when saying who Luna and Lana are to the MC
• Luna/Lana characters variables switched
  (lana.name='Luna' and luna.name="Lana")
• MC default name used instead of MC variable name on one frame
  I don't use default name for MC, but saw an "Ethan" at the end while talking with Nataly and Lissa

But otherwise, this VN has an amazing start , and I can't wait to see more of it !

VERSION: 0.1
SUMMARY: Half baked game based on premise that has been done many times before and many times better.
RATINGS: (out of 5):

1. Models: 4
2. Visuals: 4
3. Animations: 0
4. Characters: 3
5. Story: 2
6. Writing: 2
7. Pacing: 3
8. UI & Sounds: 3
9. Lewd: 0
10. Kinks: 0

Average: 21 of 50 possible points giving a 42% rating i.e. 2-3 stars.

PROS:

1. Models are decent looking, at least the love interests are, the MCs hair though...fml.
2. Renders are decent normally, but are not high quality.
3. Ability to set relationships as you want.

CONS:

1. MC looks kinda weird if not stupid, the hairstyle is...just bad, but also he has little to no eye lashes, his eyes are tiny and far apart, kinda like a pit bull . This is a little bit of nitpick ill admit, but its my opinion.
2. Renders are poor when there is a focus point, like a scene that seems zoomed in, then the image becomes grainy e.g., panty scene for new pledge girl in living room.
3. Writing is sub-optimum and needs more proof reading. While spelling is generally fine, the structure and grammar are poor and result in conversations becoming unnatural. English doesn't seem to be the developers strong suite.
4. Story, nothing new or even interesting in terms of story or even "sub-stories" and scenes. If anything there is a lot of bullshit happening that makes ZERO sense e.g., woman gets hand "supposedly" stuck between a box of cookies on a shelf and needs the MC to pull her free? Come the fuck on?! why not just make a scene where the MC needs to get past the woman, trips over something and rams his groin into her ass. I would believe the whole "she tripped and he fell story" over this shit. There are several bullshit scenes like this one which are just poor planning and writing.
5. Some bugs like phone scene skips through without the player normally progressing to next scene, so reading it is tricky.
6. Another bug with relationship setting, that needs to be rechecked as there is some issue I noticed while setting the relationships, also the name of Lana and Luna, think there was something there, kinda confusing, maybe just make their names totally different for confusion sake?
7. No real lewd scenes or any kinks right now so can't review it really.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

• To the dev, I would suggest really sit and flesh out your story and dialogue between characters well before getting into the development and visuals. Your story and scenes are often littered with bullshit try hard moments that are nonsense. The flow, story, interactions with characters are just unnatural and its very stark and obvious. You need to be much more subtle. Sometimes you don't need to be, but that would be with maybe one character in the story that doesn't mince word and just takes what they want or acts over the top. For that to work you still need to set the stage and develop your characters and their personalities else you kinda throw the player off with these over the top random moments.
• I am not hating the game/VN and considering this is the first release, I would say its not too bad, however if you want to make a decent first impression, I suggest revise this before carrying on. Here is a fair bit of work to be done if you measure it to some the games/VN's out there.