VN - Ren'Py - Onhold - Shadow Guardian [v0.6] [Nolosetio]

The english translation is so bad I couldnt even take more than the intro. Unless the dev improves this there is no point in playing this sadly. Cant really say anything about the story is I didnt see much, but it looks like it could be quite cool. If you speak spanish than you probably will have fun with it as its originally written in it

Right now I have to give it just 3.5 stars.
The story is interesting, the LIs are fun and the MC is mildly interesting.
The scenes are ok, I wish they would just keep them running while the dialog happens but instead you see the animation with dialog then click to see it freezes with no dialog then click again to either see just dialog or a new animation with dialog. Feels like they could easily just string the animations together and skip the pauses in between.
The biggest Con is The English translation really needs a lot of work, almost every time someone talks there is a few errors. It really pulls you out when you have to think about what it is they are trying to say. I do not mind bad grammar or a few typos but this is just really bad translation that just needs some work.

English: 4
User Interface: 3
User Experience: 3
Art: 4
Dialogue: 3
Story: 3
Opinion: 5
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Avg: 3.57

Usually, I try to wait until the 7th release of these games. That usually marks a good half a year of "development." And you can see how a Dev will update(or not so much) their game. And this "game" desperately needs someone to go through and edit this. As the English is completely unreadable. For once, I will say that this has an option to change to the native language, but to release a translation of this low quality is a complete disservice to the dev and any potential "players". And do you notice all my quotes? This is a Kinetic Novel. The only choice in this is "What is your name?" And not even that, Dev doesn't know how to mark the input field for translation so it's "Nombre/Name?" This has almost completely stock RenPy UI outside of a few fonts. While I'm grateful for having new fonts, not editing the look of the interface feels lazy and takes away any personality the project might have had. And once again, the window title is just "A RENPY GAME." And after looking at the code, Dev actively commented out the option to name the window? But I'm digressing a little too hard, right now. I'll fully dive into my gripes after I run through a synopsis of the story so far.

The story starts with Dev making the tired joke of the characters reading a fake script to you the player, immediately setting the tone with the 4th wall breaking humor that never stops. Then cuts to MC, virgin boy extraordinaire exploring ruins for whatever reason. Soon after a shadow figure possesses him, makes him pass out, and he takes an old book he finds on an altar, home. Right after, MC does the typical "Anime Protagonist Spiel" of his best friend and the girl he's loved since forever, blah blah blah. You have best friend, the womanizer with a heart of gold(and spanish character insert?), and the love interest with no discernable personality beyond "She loves MC." Moving on, MC invites Sue (LI) out to the cave where he was possessed and lost consciousness because you know, that's what you do on dates, endanger loved ones. They get close to the cave, the Shadow Guardian threatens Sue, and MC says "No don't hurt her, I'll do whatever you want." But the Shadow never says what he wants or what he's gonna do with MC beyond taking over his body for... reasons? Or at least it doesn't translate well so I don't understand. And in terms of overarching story, that's about it. MC pretty much tells everyone he meets that a shadow spirit is living in him. After a flashback into the shadow's past, he sees the shaman lady (but also spelled chaman???) that was killed in the middle ages in present day. And nothing else after an ominous encounter with Giselle who later says "So that was my brother?"

All the rest is filler, interpersonal nothings. Every few minutes there's a grating 4th wall break for no reason. And with those breaks, Dev either says "rate my game" or advertises other games? And doing that just feels cheap, like you don't have the confidence to let the game stand on its own. One of them was even for a twitch streamer? I just don't find any of it charming, at all. On to the gripes, that I haven't already gone on about. In the opening, Giselle says "There's not a harem ending yet" which would imply there's other endings, but this being ENTIRELY KINETIC and unfinished, there're NO ENDINGS. So what's the point even saying that? Especially when Sue is a bisexual cuckquean that completely unnaturally facilitates MC to have other girls to sleep with out of nowhere. And at the end, Dev says "If you're playing the English version and there's any errors report them." But just about EVERY line is plagued by bad English or spelling and/or grammar issues. Find someone to properly edit the translations because as it stands now, the poor translation makes everything in the story either make no sense or sound robotic and/or childish. So like I said, a complete disservice to anyone that reads it. And I don't speak Spanish so I don't know how it reads in Spanish, but the other 5 star reviews are all in Spanish so it must be some masterpiece that we're just not privy to.

Anyways, like I said, English abysmal. The UI and UX are both pretty much completely stock RenPy, so there's no effort there. The art is inconsistent and honestly not that great. And I say that because I've seen plenty of Koikatsu based games that look good, Hell, one of my favorite games on this site is based in Koikatsu. Just do a little post-processing to make the pictures seem a little less flat and have less blown out colors, that will go a long way. The dialogue and story suffer from the translation, all the characters kinda act the same and the story tries to be serious, but you have these jokes that detract from the tone so you can't even get into it. And my opinion is middle of the road, right now, solely in hopes the Dev fixes, if nothing else, the translation. If I can come back to this at some other time and the English gets a full rework, it would solve most of my issues.

And to the Dev, if you're not steaming out the ears at my negative review right now. I can kinda see there's a bit more of a story here, and I wish you the best of luck. All this comes not from malice, but the fact that I WANT to like this story. Hell, if you need help with RenPy I'm more than happy to give pointers. But this is not fit for an English audience as it stands. My advice would be find more than one translator or hold off on English releases until you can find better editors. I think there's even a crowdsourcing website to translate games, look into that.

I really like all about that entity trying to take jacks body, and also the girls.
Seems very curious and wants to see more about it.

Also, his mexican friend is so random, I love it hahaha.

Waiting for more

(Español) Hola, he descargado el juego y lo he probado y jugado, la historia es interesante, es corta pero tiene sus puntos de suspenso o risa, me gusta mucho la trama entre los personajes y como tiene el fantasma negro desarrollado dentro de la historia Me gustaría que hubiera más capítulos de esta intrigante historia. El único error que hubo fue una pequeña falta de ortografía en una palabra, pero no pasa nada, es un error común que a veces se escapa, pero la historia es corta e interesante, espero que hagáis mas capítulos del videojuego.

(English) Hello, I have downloaded the game and I have tried and played it, the story is interesting, it is short but it has its points of suspense or laughter, I really like the plot between the characters and how the black ghost has developed within the story I wish there were more chapters of this intriguing story. The only mistake there was was a small spelling mistake in a word, but nothing happens, it's a common mistake that sometimes escapes, but the story is short and interesting, I hope you make more chapters of the video game.

a good story with great mysteries and some pretty good scenes with somewhat peculiar and quite mysterious characters and some good waifus as well as a fairly impressive interaction between characters and player it seems that some moments break the 4 wall