if you want it, make it.
while it might sound like consensual bdsm should be a thing, its existence as a fantasy is in polar opposition to bdsm.
what I mean is that each of the kinks in bdsm (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism) as FANTASY are inherently nonconsensual. while in REAL LIFE it's obviously crucial to include consent to practice bdsm, that is NOT the fantasy. the fantasy is to experience all these things as nonconsensual, that's the core of what makes it hot for a bdsm fan. it's not about having vanilla sex in latex suit, it's not dress-up.
a bondage sub isn't fantasizing about consensual restriction of their movement or bloodflow, they're fantasizing of being forced to endure it. they just need a safe way to experience it IRL and that's where the consent comes in, but it's not part of the fantasy of it.
similarly the dom fantasizes of forcing his sub, the sadist fantasizes of forcing discomfort and pain upon his victim, the masochist fantasizes of being forced to endure discomfort or pain. no one's fantasy is to chain a girl into a humiliating position in a scary dungeon just to ASK FOR HER CONSENT TO DO IT.
in real life you agree to limits and consent BEFORE the session, exactly to avoid pulling your partner out of their fantasy during the bdsm scene. if she's gagged or otherwise unable to tell you to stop during scene, you check for her consent in a way previously agreed to. like by touching her shoulder after which she can nod to go on or shake her head to stop. or you ask her, but even then you try to do it in a way that doesn't pull her out of her fantasy.
so now, when we understand the core of bdsm kink family, we understand why there's no demand for a fantasy of 'consensual bdsm'. it would be like watching a dracula movie where the count asks his victims "may I bite your neck and murder you?" and the victim answers "no thanks, I don't consent to it", and then dracula would go back to his castle without doing anything.
that's not the movie we wanted to see, we wanted to see the movie where the vampire ruthlessly forces violence on his victims against their will. the core of the vampire fantasy is it being nonconsensual.
now, that ofc doesn't mean a tourist to bdsm world can't or shouldn't want to see women in bdsm gear having vanilla sex, basically playing dress-up. but it's not bdsm, and no one who's into bdsm will make that game for you because it's not THEIR fantasy. you'll have to look into vanilla scene to find it or more likely make it yourself.
