Review for Chapter 1 V1.0.0
“Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick” - Kevin (The Office)
Dialogue is longer than it needs to be. Try to say what you need to say with as few words as possible. Especially in a porn game. Let your character models do some of the talking for you. Take advantage of the visual medium.
There are also some pacing issues where you get long periods of time without a porn scene then several porn scenes in a row
Exposition is longer than it needs to be. Only include what is necessary for the plot to advance.
Leave some of the story up to the players imagination. Again, only include what is strictly necessary to move the plot forward. Sometimes its ok to let the player decide what the MC thinks of a situation rather than spelling it out for them.
“Nice guys finish last”
Write believable characters. MrDots games suffer from a problem that a lot of porn games suffer from. The MC is written in such a way that you feel like you’re playing White Knight/Simp Simulator. In almost every possible dialogue choice all you have to do is think “What would a White Knight say” and that is almost always the correct choice. This is fine if the fantasy is that you can be a simp and still get the girls but I like characters that are more realistic. IRL women often respond positively to a guy that is kind of a jackass because he is bold and assertive; even more so if that man is attractive. The other side of this is the women responding positively to you behaving like a White Knight instead of being turned off by it. It takes me out of the story because it’s so completely the opposite of how women think and behave.
The pursed lips facial expression if used often and incorrectly. Why? This is a problem in DMD as well
The overarching story is actually pretty good. The characters are interesting and have unique personalities for the most part.
Grammar and spelling are good. This is a huge plus and probably worth at least 1 whole star.
I would also like to echo the sentiment expressed in other reviews that the Donut mini-game is an annoying distraction. It takes me out of the story trying to scan every single new screen for a Donut and it's frustrating that you can’t even get them all unless you go back through the game trying every single different story path. Maybe a Patreon code could be added for people that want to not bother with it and still see the Gallery Images?
The peeping tom mode is almost a necessity because of the story pacing but it could be more interesting. Maybe have them wearing sexy outfits more often or sometimes have body writing on them or something to make it more fun and interesting.
“Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick” - Kevin (The Office)
Dialogue is longer than it needs to be. Try to say what you need to say with as few words as possible. Especially in a porn game. Let your character models do some of the talking for you. Take advantage of the visual medium.
There are also some pacing issues where you get long periods of time without a porn scene then several porn scenes in a row
Exposition is longer than it needs to be. Only include what is necessary for the plot to advance.
Leave some of the story up to the players imagination. Again, only include what is strictly necessary to move the plot forward. Sometimes its ok to let the player decide what the MC thinks of a situation rather than spelling it out for them.
“Nice guys finish last”
Write believable characters. MrDots games suffer from a problem that a lot of porn games suffer from. The MC is written in such a way that you feel like you’re playing White Knight/Simp Simulator. In almost every possible dialogue choice all you have to do is think “What would a White Knight say” and that is almost always the correct choice. This is fine if the fantasy is that you can be a simp and still get the girls but I like characters that are more realistic. IRL women often respond positively to a guy that is kind of a jackass because he is bold and assertive; even more so if that man is attractive. The other side of this is the women responding positively to you behaving like a White Knight instead of being turned off by it. It takes me out of the story because it’s so completely the opposite of how women think and behave.
The pursed lips facial expression if used often and incorrectly. Why? This is a problem in DMD as well
The overarching story is actually pretty good. The characters are interesting and have unique personalities for the most part.
Grammar and spelling are good. This is a huge plus and probably worth at least 1 whole star.
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I would also like to echo the sentiment expressed in other reviews that the Donut mini-game is an annoying distraction. It takes me out of the story trying to scan every single new screen for a Donut and it's frustrating that you can’t even get them all unless you go back through the game trying every single different story path. Maybe a Patreon code could be added for people that want to not bother with it and still see the Gallery Images?
The peeping tom mode is almost a necessity because of the story pacing but it could be more interesting. Maybe have them wearing sexy outfits more often or sometimes have body writing on them or something to make it more fun and interesting.