VN - Ren'Py - Abandoned - Surviving With My Daughter [v1.0] [Golden Bunny]

I dont even know what to write here. Every interesting render is in the description of the game here, so there is no point in downloading the game, if you dont want special reading of some crazy story.

This is mostly a (very short) demo.
And i'm not sold on the concept.

The renders are very good, including the animations.

But there are two things that irk me the bad way:
1-Faces. Why are they always smiling? They are talking about serious subject, how they are wanted and hunted, how they need to find the abducted wife/mother, how evil is the evil corporation, but with a smile.

2-The story.
I love dystopian universes. I love weird fetishes.
This game is set in a dystopian city ruled by an authoritarian corporation surrounded by anarchic wasteland, and tells the story of sexy times between a young daughter and a father. All I like!

Then what is wrong?

Everything!

The premise is that the father and his wife worked for the corp, the wife killed the doctor when he tried to chip the daughter, and the husband became a deserter when he refused to detain his wife. So far so good.

Then, I guess the game starts either 10~12 years later if the girl is underage, or 17~18 years if they play the safe "all characters are of legal age" card.

That's where things get wrong.

We are told mandatory chipping is recent. Then, why did the daughter have to be chipped?

We are told members of the corp didn't need to be chipped until recently. Then, why did the daughter have to be chipped?

If chipping was becoming mandatory around the time the daughter was born, it means there should have been no new "unchipped" people over whatever the girl's age is. Then, why the need for so many unchipped hunter androids and drones?

The family fled the corp while the girl was young, and they have been living hidden since then. Why did the mother suddenly think she had to destroy the corp? Why does the corp have a mugshot of the daughter decades later if they only knew her as a baby?

This demo is 10min long. And it's already full of plotholes. I can't begin to imagine how bad it will get further down in development.

A lot of promise. I'd give this 3.5 stars if I could. A clear 5 if the issues below get fixed.

The Good:

Art/Animation: 5/5. Pretty fantastic production levels for this sort of game. Possibly the best 3d renders I've seen on this site.

Writing other than intro and sexual situations: 5/5 for a VN with adult content. There is a lower bar set for adult VNs of course, and of videogames in general.

The Bad:

Facial expression/text mismatch.
Mainly in the beginning, but throughout some sex parts too. Nothing a few more renders can't fix. I have a feeling this was due to time constraints. But you can't get away with this in a quality game. Expressions must match context.

Intro: Exposition written at the beginning:
Starts awkwardly with a huge chunk of exposition at once. A few choice sentences could give us the gist, with some additional renders to help. Just enough to paint the world and situation for us. Some backstory can also be pushed back further into the game. Suggestion: Rewatch some films or TV shows that do an opening summary well. And I'm not talking about Star Wars.
If you still want to include all of that information right at the start rather than bits and pieces, you're likely going to need a full update worth of renders for it. Plus, the writing will need some work here.

Biggest Gripe: The WAY TOO ABRUPT sexual situation. Plus lack of any stumbling, learning curve, or real hesitance from either character:
(Paraphrasing)
"Say, Pops! Why doncha plop yah cock in muh cheeks?"
"Duh. Well, I dunno, honey."
"Aww c'mon, big daddy. This uterus-train chuggin full-steam-ahead & mom ain't around for your annual dipstick-check. So jiggle these mudflaps, why doncha?"
"Welp. Fair enough." *Shrugs and unzips*

I mean, talk about abrupt and implausible. You *can* throw users into the action right away, but it needs to be done with some choice words and glances beforehand, to paint a picture that both chemistry and understanding were already building off-screen between them long before the start of the game. Maybe in the first scene have her catch MC glancing "again" and tease him about it. And/or vice-versa. Plus a few more choice comments and looks/glances here and there leading up to this point. But you need to show something. It is possible to do abrupt well. But it does take some thought and writing skill to pull off. Foreshadowing is your friend. Additionally, no one's going to be an expert right out of the gate, so the lack of any stumbling around is pretty implausible. (Especially relevant to sex scene #2. Maybe have MC coach her into a goldilocks situation: Too hard. Too soft. Jussst right).
Other option is to slow this all down quite a bit, which might be a lot easier writing-skill wise. Both options could absolutely use an "educational" slant or learning curve too, plus a bit more initial hesitance or at least caution/concern from male MC. Though I'm sure many would prefer option 1 (quick action) if the dev has enough writing and visual storytelling skill to pull it off with a good retcon/edit. Very much needed.

[v1.0]

Pretty early to leave a review, but since others are doing it...

The writing is extremely bad. There is probably a decent idea for a plot, but the execution is lacking to say the least.

Let's talk about the actual plot first. We start things off with a drab exposition dump. Then the characters start talking about a pretty depressing and serious topic, but both of them are grinning the whole time like it's funny. They talk about all the dangers of going outside and how the corp is keeping watch everywhere with various methods of identifying them, but when they actually go outside, it's like they are taking a stroll in the part.

They spot some dangerous individuals who would kill them on sight seemingly just across the street, but they don't make any effort get out of there or hide. The MC then does a character introduction of these enemies for his daughter, who don't seem to know anything about the world she is living in, even though she's been on the run literally her entire life. It's obviously just an exposition for the players and makes little sense as an actual conversation.

If that isn't bad enough, the actual porn content and the character relation between this daddy daughter combo is some bottom of the barrel stuff. The loli keeps saying she is a "woman with needs" like she is 18+ while simultaneously acting like a preteen. The incest is not built up whatsoever and they just get naked and jerk each other off nonchalantly with some cursory "but I'm your daddy..." protests from the MC just to tell us that yes, incest (and being a pedo) is supposedly taboo. So the boundary wasn't broken before we start the story, nor is it said to be normal in this universe for "daddies" to bang their daughters. It's just basic amateur writing that doesn't really establish the characters. The Engrish and trite dialogues don't really help any.

Sex scenes are basically just a series of oddly posed animations with minimal text. The facial expressions are uncanny and often doesn't fit the situation. I can't really praise the visual presentation as a whole, but some of the models are quite cool (like the female cyborg and MC's friend).

Give it a pass unless you are just here for another loli game with bad writing.

My Reaction for this game: interesting game

★ Gameplay : ✭✭✭✭✰
★ Story : ✭✭✭✭✰
★ Spelling : ✭✭✭✭✰
★ renders : ✭✭✭✭✰
★ Animations: ✭✭✭✭✰
★ Potential : ✭✭✭✭✭
★ Overall : ✭✭✭✭✰
★ Girls physique : ✭✭✭✭✰
★ Graphic : ✭✭✭✭✰
★ Creativity :✭✭✭✭✰

Note :

Definitely you should try it .

◉ All the best to the developer .

I don't normally review things, so excuse the disjointedness.

I found the sound effects and music to be better than the usual VN. This goes for the gameplay, but also the little phone thing. One thing though, I'd like the effects of opening and closing the phone screens to be a tad faster.

I like the models chosen, they fit the cyberpunk environment, like MC's friend. Ambiance sounds good. I'm including both the lighting (like the bar and tunnel) and the sound. This and the sfx and music make me optimistic, at least for now.

So far, with a single release, I see the beginnings of a story forming. It's hard to do cyberpunk right. I hope that it keeps going in that direction, as it's one of my favorite settings ever. My favorite game by far is Septerra Core: Legacy of the Creator, a sort of fantasy/cyberpunk thing. So the theme does boost my interest. Won't go into specifics because spoilers.


TLDR;

* Models (e.g. MC's friend and the Commander) are good and look the part
* SFX is pretty neat and fits every scene so far
* Cyberpunk theme is always a plus (for me, at least)

I just played this genius game:
-I love the setting.
-The designs are amazing, Lucy the best I've seen.
-The story I can imagine where it will go, and I love that, but I hope to see if it's true what I think.
-The lighting is very well done.
If this doesn't drop in quality and continues like this, I'll keep my five stars here.

Masterpiece! The designs are very good. The quality is very noticeable.
I think it can become one of the TOP games of this web.
I hope the story continues in this way.
The music and the staging of the characters and expressions in each situation, make it very realistic.
Great job DEV I hope for much more!

Music makes the difference.
The story is very good, with those references to other games!
I hope to see some of those characters.
The renders are the best I've seen and it has a very good quality in the transition.
All in all it's a success!
Congratulations and I want to see more. Here you have my five stars and my subscription.

The tags and the renders have my interest, the premise is okay, and the writing is... good enough.

But I gotta say, not making it possible to make the text background transparent is reaaaaally making it hard for me to get into the game. Completely destroys immersion, and is a pretty easy fix from the developer end.

The game also needs some serious polish at this point in time. Graphical glitches, like backgrounds shifting between sentences, etc. I am somewhat worried this will go in a more sandbox direction as well given some of the game mechanics.

Overall, solid start. Would be potentially willing to update rating in the future. One star is missing due to the lack of transparent dialogue box options, one star is missing due to polish/writing concerns.

Edit - there is a way to make the dialogue box transparent, and already was. It is a blue bar along the bottom right when in game, not a setting in preferences. I have adjusted my rating accordingly.

I was expecting something mediocre and crappy, but to my surprise the technical level is quite good, the renders are clean, good use of lighting, good use of D-force, above average.

The problem and why I give it a two, the story is the typical script about a guy who wants to fuck his daughter, a good dose of pedophilia and incest, with a fairly mediocre script, if the creator takes himself more seriously, could compete against "Broken Dreamers", I'm not exaggerating.

Sounds promising, but as usual I'm going to be harsh on one point, the VN spoils it all. I saw that certain things were installed, such as the telephone, the possibility of seeing the characters with a system of levels (intelligence, strength...) which is more for sandbox than for VN. Esque the games will evolve progressively in sandbox, management. We'll see maybe in a few months.

WoW! Really? The story is very good, the renders have that touch of blur that makes you see what the Dev wants to convey. I hope he continues along this line. The animations are very well done and the overall quality is perfect. I hope it has the necessary support to continue, the story hooks and that's good. Congratulations!

Amazing! It has everything to be my favorite game!
Design: 10
Renders: 10
Story: 10
Animations: 10
Also, the ending was very TV series like. I love this game. I hope they continue with this quality in everything.
And if it has references to The Lust of Us, Resident Evil, Fallout and Soy Legenda, I can't ask for more.
Great job Dev.