unclester

New Member
Nov 21, 2018
6
4
These types of games need a really good writer to be successful. Unfortunately between the poor grammar and plot it is too hard for me to get into the game. And sometimes the writing is just down right confusing, especially when he and she is mixed up during dialog between two characters.

The idea is alright I guess, but having everyone in your life turn on you at the drop of the hat seems a bit too unbelievable. Especially since there is little to no evidence against you. Even if everyone that works at your precinct is corrupt it would still be hard to believe.

It just all happens too fast. Maybe it would be better if you could play some of the time you're in prison. Allowing for character development by slowly becoming corrupt while trying to survive life as an ex-cop in prison. I'm sure that could force you to make some devious decisions. Possibly allowing you to make contact with someone that has information about your false conviction. Which could help set up the plot for your slaver job once you get out of prison.
 

MorDraka09

Newbie
Jul 21, 2018
27
8
this game needs more work before i'll look at it again, no real form to it as yet that i can see.
 

Gaboris

Member
Aug 10, 2017
405
230
Okay so not a bad start. Needs more time to actually be worth investing into it, but as a proof of concept it's good.

I like this instant "rough approach" to things, but gotta wait and see how it gets written and if it goes overboard or just devolves it to a basic "theme" where every interaction would be the same if just basic words were replaced.

On a side note I think the dev is Hungarian? Some of the folders within have Hungarian names. It's not important I just always find it cool when I see a game made by a fellow countrymen. :p
 
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Lednacek

Member
May 26, 2017
216
169
Just started and i have an issue, it is all over the place. I like pictures, but they have to make sense. You cant just dump 6 pics. Also the women in pictures change and dont correspond to the story. When i meet a woman in a ahrdware shop she cant be standing in a bedroom on the picture. The style of the game also changes. Choose one and stick to it. Either its bubble or text.
 
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at16908

Newbie
Mar 21, 2017
42
39
Hey, having some trouble running this game - it loads, but when it's time to press "Accept" or "Accept(Skip Prologue)", nothing happens. I don't seem to have this trouble with any other twine-based game. Using Firefox - any ideas?
 

Gaboris

Member
Aug 10, 2017
405
230
Hey, having some trouble running this game - it loads, but when it's time to press "Accept" or "Accept(Skip Prologue)", nothing happens. I don't seem to have this trouble with any other twine-based game. Using Firefox - any ideas?
Yeah I THINK it's because those links are wrapped within <button> tags which as far as I can remember don't allow link within them.
I'm a web developer and I KNOW I should know this, but I've never even had the idea to do something like this so I'm clueless. :p
 

Varrilete

Member
Mar 20, 2019
313
654
Tried the demo and... it's a weird game, too fast paced and with little sense atm.

I will accept just the first part of the prologue for the sake of plot. But the second one... you get out of jail and someone was waiting for you so that you become almost like a slaver. Even more your mind was twisted while in prison to make you more evil and aggresive.

It's kind of like "really?", you are an ex cop and I know that you got into jail for a crime you didn't do, but that only serves to motivate payback, you would want to make their lives hell as payback. But suddenly because of random motive A you truly deserve to be in jail.

Now, here is the thing because of a kind of random event in jail you became a twisted degenerate and to show it we get a random girl in the street which would be aggresive towards us and we will steal from her, even if we don't rape her we will dream about it but I just find that too extreme of a change.

In fact I would believe more that they got a rapist into prison rather than a cop.

With that point we start fully into the bullshit part, someone waited for you to get out so that you can become a slaver that can do everything you want with the girls you capture. Even more the capture of the girl was pure bullshit.

I can understand that the game that you want to do is kind of in line with slave maker in the sense of slave management. But it kind of fails at this moment. And well I suppose the genres are more like "planned fetishes".
I dont know ur country, but in my country jail and prision do that to ppl. Prision is the university of crime if u go to prision only for having some dope u become more agressive more criminal and u get to know ppl that know ppl so yeah prision can do that to ppl.
 
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Wallaky77

Newbie
Game Developer
Jun 24, 2017
17
111
Hello guys, thank you very much for the first opinions. I worked on the problems, and rewrite a little in the story. Changed some pics with your helps.
Here are the links of the new version: , , ,

Thank you again for your comments, have a good time.
 

jessy89

Newbie
Mar 5, 2019
51
12
nice start!
i hope not sooooo many shemale scenes.
i am glad to see more from the game^^
best of luck and good inspiration;)
 
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1.80 star(s) 6 Votes