VN - Ren'Py - Abandoned - The Bodyguard [v1.00 - Ch.01-03] [Short Lemonade]

The characters could have been spent more deeper insights of their personas...
For Example the sex scene with the history teacher developed in my humble opinion to fast without any erotic friction between the both before! That could be more painted and developed, otherwise the story is promising...
Interesting Storyline can`t wait for the next chapters...

Its not bad at all, but it needs some serious work to be good...

The renders are very good. Their dark and gritty style suits the type of setting and story the dev is going for. There's not much of a story yet but whatever's there is interesting enough to make me wait for the next update.

The dialogue though is bad. Both the actual dialogue and the English need a lot of work. The dialogue and the language feel a little immature. I think that is the case because the dev maybe is not a native English speaker, and if so they'll benefit greatly from a writer/editor/proofreader.

The game has a lot of potential but needs a lot polishing too.

[Reviewed v1.00 - chp.01/03 (chapter 1)]

This VN feels like it was rushed out -- like it's an unpolished first draft. However, there is a real story here, which is the best part of what's here.

The images are dark and gritty, quite possibly intentionally, giving this an noir-ish feel. But sometime the visuals travel so far along this track that it's difficult to see what's being pictured. There's some animation provided in the one scene -- no choice on whether or how this happens -- where the protagonist has sex. Besides that scene, there's also some nudity and underwear/swimsuit images shown. There's music (borrowed?) that's fine and sound effects that are used well enough.

The story provides a scattering of choices to make. Some have an effect later on, such as whether to permit a friend to visit one of the kids, but there's no point system or other influence tracking, at least that I could see. The protagonist has been hired to protect a recent widow and her two daughters. Both kids attend a local Catholic university, so presumably they have ages around 18-22 years, but that detail isn't provided. However, at least one of the two looks (at least to me) to be clearly younger than that, and she's already choosing to be quite the tease with the protagonist.

I'm guessing the developer is a native French speaker, as there's quite a bit of French present in both the UI and the story text, such as "La Haye" instead of "The Hague". This also likely gave rise to some of the (at least to me) awkward phrasing present at times.

At the start, we're prompted for the protagonist's "surname" and "name", however I found that I needed to swap the two, as my choice for family name was used where his given name was expected, and the reverse. The protagonist's hacker friend is pictured and described as a "blob", but we're told that he's 6'5 and 220lbs, which is a normal healthy size for a man. Maybe if he was 5'10 or shorter, the description would better fit.

Anyway, I've rated this as 3 stars (average). It's not horrible but it doesn't (yet) have anything really to boast about. I'm looking forward to improvements in the subsequent chapters.