VN - Ren'Py - The Lost Time Chronicles [v0.1] [Tanoz Games]

VERSION: v0.1
SUMMARY: Good start
RATINGS: (out of 5):

NOTE: The following are my own criteria and may require more context, so keep an open mind.

1. Models: 4
2. Animations: X
3. General Visuals: 4
4. Characters: X
5. Story/Pacing: X
6. Writing/Dialogue: 1
7. UI & Gameplay: X
8. Content Quality: X
9. Sounds & Music: 0
10. H-Content & Fetish: X

Average: X of 50 possible points giving a X% rating i.e. X stars.

PROS:

1. Models look nice, LIs particularly
2. World is pretty detailed and well constructed.
3. Dialogue is not bad, considering English is not the devs strong suite.

CONS:

1. Some references are not correct regarding the MC name that reverts to "Tony"
2. Some texture meshes for body clipping through clothes.
3. MC does look a bit young for my taste.
4. Some dialogue is weird, like MC saying to step mom, "I gotta protect you from everything and everyone" that sounds like he has some major issues, is controlling and pretty much psychotic...makes you wonder where the MC got this warped perception, which is not healthy.
5. Poor driving of story, pacing and setting the game up for the player to become immersed. I point to the nun who goes all demon witch whatever and how the MC just says "What is this now" OMFG is that normal behaviour? Freak out, scream, run, give more scenes...why not start with someone watching him then gradually escalate to the nun revealing she is a demon or whatever? If the witch is the nuns counter part in another reality, the introduce that more subtlety and have the MC react as "normal" person would not "oh whats this now" wtf

FINAL REMARKS, OPINIONS & SUGGESTIONS:

• While I understand the dev is doing this project solo, these points listed are my own, use them, don't use them.
• Its like the scenes play back to front, like the nun/demon reveal...the nun turns back into a nun and then the MC screams? WTF
• The MC being in his room when his stepmom comes to get him, suggests the funeral is over and people are now at that house for the reception/wake. Yet the next scene the MC is at the funeral/cemetery? Makes no sense, do they live in the cemetery? No ofc not, so why not have the wake in the house like "normal" (there is that word again) *sarcasm
• NPC suggests MC needs a hug, he agrees, she leaves, no hug...lol WTF man, again your game doesn't flow in a logical way, it planning is rough and releasing like this is stupid, your first impression matter and this games dialogue an narration, story telling just isn't good.
• The whole funeral dialogue just felt off, to put it in perspective, the dialogue is happening but often what is said has no bearing on what the person said before, its like they just say thing randomly, some deep philological responses. Its like the dev took a whole list of what people say at a funeral and just through it in there to create a funeral scene...
• Tina scene in kichen with MC, telling MC that his dad would've (should be wouldnt) wanted him to keep going like this? How is the MC going? The funeral was the same day, people grieve. It also suggests the MC is in a bad head space, which is something you would say a good while after the funeral. Again, the dev just throwing random conversations into the mix that make no sense.
• The whole funeral scene is just too much and too much of the same is repeated, its not interesting, doesn't drive the story and is just filled with general back slapping, condolences and rhetoric that grows old after the 2 or 3 scene of someone telling the MC his dad was proud of him...(I honestly don't think the players care at this point, its been established his daddy loved him lots...) moving on...

TLDR:

An OK start, but man...writing and flow are not doing the dev favours here. While I respecting going at it alone and doing what you have so far, you (dev) have a lot of cleaning up to do.

I only played a few scenes and that got me to this review, it shows you how the dialogue and general flow of the game is totally screwed up. I came across at least one instance where dialogue is swapped around and the preceding scene should have come before. Things like that are just not a the hall marks of a carefully planned and scripted game IMO. If it looks like this now, imaging later? Dev, spend time structuring your story and dialogue to make sense, be logical.

If I can suggest anything, your story seems fine, the overall plot and idea, but the scenes, script and way you go about telling your story is just not good in its current form and will put off players who enjoy a more immersive experience.
On this point I would like to mention that VNs are all about the story IMO, if you want to watch porn, its much easier to just google it, so I think its fair to say people are here for a story and of course porn, but both, not one or the other. So tell the story right