Just gonna leave here a few corrections:
| In a one of his scavenge hunt to earn money he found an old house with a secret attic |
should be scavenge hunts. also ditch the "a" in "in a one" |
I Tested it on two drifters—erased their minds, and told them they are in boxing championship match | You added the "I" and left the capital T. The "—" is also typical chatgpt. Consider replacing this sort of lazy stuff. |
JAY: Her face on this license is a fucking masterpiece. Those eyes, that smile—they’re gonna be mine. | See above |
JAY: Her address was in the wallet. A fancy gated community. She’s loaded, but modest.
JAY: These houses scream money, but hers feels… lonely. Perfect for me to fill. | What is it? Does she live in a fancy community? Is her house modest while screaming "money"? |
| Her car’s is here | ditch the ('s) in this |
JAY: I'll just wait a few hours more, and I’m in your world, Emma. | rewrite this |
| her silver Honda parked like a beacon of Jay’s new dawn. | Shit, 98% of the text is AI generated and frankly, it's pretty bad. But so far, this one sentence takes the cake. A silver honda being compared to a beacon of hope, man... Rewrite this |
JAY: I’m home, Mommy. Your boy’s here.
JAY: Her place smells like her. God, I’m already hard.
JAY: These walls, this couch—it’s all hers. Like stepping into her skin. | This is some serial killer shit. I'm starting to feel seriously disturbed at this point |
I get using AI in some situations. Shit, I can't afford an artist myself. But you need to have certain standards. If the AI video looks bad, then don't include it. It does more harm than good.
The AI writing is just bad. It's pretentious, overdone and reeks of tryhard. You're better off writing your own shit in a more direct way, with fewer bells and whistles. Sometimes less is more.
As for the protagonist, sorry man, but he makes my skin crawl. On some games, the main character is this caricature, the dev's idea of an alpha male and with those I can even laugh, shake my head and keep playing. This Jay fellow tho... I wished Emma had blown his brains out.