VN - Ren'Py - Abandoned - The Truth Is Nothing but Lies [v.0.5 Part 3] [Albatrozz]

  1. 2.00 star(s)

    Jnx

    English: 3
    User Interface: 5
    User Experience: 5
    Art: 7
    Dialogue: 3
    Story: 3
    Opinion: 4
    ------------------------------
    Avg: 4.29

    The unfortunate truth is that the miserably bad translation forces the writing to make as much sense as the title of this VN. From the very start it tries to come across as philosophical and brooding but the bad translation makes it sound like an edgy sonic fan fiction by a pre-teen from 2003. At the current time of writing, MC barely made it out of his room and I already have a headache from reading the Engrish. My advice for all developers now and in the future, if you don't speak English, don't write in English. And to set up a patreon to get paid for terrible English does a disservice to both parties. Hire someone to edit and proofread then make translation files. The Hook WOULD BE that MC has amnesia, but MC has to comment on LITERALLY EVERYTHING HE SEES ALL THE TIME. He even explains similies and metaphors he uses. It's just a truly frustrating reading experience. And it's completely exacerbated by the constant Japanese "Baka" "Aho" etc. You don't have a complete grasp of English, now you're throwing in anime tropes?

    So far MC woke up from a coma and has amnesia. He was a professor and his sister took care of him while he was out. And with what the maid said, he's been in a coma for at least 10 years. (As she was 8 when adopted and she needs to be at least 18 to be a potential love interest.) What I don't get is MC is awake for one day with ABSOLUTELY NO memory, and just goes back to work as a professor? What's he gonna teach? Eye Spy 101? That's literally all he does. Or maybe AP Where's Waldo. All I'm saying is what can a person with no memory teach? Even IF he's teaching human culture he has no memory. And they hinted at some "being with ultimate power." Calling it now, it was MC before his memory loss. And these "students" have already been at this academy for who knows how long, but MC is teaching them how to share and not run at the pool as if they're 6 years old. Which now makes this all uncomfortable.

    The truth of it is, this takes heavily from another game about a teacher on this site. You get the poorly implemented RenPy menu that selects what girl you want to interact with for that time slot. "Shy" elf girl, boisterous dragon girl, assassin fox girl, smart spirit girl, death obsessed vampire, avoidant sister, and standoffish maid. And because the dialogue hinted at it, any number of other girls the dev wants to pad this game with. And you just repeat this overused, boring gameloop until, I'm assuming, the game tells you "You reach end of game" or whatever.

    If it's not obvious, this game suffers from terrible English. The dev said "Let me know if you find errors." But every other line has if not terrible grammar, then spelling mistakes and robotic feel. The UI is barely customized, but has some okay additions. The User Experience is "Click the location to visit the girl you want to see" and just repeat that over and over and over. The art is okay. Yeah, it's koikatsu, but I will say that it's not the usual "Colors so flat and blown out it hurts your eyes and has no depth." It's got shadows and form so I'm happy with it. I already said my pieces about the dialogue and story. So my opinion is not that great.

    If the dev can get someone to fix the poor English and maybe even how a lot of the story is presented, this could be alright. But as it sits now, I don't recommend anyone that is a native english speaker read this. Which is a shame because I do see that a lot of effort went into this, but a VISUAL NOVEL relies heavily on READING. Best of luck to the Dev though.
  2. 4.00 star(s)

    Firelolly

    v0.2p2
    The language barrier is what cost the last star otherwise a nice premise and some nice characters.
    There are already many options that make the story focus on what could actually happen in a normal day; "if I didn't take so long... well I don't have a magic ball or save-point, do I?" it think is a fresh view on otherwise stories that always aim to please everyone, where "missing an event" is like having lost a tournament.

    Dev has a lot to learn but is quite active on discord for suggestions and improvements.... definitely need a proofreader tho xD