VN Ren'Py Twin Eclipse [v0.4] [93 Branches]

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Discussion Reviews (2)
FatGiant

FatGiant

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Jan 7, 2022
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Let's say this... there's NOTHING in the OP that creates any interest in the story. If this was a book blurb in a book on discount at the bookstore, I wouldn't pick it.

I'm sorry, I have been burned enough times in this site with "hidden" stories that turned out to be awful, or simply too basic. This one promises "something" but is too vague, too "hidden", too mysterious. The tags, or should I say, the tags that aren't there, don't help. The ones that are, help even less.

Don't get me wrong, this could be the next love of my life, but I wouldn't know, because it's under so many layers of vagueness that I can't feel anything towards it. If it is a passion project, maybe let some of that passion shine through? All I get is vague references of "something" happening...

Peace :(
 
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Arisushi

Arisushi

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Jul 9, 2020
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FatGiant said:
Let's say this... there's NOTHING in the OP that creates any interest in the story. If this was a book blurb in a book on discount at the bookstore, I wouldn't pick it.

I'm sorry, I have been burned enough times in this site with "hidden" stories that turned out to be awful, or simply too basic. This one promises "something" but is too vague, too "hidden", too mysterious. The tags, or should I say, the tags that aren't there, don't help. The ones that are, help even less.

Don't get me wrong, this could be the next love of my life, but I wouldn't know, because it's under so many layers of vagueness that I can't feel anything towards it. If it is a passion project, maybe let some of that passion shine through? All I get is vague references of "something" happening...

Peace :(
Click to expand...
Thanks for the feedback.

Yeah, I understand I shot myself in the foot with that description.

I really wanted the players to experience the same shock/surprise one of the lead character feels during the first big reveal of the story. So, I purposely left the op vague.

I'll see if I can think of a way I can make the description without compromising on that experience.
 
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Arisushi

Arisushi

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For those who don't know, since it's been decided that I'll be taking over the drawing duties for Twin Eclipse, I've started this short Comic project as way to both improve my drawing skills and simultaneously continue the story of the two sisters.

"Kiss and Forget" is set during Chandra's early years as a professional seer and tells a story about an interesting client experience she had back then.

Also, as a part of special promotions, I'll be releasing some extra NSFW sketches, exclusively here in this thread!!

I hope you like both the comic and the sketches :) Looking forward to hear your feedback.

1000013032.jpg
 
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Tlaero

Tlaero

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Nov 24, 2018
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The 4th image does a great job of relaying Chandra's emotions and is a good contrast to the confidence she feels in the second image. Keep it up!

Tlaero
 
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Arisushi

Arisushi

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Here's the 2nd page of Chandra's Diary. I hope you like it.

1000013033.jpg
 
Tlaero

Tlaero

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I'm not sure if it was intentional, but I really like that you subverted my expectations between page 1 and 2. In the fourth image in page 1, I interpreted Chandra's expression as saying, "That's not how my magic works." But then it turned out that she immediately knew, and was sad because it was a sad reason. Well done!

Tlaero
 
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Arisushi

Arisushi

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Tlaero said:
I'm not sure if it was intentional, but I really like that you subverted my expectations between page 1 and 2. In the fourth image in page 1, I interpreted Chandra's expression as saying, "That's not how my magic works." But then it turned out that she immediately knew, and was sad because it was a sad reason. Well done!

Tlaero
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I'm glad you liked that she knew the answer instantly.

The subversion was probably unintentional though.

---

I was trying to go for a more "mildly annoyed" or "disinterested" feel with her expression, rather than a sad one. (Clearly, I need to improve my drawing skills much more :LOL: Sorry about that.)

Kinda like -- "I'm telling you I can answer/give ANYTHING you want.. and you ask about a useless necklace?"

And then, she goes on to casually break the woman's belief of living a perfectly happy life.

(If it was Surya in her place, she'd have been a lot more sympathetic about the woman's wants, but...)

The whole sequence is just to show Chandra operates on a bit of a weird scale when it comes to people.

Hopefully, I'll be able to do a better job with the upcoming pages communicating the core of this chapter.

---

Thanks for sharing your feedback :) It helps a lot. I really appreciate it.
 
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Arisushi

Arisushi

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Here are the next two pages from Chandra's Diary.

1000013034.jpg 1000013057.jpg
 
Arisushi

Arisushi

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Tlaero said:
I like the technique you used to "defocus" the background.

Tlaero
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Thank you. Happy to hear appreciation for the effect :)

(Was worried it would be considered only as laziness, when it was equally an intentional stylization.)
 
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Arisushi

Arisushi

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Tlaero said:
That's really sweet. Nice work showing us so much about Chandra's character in so little narrative space!

Tlaero
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I'm happy you liked it :)

(And thank you very much for taking the time to share your feedback on the pages till the end. Means a lot.)
 
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5.00 star(s) 2 Votes