- Thread starter Deleted member 2577953
- Start date
- Jan 7, 2022
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Let's say this... there's NOTHING in the OP that creates any interest in the story. If this was a book blurb in a book on discount at the bookstore, I wouldn't pick it.
I'm sorry, I have been burned enough times in this site with "hidden" stories that turned out to be awful, or simply too basic. This one promises "something" but is too vague, too "hidden", too mysterious. The tags, or should I say, the tags that aren't there, don't help. The ones that are, help even less.
Don't get me wrong, this could be the next love of my life, but I wouldn't know, because it's under so many layers of vagueness that I can't feel anything towards it. If it is a passion project, maybe let some of that passion shine through? All I get is vague references of "something" happening...
Peace
I'm sorry, I have been burned enough times in this site with "hidden" stories that turned out to be awful, or simply too basic. This one promises "something" but is too vague, too "hidden", too mysterious. The tags, or should I say, the tags that aren't there, don't help. The ones that are, help even less.
Don't get me wrong, this could be the next love of my life, but I wouldn't know, because it's under so many layers of vagueness that I can't feel anything towards it. If it is a passion project, maybe let some of that passion shine through? All I get is vague references of "something" happening...
Peace
Thanks for the feedback.Let's say this... there's NOTHING in the OP that creates any interest in the story. If this was a book blurb in a book on discount at the bookstore, I wouldn't pick it.
I'm sorry, I have been burned enough times in this site with "hidden" stories that turned out to be awful, or simply too basic. This one promises "something" but is too vague, too "hidden", too mysterious. The tags, or should I say, the tags that aren't there, don't help. The ones that are, help even less.
Don't get me wrong, this could be the next love of my life, but I wouldn't know, because it's under so many layers of vagueness that I can't feel anything towards it. If it is a passion project, maybe let some of that passion shine through? All I get is vague references of "something" happening...
Peace
Yeah, I understand I shot myself in the foot with that description.
I really wanted the players to experience the same shock/surprise one of the lead character feels during the first big reveal of the story. So, I purposely left the op vague.
I'll see if I can think of a way I can make the description without compromising on that experience.
You must be registered to see the links
For those who don't know, since it's been decided that I'll be taking over the drawing duties for Twin Eclipse, I've started this short Comic project as way to both improve my drawing skills and simultaneously continue the story of the two sisters.
"Kiss and Forget" is set during Chandra's early years as a professional seer and tells a story about an interesting client experience she had back then.
Also, as a part of special promotions, I'll be releasing some extra sketches.
I hope you like both the comic and the sketches
Looking forward to hear your feedback.
Last edited:
- Nov 24, 2018
- 1,068
- 5,250
The 4th image does a great job of relaying Chandra's emotions and is a good contrast to the confidence she feels in the second image. Keep it up!
Tlaero
Tlaero
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Here's the 2nd page of Chandra's Diary. I hope you like it.
- Nov 24, 2018
- 1,068
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I'm not sure if it was intentional, but I really like that you subverted my expectations between page 1 and 2. In the fourth image in page 1, I interpreted Chandra's expression as saying, "That's not how my magic works." But then it turned out that she immediately knew, and was sad because it was a sad reason. Well done!
Tlaero
Tlaero
I'm glad you liked that she knew the answer instantly.
The subversion was probably unintentional though.
---
I was trying to go for a more "mildly annoyed" or "disinterested" feel with her expression, rather than a sad one. (Clearly, I need to improve my drawing skills much more
Sorry about that.)Kinda like -- "I'm telling you I can answer/give ANYTHING you want.. and you ask about a useless necklace?"
And then, she goes on to casually break the woman's belief of living a perfectly happy life.
(If it was Surya in her place, she'd have been a lot more sympathetic about the woman's wants, but...)
The whole sequence is just to show Chandra operates on a bit of a weird scale when it comes to people.
Hopefully, I'll be able to do a better job with the upcoming pages communicating the core of this chapter.
---
Thanks for sharing your feedback
It helps a lot. I really appreciate it.
- Nov 24, 2018
- 1,068
- 5,250
Oooh. Chandra the all-knowing has a blindspot! (-:
I continue to enjoy the facial expressions.
Tlaero
I continue to enjoy the facial expressions.
Tlaero
- Nov 24, 2018
- 1,068
- 5,250
I like the technique you used to "defocus" the background.
Tlaero
Tlaero
Thank you. Happy to hear appreciation for the effect
(Was worried it would be considered only as laziness, when it was equally an intentional stylization.)
Chandra's Diary - Pg 6,7,8
Here are the final three pages of the comic. I hope you liked reading this side-story.
Here are the final three pages of the comic. I hope you liked reading this side-story.
- Nov 24, 2018
- 1,068
- 5,250
That's really sweet. Nice work showing us so much about Chandra's character in so little narrative space!
Tlaero
Tlaero
I'm happy you liked it
(And thank you very much for taking the time to share your feedback on the pages till the end. Means a lot.)
There's not enough content in it to change the on-hold status, or update the thread, but...
If anyone's interested, a new (2 minutes long) scene has been added to complete Act 6.
You can download it for free
If anyone's interested, a new (2 minutes long) scene has been added to complete Act 6.
You can download it for free
You must be registered to see the links
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- May 16, 2024
- 53
- 32
I haven't played the game yet but this is the first porno game with an Indian setting which I've seen. Good luck to the developer.