I think it's worth noting that this VN was created under time constraints for the Preggo Game Jam #3. I didn't realize such a thing exists until I read about it in the spoiler in the overview here. Three weeks were allowed for development with no AI, so in that light, I think this is a really good showing. And reviews should take this into account. Reviewers acting personally offended like they're being swindled into playing a submission to an itch contest, here on a piracy site is laughable.
As a proof of concept, I think it's good. It demonstrates what the game would be about and showcases one of Expanding Universe's greatest strengths: dialogue, particularly cool-chick dialogue. Most writers of VNs you'll find here demonstrate that they can't begin to fathom how real girls talk. They write them boring and dry, or unrealistically aggressive, or nerdy AF, all of them relying on unfunny ball-busting jokes about the MC for their laughs, and most miss the mark. Expanding Universe, though, consistently delivers witty, snarky, believable dialogue for female characters. The storytelling has a nice pace to it. We hear and see a little of the encounters in this version, and if I were a betting man, I bet more and more elaborate details come out down the line. For now though, it wouldn't make sense to immediately hear about the texture of every fold in a random hookup's hoo-ha during a conversation with a coworker, no matter how cool she is. In AVNs it's an uncommon technique to use an extended expository dialogue between two characters, probably because it only works when you've got a good writer doing it, as is the case here. I enjoy the mystery angle. I hope to see more of it, extracting the facts from the stories to deduce who got preg'd. And I suspect I'll enjoy the MC coming to terms with his discovery that he does have a breeding kink.
The artwork is quite good, not exactly breath taking or tittilating, but it did the job. In a full game with less or no time constraints, I'd expect the art to be even more polished and plentiful. The girls look good, but Kate (the character whom MC is regaling with his sexual exploits), looks a bit... lumpy? Her ass doesn't look right. It has spectacular projection in the upper pole, then pancakes until it gets to where it should end, and then it does. It just cuts back in and doesn't transition into her thigh smoothly, like bad glute implants. Similarly, her tits look like bolt-ons that never settled into the pocket properly. It's a bit mean to say, but she needs to go back to the surgeon and get a few good revisions. Tiffany is good, but could do with a splashier outfit. I don't think a girl with that hair color would wear a sweater that color. It's too bleh. Brianna and Hannah are cute, plenty to like about them. The banner has more girls on it than I ran into, but they might have been cut for the development deadline of the contest.
I don't think Twine is a better platform than Renpy for this (or really any) VN, but I assume it's easier/faster to code than Renpy, and was chosen for that reason. A full game would do better with the features Renpy offers. The game is pretty kinetic at this point. The few choices that appeared didn't seem to do much. There was one choice to make a move on a girl or not, that did affect if they hooked up. Other than that, I didn't see much difference resulting from the few choices available.
Anyway, to translate all that into a score: The writing is good. It would need to be restructured a bit, and transition away from the expository dialogue after the prologue/intro chapter. To keep going this way would be limiting and fatiguing to readers, I think. So 4 out of 5
Art is good, but the ratio of text to renders is too high and some of the detail work needs revisiting. Models are generally good, but the one we see the most of looks like the mom at my kids' middle-school whose implants are obvious and unappealing. So 3.5 out of 5
Gameplay needs to be looked at. Choices mostly don't matter, and since at this point it's a story of picking up girls, I'd like the MC have to work a bit harder to seal the deal with some of them. More chances to fuck it up... ya know, like real life. So 3 out of 5.
Twine is a mediocre engine for AVNs. Having to scroll down to click a small continue button instead of clicking anywhere is an irritating distraction from the story/game. Lack of full screen mode makes it harder to appreciate the artwork. I also like sound with my games. So 3 out of 5
Putting that all together: 3.375 out of 5
I think most of the criticisms I have are probably already known to the devs. Working under limited time for a contest submission deadline probably forced corners to be cut that would haven't slipped through under different circumstances. If I knew nothing of Expanding Universe's other work, if this were a first time dev, I wouldn't do this, but I think giving three-quarters of a point for executing something I rather enjoyed reading in just three weeks is fair. So we're at 4.125 out of 5.
I'd love to see this proof of concept worked on further.
As a proof of concept, I think it's good. It demonstrates what the game would be about and showcases one of Expanding Universe's greatest strengths: dialogue, particularly cool-chick dialogue. Most writers of VNs you'll find here demonstrate that they can't begin to fathom how real girls talk. They write them boring and dry, or unrealistically aggressive, or nerdy AF, all of them relying on unfunny ball-busting jokes about the MC for their laughs, and most miss the mark. Expanding Universe, though, consistently delivers witty, snarky, believable dialogue for female characters. The storytelling has a nice pace to it. We hear and see a little of the encounters in this version, and if I were a betting man, I bet more and more elaborate details come out down the line. For now though, it wouldn't make sense to immediately hear about the texture of every fold in a random hookup's hoo-ha during a conversation with a coworker, no matter how cool she is. In AVNs it's an uncommon technique to use an extended expository dialogue between two characters, probably because it only works when you've got a good writer doing it, as is the case here. I enjoy the mystery angle. I hope to see more of it, extracting the facts from the stories to deduce who got preg'd. And I suspect I'll enjoy the MC coming to terms with his discovery that he does have a breeding kink.
The artwork is quite good, not exactly breath taking or tittilating, but it did the job. In a full game with less or no time constraints, I'd expect the art to be even more polished and plentiful. The girls look good, but Kate (the character whom MC is regaling with his sexual exploits), looks a bit... lumpy? Her ass doesn't look right. It has spectacular projection in the upper pole, then pancakes until it gets to where it should end, and then it does. It just cuts back in and doesn't transition into her thigh smoothly, like bad glute implants. Similarly, her tits look like bolt-ons that never settled into the pocket properly. It's a bit mean to say, but she needs to go back to the surgeon and get a few good revisions. Tiffany is good, but could do with a splashier outfit. I don't think a girl with that hair color would wear a sweater that color. It's too bleh. Brianna and Hannah are cute, plenty to like about them. The banner has more girls on it than I ran into, but they might have been cut for the development deadline of the contest.
I don't think Twine is a better platform than Renpy for this (or really any) VN, but I assume it's easier/faster to code than Renpy, and was chosen for that reason. A full game would do better with the features Renpy offers. The game is pretty kinetic at this point. The few choices that appeared didn't seem to do much. There was one choice to make a move on a girl or not, that did affect if they hooked up. Other than that, I didn't see much difference resulting from the few choices available.
Anyway, to translate all that into a score: The writing is good. It would need to be restructured a bit, and transition away from the expository dialogue after the prologue/intro chapter. To keep going this way would be limiting and fatiguing to readers, I think. So 4 out of 5
Art is good, but the ratio of text to renders is too high and some of the detail work needs revisiting. Models are generally good, but the one we see the most of looks like the mom at my kids' middle-school whose implants are obvious and unappealing. So 3.5 out of 5
Gameplay needs to be looked at. Choices mostly don't matter, and since at this point it's a story of picking up girls, I'd like the MC have to work a bit harder to seal the deal with some of them. More chances to fuck it up... ya know, like real life. So 3 out of 5.
Twine is a mediocre engine for AVNs. Having to scroll down to click a small continue button instead of clicking anywhere is an irritating distraction from the story/game. Lack of full screen mode makes it harder to appreciate the artwork. I also like sound with my games. So 3 out of 5
Putting that all together: 3.375 out of 5
I think most of the criticisms I have are probably already known to the devs. Working under limited time for a contest submission deadline probably forced corners to be cut that would haven't slipped through under different circumstances. If I knew nothing of Expanding Universe's other work, if this were a first time dev, I wouldn't do this, but I think giving three-quarters of a point for executing something I rather enjoyed reading in just three weeks is fair. So we're at 4.125 out of 5.
I'd love to see this proof of concept worked on further.
