Major props deserved for coming up with an idea and seeing it through, start to finish. It's so rare people make a project simply because they want to make it, and you did just that. No patreon links, no milking the community for 2 new scenes every 3 months, nothing sketchy at all. You had an idea and you made it happen. Major thanks, NebulaX!
The female model used in this short story is stunning. Would love to see more of her. The dad's model didn't do anything for me, and I could take it or leave it, but he's not really the focus here, anyways.
The angles and poses are all really well done, and shit, he's even got animations in there! Amazing! Really great work, and for a first VN, phenomenal.
For me personally, Lauren was a bit too descriptive of her body, while being a little (ok, quite a bit) too heavy on the "porno dialogue" in the things she said to her dad. Maybe with a little more build up, showing how she got to the point where she's this extremely ready to take this giant leap with her father would have helped make it feel not as...how do I say this? *thinks for a moment*
Ok, how about this. Right now as it stands, the dialogue in the sex scene reads as what a typical guy who's into the idea of a father/daughter incest porno would want to hear, and not as much what a real life girl would actually say, should she be in that situation. Does that make sense?
For example, Lauren mentioned she watched "some videos" prior to coming on to her father where she learned some of what she was doing and saying with him. Maybe while she's still on the subway in the beginning of the story, you can sneak in a flashback from months before showing her watching these videos and taking notes, memorizing the things she thinks a guy (her dad in this case) would want to hear from a woman, which would add a ton more depth to her character and give reason to Lauren's brazen actions. Show a scene in there of Lauren noticing her dad sneaking a peek at her while she's cooking dinner, or a scene with her leaving the shower door open to entice her dad to have a look. Show the reader a bit of the buildup so we feel invested and understand Lauren a bit better. A few little things would go a really long way in adding to the tension and reasoning behind Lauren's actions before you get to the finale.
If you're going to have a daughter say to her dad something like "I want you to shove your big fat dick in my little virgin flower, daddy", there should be a bit of preface showing where and why an 18 year old girl about to fuck her dad would say that at all. The dialogue leading up to Lauren getting into sexual stuff was actually pretty well written and felt sincere. But then it got really "bow-chicka-bow-wow" real fast.
Other than that, for a quick romp, and a first release, this was well done! Again, big TY for actually releasing a finished project. We can only hope you make more as devs like you are essentially the very few stitches that actually hold this place together.
As it stands, this is an easy 4/5, and worth grabbing if you've got a 1/2 hour to burn. With a bit more character build-up, line tightening, and extra scenes peppered in, this could become a 5/5 short story. I hope you consider a 1.1 with a few revisions sometime down the road.
Edit: The author actually took my above review into consideration and actually added some fresh "backstory" scenes to the prologue of the VN. It adds a lot! I still think it could be pushed further and really be fleshed out, and the finale is still a bit much for my personal taste with the current amout of build up. But it's so much better than the 1.0 release.
Major props!
