I don't normally write reviews, but I really liked this novel and I hope it will be a huge success; and I want it to be better, so this is coming from the place of loving the product. I hope the dev reads it, if not at least I tried lol
- Sometimes it feels to me like the author blurs the line between what a character is thinking and what a reader is (probably) thinking; the biggest example is MC's dialogue with the basketball team coach in ch 3. Yes, I as a reader did say "wtf happened to you sir"; however, the character saying the same thing out loud reads wrong and extremely rude at the moment (and somehow passes unnoticed). The comedy has already been established by showing us the young vs old coach repeatedly, and re-emphasizing the same joke again only cheapens it. Same with Zoe in the same chapter, just a a little earlier. Showing her being all lost in thoughts is fun; having her scream GYATT out of nowhere breaks the 4th wall and, again, cheapens the moment
- Some dialogues and scenes are brilliant - I'd say most of them are. That makes the bad ones stand out even more - like the Desiree's friends attacking MC back in ch 1 or 2. Dev knows how to write comedy, but that scene felt forced and dare I even say cringe
- I've seen the dev has proofreaders, but I counted around 10 mistakes already, from little typos to grammar mistakes
- No one puts a dot in the end of a message in any messenger, let alone Instagram lol
Again, this is my second favorite novel, like, ever. I love the plot, I love the girls, especially Zoe and Desiree, and I can't wait to see how the team will grow and what next chapters bring. If, by any chance, what I wrote about above will be fixed, this will undoubtedly remain my top-2 novels; if not, guess a girl is allowed to have an opinion lol
