Would anyone be interested in reading the script for my new game? (~2000 words)

[Bawdy Ink Slinger]

Hello! I'm making a new game in Unity that's going to be similar to Cook, Serve, Delicious, but it's also going to have a storyline with characters. This game will involve human women transforming into monster girls (full furry is not planned ATM).

I've attempted to make a humorous storyline that doesn't take itself seriously, but I worry that comedy (at least my style) plus lewdness may not mix. I'm about to commission the artwork for these scenes, and that could cost me 100s of dollars, so before I commit to that, I'm wondering if these scenes "work." If not, it'd be really cheap to rewrite now compared to paying for all the artwork and throwing it away later.

If you'd like to give me feedback on my scenes, here's a link to a google doc:

You must be registered to see the links

For your convenience, you can edit and leave comments there.

 

[Vamori]

Iam really enjoy the idea of the game, there small number of non-hentai games with girls-animals, that going to be interesting. Btw dialogs looks nice for me.

 

[Bawdy Ink Slinger]

Iam really enjoy the idea of the game, there small number of non-hentai games with girls-animals, that going to be interesting. Btw dialogs looks nice for me.

Thank you! Did you find any of it to be humorous? I'm still trying to decide if I should just remove all the jokes and get straight to the point.

 

[Vamori]

Thank you! Did you find any of it to be humorous? I'm still trying to decide if I should just remove all the jokes and get straight to the point.

Eva: No way. He loved that farm more than his own son, and before he died, I said to him- Why is your dick out? - This one made me chuckle. Others are not bad either and i didn't find them disturbing or something, they'r making atmosphere more friendly. Just don't put them everywhere, that would be too much, you are not writing stand-up monologue right?

 

[Bawdy Ink Slinger]

Eva: No way. He loved that farm more than his own son, and before he died, I said to him- Why is your dick out? - This one made me chuckle. Others are not bad either and i didn't find them disturbing or something, they'r making atmosphere more friendly. Just don't put them everywhere, that would be too much, you are not writing stand-up monologue right?

I wouldn't necessarily say that's a bad thing Do you feel like there's too much jokes right now, or it's ok?

 

[Vamori]

I wouldn't necessarily say that's a bad thing Do you feel like there's too much jokes right now, or it's ok?

Looks fine for me.

 

[Bawdy Ink Slinger]

Looks fine for me.

Great, thanks again!

 

[Vamori]

Great, thanks again!

No problem! Good luck with your game!

 

[Deleted member 323963]

I will look into it! I wonder what it is about!

 

[Deleted member 323963]

Script looks okay, I think it could be a fun game when the art is good too!