VN - Ren'Py - Your Harem Will Be Mine [v0.1] [Kazuki-chan]

I like what's going on here, but the title doesn't fit what's happening.

The title should be closer to "Losing Norman's Harem" instead of "Your Harem will be mine" which would imply you're playing an antagonist character there to cucked the MC, Norman.

Really, you're just some entity witnessing Norman get cucked, and slightly influencing him to either get more cucked or getting him some scraps.

I think the writing is engaging enough to read but it might benefit from focusing on how your choices makes thing worse for Norman. Like if we had to really make him lose his harem to the "ugly bastard" archetypes you see hinted at.

The setup is there, where you got impossible charming handsome MC, and your goal is to fuck him over as some random entity.

I do like the characters though. They all fit an archetype that will satisfy a decent amount of people. I personally really like the look of the therapist character. 10/10

REVIEW (v0.1)

The game tries to combine elements of an NTR storyline with a harem protagonist, and the result is not compelling nor satisfying.

First, the name of the game is misleading. It sounds like the MC already has a harem and someone else is coming in to "take it over", but instead the premise is that you're a harem protagonist that is fated to not get the girls. As such, the dev appears to be trying to subvert the typical tropes of the harem genre. This is an interesting premise!

While there is a lot of leeway in how this subversion can be done, I think the game shoots itself in the foot with many of the narrative choices it makes from the get-go:
> You don't get to name the MC (Norman), and the game even makes a point to say 'this is HIS story, not ours'. The point of a harem MC is that they are a self-insert to create a power fantasy, so deliberately making the choice to NOT follow this (and thus subvert the dynamic into a kind of "reverse" power fantasy) is strange. Even stranger is that you still make dialogue choices for the MC, which creates further dissonance between the MC being a self-insert and their own character. I think the game should commit to one.
> The MC is conventionally attractive (FREAKISHLY tall, fit, described as handsome, big dick?, etc.), which is typical of a harem protagonist. The problem with this is that it limits the reasons as to why a character would choose to be with someone else, and thus makes potential NTR where the girl chooses to be with another man over the MC less believable.
> Many of the characters are already falling head over heels for the MC (e.g. sister and childhood friend), which means EITHER the MC is going to have to fumble the bag so hard that they are no longer putty in his hands, which only serves to make the MC less likable/believable; OR are going to be involved in some kind of ultra-contrived NTR scenario that lacks much emotional weight (blackmail, being tricked, etc), which likewise weakens the characterization of the involved LIs.
Each of these elements combine to give me the impression that neither the NTR nor harem elements will be delivered particularly well (the dev even outright stated there will be no harem elements), so I don't have high hopes for the narrative of future updates.

The writing quality is also generally poor; as many have already pointed out much of the game (and ESPECIALLY the opening) is incredibly verbose. I think the entire script for each scene could be slashed in half and the game would be better for it.

The game does some things well, of course:
> The models are obviously very attractive.
> The renders are of okay quality and composition; shading could use some work, but the "focus" in most of the CGs is apparent.
> The game has some decent music and SFX during sex scenes.

I would give the game three stars simply for the renders and existing scenes, but due to the overly lengthy dialogue I'm reducing it to two, since it feels like a waste of time for said renders.

Right out of the gate the game is extremely repetitive and clumsily narrated with excessive and pointless exclamations. The character will tell you the same basic information for many times longer than necessary, all while being incredibly unlikeable and neurotic.
The introduction needs a serious rewrite.

Animations and renders look fine. Look at the pictures, you decide for yourself how you feel. (there are some badly posed shots and composition is average, but you can see the model quality is fine)

The plot is flimsy, characters often don't have believability, pacing is atrocious. There are some bones to this that could be worked with, several concepts have traction, but v0.1 fumbles it all for now.
I recommend against trying it until what it has so far gets heavily rewritten. None of the ideas are bad, it's just the execution of it.
I would say key things to do are to tighten up the exposition at the start and make the main character more likable. It doesn't feel like NTR if it doesn't feel like anyone should have wanted him to begin with.

v0.1 Review

I downloaded this expecting a revenge game and was very disappointed.

You play Norman who is 8-feet-tall and it makes every scene look like the part in Alice in Wonderland after she eats the cake.

Norman is very sad that his wife cheated on him so he's moved back home. He's also in college despite being 30 and you might think "oh, he never finished and now he's starting over" or "he's an undercover journalist" but the youngest person at the school is 27 so maybe it's a special school or something.

Norman has decided to get back at his wife by having lots of sex and proceeds to do this by... not having any sex. This game is extremely sex negative for an AVN about having revenge sex. For example, one of your "targets" is your childhood friend who has always had a crush on you. Instead of asking her out you spend all your time together telling her that you can't be together because you're still married and "what will people say?" Also, half the teachers at your adult daycare school are former porn stars or erotic novelists for some reason and every conversation involves Norman acting as though they're aliens and being surprised that they're so much like us.

It's a visual novel so gameplay is pretty straightforward: occasionally you'll be talking to a woman and be given the option to reply to something she's saying. Giving a normal person response like "Oh, I see, that must have been difficult for you" gets you a Luck (Netori) point while belittling them gives you an NTR (netorase) point.

There's also some mommy and daddy issues and a whole thing with one of your sisters being an adult model and the other one being sent to a convent because you were grooming her. It's a lot.

I could see a thoughtful VN about Yao Ming struggling to get back into the dating game after a bad breakup. Or a revenge porn game where Giant Gonzales corrupts his ex's friends and family. Perhaps a sexy school game featuring Manute Bol? Or a family incest game about Andre the giant. This game is what you get if you put all of those in a blender and hit puree. The result doesn't taste good.

Really good game, incredible art, enjoyable gameplay, and great characters!
Perfectly matches the type of gameplay I'm looking for in a renpy game.
The dialogue is good and understandable but a bit repetitive. The mechanics are good. No bugs were found.
Hope the following updates will still be as good as this content.
The only negative point would be the 1-star review. It doesn't make sense. The body proportions are not odd.

It's not a 5stars yet (its the realease) , just a good start and i want encourage the creator.
So it's good start, you have a good story for a porn game, a story for justify porn scene.
Some choice,if you want skip scene, the models are good.
No reason to not give a chance, a lot of potentiel.

I was pleasant surprised with this game.
Even been the first released the plot got me trapped. Usually NTR based games are only based on the NTR itself, humiliating, cuckold and how MC passively suffer. They don't have any interesting topic behind nor a real story.
This game managed to put the MC story in first place keeping a close look on MC family, fiends, college and work without loosing the story progress.
Maybe some of you claims about the image art, in fact I don't care if it's the highest quality, sometimes i don't even notice any difference, but i can say that the females are pretty hot and sex scenes are pretty hot as well.
With that said, i found and original kind of game and with a simple first release the got me really into the plot a wanting for more.
I hope as the game progress keep me surprising me.

First i want to start with downsides. Text repeats itself, like a lot. It is almost like in a enforcing a propaganda manner. I get it, dev is trying to improve the relationships between characters yet this is not the right way to do so. Other downside is the game is a bit buggy but nothing gamebreaking.

Now you might be wondering why i rated it 5 star despite few obvious flaws. Because game does what it wants to accomplish. There is a guy who will get NTRed by the harem he is trying to build. Story is simple yet direct, girls are hot and they look unique, scenes are really good. Also it has choices, i don't they will change the entire direction of the game but still they effect few things.

If you are expecting a complicated novel type of game which insane mechanics then this game isn't for you. If you are looking for hot ntr scenes then this game serves it really well.

Compliments:

• The game has a clear idea. The story of a man trying to form his harem is easy to follow.
• There is a lot of art and many animations that show the work put into it.
• The point system is simple. You earn Luck Points and NTR Points, which unlock different scenes.

Criticisms:

• The game has bugs that affect play.
• The text repeats itself and uses too many exclamations.
• The story is very simple and does not give many choices.

Ratings:

• Creativity: 6/10
• Playability: 4/10
• Fun: 5/10