An Idea that I really want to finsh and I really want to know if people LIKE THE IDEA.

[MaxTheWriter20]

Still working on it just want you to know but I have come to a conclusion that I am not good at summarizing and I am stuck on chapter 6, so I will some day release this and I will just not now.

 

[CaptainBipto]

Well, it took me a while to recover from being smashed in the face with that block of text, but I managed to unravel it enough to make some guesses.

Here are my, personal, thoughts, for whatever they are worth.

Your story seems to revolve around some type of time travel or manipulation of events surrounding the MC's past, that cause events to 'warp' around him, as if the MC had actually done certain things, but that the MC is somehow unaware of what has happened.
There seems to be some diety/entity that exists in multiple frames of time/existence that is altering events around the MC while creating some buffer/null zone around the MC to prevent them from being aware of/affected by these changed events.

It is hard to tell what is going on, due to the fact that your description jumps and skips around to, seemingly, disjointed events. First the MC is at work talking to some bombshell chick about how he is her boss and then we are in some type of car crash, with someone who suddenly becomes our best friend, which flips itself into some kind of gun fight. All of this was going on while cats were meowing and a ghost was whispering things in the background.

If what you described is how the story goes, it would be a fairly jarring and disjointed story and, for myself, it would be rather hard to get into the story if it jumps all over the place. However, if what you are describing are just snippets of your story and you have omitted some 'boring filler' story that connects the events, that's fine, but it is hard to tell how good the story would be with just a few random snippets of story.

I remember playing a demo (can't remember the name) where the MC was being helped by some entity, by sending them back in time to change events with his mother/grand mother, then coming back to the present and seeing the changes without being fully aware of what happened (due to his interactions in the past) and it sounds like that game has some similar elements to what you are describing.
That could be kind of interesting, but there would need to be a lot more 'filler' material between, major, time events to provide continuity to the players OR some type of voice over narration to keep the players appraised of the real situation.

 

[おい！]

So I have been writing(just DOODLING) and thinking, and deleting, and even more thinking about a story that I else partially wrote in chapters. So far I have gotten about 3 of 12 chapters done but not proof read and not even written as a matter fact. And before I continue yes I know this is long and yes I know this is a porn, game/ comic site I wouldn't be posting this if I didn't think the story would have some light to it. I would love to finish it but recently I have had zero motivation. I really want to know what people think please rate by sectiosn like story(the story as a whole.), originality, and idea(is the idea good the idea, scifi or what ever/genre). with very little dialogue or very few quotes Basically it's about a guy who wakes up one morning well was it really one morning because time is different The MC(Max) relationship with time is different well not different but just go with you'll find out. He wakes up one day and notices that he didn't have a nightmare from last night, usually he has a nightmare every time night. Then something spoke to him(though he doesn't hear those words he does later when he drive he brother home. then The MC(Max) Gets a call from his brother. His brother asks if he can pick him up after work. The MC drives to his work and he recognized a someone a pretty brunette, blue eyes, cute but mature and sexy everything froze (The MC didn't notice as he began to have a headache.) The MC feels pressure in his head and feels a connection between someone in the room he hears the name "Emma" Time unfroze and the woman walked up to me she told me that the boss said I was her boss that I would teach her the ropes around the job, skipping forward The MC walks out and drives to pick up his brother as time passes everything becomes hazy and as I picked up my brother The MC heard a meow every 2 minute and becoming very increasingly more frequent and then something spoke (Max)What... why... noo... wait who are you what are you doing (Unknown) You already know Max all you your life you've known. Then The MC reaches a few lights, his lights were green and as he drove The MC noticed that two cars weren't going to stop at their lights and they crashed into them The MC'S brothers seat unbuckled and flew out of the truck. He heard a few voices some gunshots and some other sounds he looks out and sees the guys are dead. The MC runs to his brother and squats down looking at him
"What... Why.. noo... wait who are you what are you doing?" Max said.
"You already know Max all your life you've known." The Unknown Man said.
What do you think. This is shortened and I really want to know what everyone thinks story wise and yes there's MORE. I will be editing this. and please give me more recommendation then saying it sucks you ------- retard. If it does really suck give me recommendations

Well I saw your wall of text and

 

[Catapo]

Ok, let me be direct here.

If your keyboard lacks the "Enter" key, go buy a new keyboard. If not learn how to use it because reading that was painful.

You want to know if people like your idea, but there is no idea there to judge.
That wall of text is poorly formatted, full of gramatical errors and doesn't give us anything. (All terrible signs for a story)

What you gave us was a bunch of contradictions:
- MC woke up one morning but it was not really morning
- MC has a different relation with time but it's not really different
- MC has nightmares but he didn't have a nightmare.
- Something speaks to him but he doesn't hear it.
- Time freezes but he doesn't notice.

The only relevant information we got is:
- He met a woman at his workplace
- He went to pick his brother from work.
- He got into a car crash.
- Something speaks to him in his mind.
- People died.

There is nothing here to give an opinion on. The story probably makes sense in your head but you failed at putting it properly into words and I can only assume that is the case in the rest of your writing as well.

 

[MaxTheWriter20]

Well I saw your wall of text and
View attachment 1982390

I agree. I'll fix it.

 

[MaxTheWriter20]

Ok, let me be direct here.

If your keyboard lacks the "Enter" key, go buy a new keyboard. If not learn how to use it because reading that was painful.

You want to know if people like your idea, but there is no idea there to judge.
That wall of text is poorly formatted, full of gramatical errors and doesn't give us anything. (All terrible signs for a story)

What you gave us was a bunch of contradictions:
- MC woke up one morning but it was not really morning
- MC has a different relation with time but it's not really different
- MC has nightmares but he didn't have a nightmare.
- Something speaks to him but he doesn't hear it.
- Time freezes but he doesn't notice.

The only relevant information we got is:
- He met a woman at his workplace
- He went to pick his brother from work.
- He got into a car crash.
- Something speaks to him in his mind.
- People died.

There is nothing here to give an opinion on. The story probably makes sense in your head but you failed at putting it properly into words and I can only assume that is the case in the rest of your writing as well.

Wow I just realized that I suck when I write before I go to bed. Should of slept before continuing on.

 

[MaxTheWriter20]

Well, it took me a while to recover from being smashed in the face with that block of text, but I managed to unravel it enough to make some guesses.

Here are my, personal, thoughts, for whatever they are worth.

Your story seems to revolve around some type of time travel or manipulation of events surrounding the MC's past, that cause events to 'warp' around him, as if the MC had actually done certain things, but that the MC is somehow unaware of what has happened.
There seems to be some diety/entity that exists in multiple frames of time/existence that is altering events around the MC while creating some buffer/null zone around the MC to prevent them from being aware of/affected by these changed events.

It is hard to tell what is going on, due to the fact that your description jumps and skips around to, seemingly, disjointed events. First the MC is at work talking to some bombshell chick about how he is her boss and then we are in some type of car crash, with someone who suddenly becomes our best friend, which flips itself into some kind of gun fight. All of this was going on while cats were meowing and a ghost was whispering things in the background.

If what you described is how the story goes, it would be a fairly jarring and disjointed story and, for myself, it would be rather hard to get into the story if it jumps all over the place. However, if what you are describing are just snippets of your story and you have omitted some 'boring filler' story that connects the events, that's fine, but it is hard to tell how good the story would be with just a few random snippets of story.

I remember playing a demo (can't remember the name) where the MC was being helped by some entity, by sending them back in time to change events with his mother/grand mother, then coming back to the present and seeing the changes without being fully aware of what happened (due to his interactions in the past) and it sounds like that game has some similar elements to what you are describing.
That could be kind of interesting, but there would need to be a lot more 'filler' material between, major, time events to provide continuity to the players OR some type of voice over narration to keep the players appraised of the real situation.

I will fix the writing soon I did this in a very tired state but wanted to see if people liked it. Also the story was supposed to slightly confusing but not overly, I will fix it. I know it's hectic. "it is hard to tell how good the story would be with just a few random snippets of story. " I agree, the 3 chapters that had written down I do not have them any more so I wrote down what I knew. I would say that each section or different location is about maybe 2 to 3 times more story to it still writing the story out.

 

[MaxTheWriter20]

Updated

 

[Geralt_R]

Well, I love SciFi and I am a sucker for well written time loops where a protagonist has to find a way out.

However, you provide so little info that it's virtually impossible to say anything about your idea. The super basic premise... mysterious car accident, weird things happen, you meet even weirder characters who speak some ominous lines of dialogue that hint at a time loop is certainly interesting enough. And I would certainly want to know more, i.e. check it out.

But we need to know more about the actual characters, what will the actual story be?

Also, since time loops are one of the more popular ideas in SciFi I recommend you try to spice it up a bit, i.e. try to find a new angle or at least an angle that has not been done to death.

I don't know how well versed you are with time loops in SciFi, if you have watched many of the numerous movies / tv shows that use this plot device or read books.
But it never hurts to immerse yourself into as much source material as possible for good ideas.

I would recommend you check out some of the lesser known works so whatever it is you want to write will not be just a mash-up of things fans of the genre have seen or read multiple times, i.e. don't make it Groundhog Day 2.0 or something like Edge of Tomorrow (the Tom Cruise movie) or Dr Strange (the first movie) or any of the things you can see in Star Trek. Of course the story will never be truly original, basically everything about this theme has already been written or filmed.

I recommend you check out the following:

12:01, you can find the movie for free on YouTube even, it's basically a SciFi version of Groundhog Day (the movie was made before Groundhog Day though), it also has a romantic angle (the hero tries to save his secret crush from certain death, and he's the only one who can remember the loops)

You must be registered to see the links

Retroactive - little known 1997 movie with James Belushi, also available for free on YouTube, here the heroine is the only one who can remember the loops (she's sent back in time numerous times)

You must be registered to see the links

Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel - this is more of a comedy, but still pretty clever, it's a bit like Bill & Ted (a group of guys come up with a world changing idea in a pub), but it's not as goofy and dumb, also has some romance

Steins;Gate - pretty well known anime about time travel / time loops / alternate universes, but maybe worth checking out if you have never seen it, has some pretty good ideas and it also includes altering/erasing/changing memories of characters and only one person can always remember everything (and time is also frozen at various times).


A time loop concept I also liked was used in Blake Crouch's "Recursion" novel (the guy who wrote Wayward Pines, also a tv show), where your consciousness is sent through time into a previous version of yourself, here the basic premise is that someone wants to prevent the suicide of his daughter... then he's offered the deal of a lifetime by some shady organization that has apparently found a way to send people back in time, which works, daughter is saved, but then things gradually escalate to complete and total world ending apocalypse, which has to be prevented, so the heroes go back in time again and again and again (book has a happy ending). Makes clever use of time loops and erasing and sudden re-emergence of memories about former timelines.

Another book (that is not super well known) is "Paradox Bound" by Peter Clines, not so much time loop than time travel (it kind of has loops though), but maybe worth checking out, also has a romance angle.

 

[CaptainBipto]

Updated

Well, cleaning up the writing has helped.

After re-reading the sections it brings to mind a movie I have seen called The Adjustment Bureau AND it brings to mind another movie, but I can't recall the name of it. In that second movie, basically the main character was traveling backward in time, he wasn't aware of what has already happened, but he was aware of what will happen. It was kind of weird to get a grasp of it, but it was still a good movie.

It sounds like the MC of your story cannot time travel, but he can 'freeze' time around (or perhaps when time freezes around him) and he can see and act, and during one of these events a pair if mysterious characters appear, pull him out of a wrecked vehicle and their conversation makes it seem like they are traveling back and forth in time and adjusting events around the MC.

It is definitely different, whatever is going on, but it does seem interesting.

 

[woody554]

what you have is a part of a sketch for a synopsis. if you're already burned out, as it sounds, there is no way in hell you'll ever survive even to your 0.1. just no way.

doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, nor does it mean that the idea was bad. whatever the idea is, which I think is unclear even to you.

but it does probably mean that you MUST change your story until YOU'RE interested in it, so much that you can't stop yourself from working on it. what we or anyone else thinks about it won't help you ONE tiny bit, the motivation must come 100% from inside.

If the problem is getting stuck with something, spinning your wheels not finding the way how to solve some specific scene, rewriting after rewriting but every iteration not working... in my experience that almost always happens because some BIG underlying structure in your story is WRONG.

that thing you kinda know doesn't work but don't want to change it because it's so much work, and instead you try to write a scene that somehow fixes that big problem with dialogue. but you can't find the right words and it never works. you keep trying and trying, and become frustrated and start losing your will to live.

just bite the bullet and fix that big underlying structural problem first. delete 20 scenes and 50,000 words if you have to. once you get the structural thing RIGHT you'll be amazed how fast and effortless the writing is. the text will literally write itself faster than you can type, and you end up fixing and IMPROVING everything in 2 weeks, when you spent 3 months spinning your wheels and not getting forward.

at least that's my experience. we always try to polish a turd or noodle aimlessly when we should just chop off whole limbs. deep breath, close your eyes, chop that fucking arm off.


oh. and regarding time loops or memory alteration. make DAMN sure you understand 100%, back and forth, clear as fuck what the structure of your loop thing is. do NOT improvise. draw a picture of the WHOLE thing. you don't have to show it naked to the reader, but you MUST have it clear in your head.

otherwise it'll become too complicated to handle in 5 seconds flat and you'll die under the mess. even a straightforward story with one line is a bitch to keep straight in a GAME.

 

[doku99]

If you're gonna make an 18+ game, please be 18+ ...

 

[MaxTheWriter20]

what you have is a part of a sketch for a synopsis. if you're already burned out, as it sounds, there is no way in hell you'll ever survive even to your 0.1. just no way.

doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, nor does it mean that the idea was bad. whatever the idea is, which I think is unclear even to you.

but it does probably mean that you MUST change your story until YOU'RE interested in it, so much that you can't stop yourself from working on it. what we or anyone else thinks about it won't help you ONE tiny bit, the motivation must come 100% from inside.

If the problem is getting stuck with something, spinning your wheels not finding the way how to solve some specific scene, rewriting after rewriting but every iteration not working... in my experience that almost always happens because some BIG underlying structure in your story is WRONG.

that thing you kinda know doesn't work but don't want to change it because it's so much work, and instead you try to write a scene that somehow fixes that big problem with dialogue. but you can't find the right words and it never works. you keep trying and trying, and become frustrated and start losing your will to live.

just bite the bullet and fix that big underlying structural problem first. delete 20 scenes and 50,000 words if you have to. once you get the structural thing RIGHT you'll be amazed how fast and effortless the writing is. the text will literally write itself faster than you can type, and you end up fixing and IMPROVING everything in 2 weeks, when you spent 3 months spinning your wheels and not getting forward.

at least that's my experience. we always try to polish a turd or noodle aimlessly when we should just chop off whole limbs. deep breath, close your eyes, chop that fucking arm off.


oh. and regarding time loops or memory alteration. make DAMN sure you understand 100%, back and forth, clear as fuck what the structure of your loop thing is. do NOT improvise. draw a picture of the WHOLE thing. you don't have to show it naked to the reader, but you MUST have it clear in your head. I actually like the story a lot from what I wrote in the past.

otherwise it'll become too complicated to handle in 5 seconds flat and you'll die under the mess. even a straightforward story with one line is a bitch to keep straight in a GAME.

I'm not burnt out of the story just haven't got into writing much recently because I have been busy and me being busy I really lose my motivation. I actually like the story from what I wrote in the past. I'm kinda just stuck in between the stories or chapters as they align well but they just have to be right if you know what I mean. Usually what happens if I rewrite stuff is the first time is terrible then the second and third times are the best or better. I do understand the plot quite well some parts are more confusing but they are getting less and less confusing and more mysterious.

 

[AncestralGroove]

more mysterious?

 

[MaxTheWriter20]

more mysterious?
View attachment 1995923

what i mean is there will be more answers and less confusion of the story but it is a mystery genre story, yes it will be 18+

 

[MaxTheWriter20]

If you're gonna make an 18+ game, please be 18+ ...

It will be 18+

 

[doku99]

It will be 18+

But are you?

 

[MaxTheWriter20]

But are you?

Yes I am, why ask that question. Why is it that some people say I look like I'm 30 then others say I look like i'm 17. I'm not 17, I'm in between. And don't take this answer the wrong way as I am not writing in irritation but sounds like it.

 

[MaxTheWriter20]

Well, I love SciFi and I am a sucker for well written time loops where a protagonist has to find a way out.

However, you provide so little info that it's virtually impossible to say anything about your idea. The super basic premise... mysterious car accident, weird things happen, you meet even weirder characters who speak some ominous lines of dialogue that hint at a time loop is certainly interesting enough. And I would certainly want to know more, i.e. check it out.

But we need to know more about the actual characters, what will the actual story be?

Also, since time loops are one of the more popular ideas in SciFi I recommend you try to spice it up a bit, i.e. try to find a new angle or at least an angle that has not been done to death.

I don't know how well versed you are with time loops in SciFi, if you have watched many of the numerous movies / tv shows that use this plot device or read books.
But it never hurts to immerse yourself into as much source material as possible for good ideas.

I would recommend you check out some of the lesser known works so whatever it is you want to write will not be just a mash-up of things fans of the genre have seen or read multiple times, i.e. don't make it Groundhog Day 2.0 or something like Edge of Tomorrow (the Tom Cruise movie) or Dr Strange (the first movie) or any of the things you can see in Star Trek. Of course the story will never be truly original, basically everything about this theme has already been written or filmed.

I recommend you check out the following:

12:01, you can find the movie for free on YouTube even, it's basically a SciFi version of Groundhog Day (the movie was made before Groundhog Day though), it also has a romantic angle (the hero tries to save his secret crush from certain death, and he's the only one who can remember the loops)

You must be registered to see the links

Retroactive - little known 1997 movie with James Belushi, also available for free on YouTube, here the heroine is the only one who can remember the loops (she's sent back in time numerous times)

You must be registered to see the links

Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel - this is more of a comedy, but still pretty clever, it's a bit like Bill & Ted (a group of guys come up with a world changing idea in a pub), but it's not as goofy and dumb, also has some romance

Steins;Gate - pretty well known anime about time travel / time loops / alternate universes, but maybe worth checking out if you have never seen it, has some pretty good ideas and it also includes altering/erasing/changing memories of characters and only one person can always remember everything (and time is also frozen at various times).


A time loop concept I also liked was used in Blake Crouch's "Recursion" novel (the guy who wrote Wayward Pines, also a tv show), where your consciousness is sent through time into a previous version of yourself, here the b

[IMG alt="262177"]https://f95zone.to/data/avatars/s/262/262177.jpg?1625441019[/IMG]

asic premise is that someone wants to prevent the suicide of his daughter... then he's offered the deal of a lifetime by some shady organization that has apparently found a way to send people back in time, which works, daughter is saved, but then things gradually escalate to complete and total world ending apocalypse, which has to be prevented, so the heroes go back in time again and again and again (book has a happy ending). Makes clever use of time loops and erasing and sudden re-emergence of memories about former timelines.

Another book (that is not super well known) is "Paradox Bound" by Peter Clines, not so much time loop than time travel (it kind of has loops though), but maybe worth checking out, also has a romance angle.

I don't plan on making groundhog day scenario type story as a WHOLE, there will be parts but it's more like dreams the mc wakes up from a bad dream and in the end a man says they all die everyone of them dies, he's looking for someone. The dreams he is having they have been happening for 2 months maybe more but the mc doesn't remember. The question is what is the mc not remembering or haven't happened yes. The dreams are telling the mc what is going to happen preparing him for the future so he can change the outcome if possible but this outcome cannot change. I wouldn't call it a time loop as he is not in the same day. But the aspect of a time loop is there.

 

[Geralt_R]

The dreams are telling the mc what is going to happen preparing him for the future so he can change the outcome if possible but this outcome cannot change

So it's more about predestination and knowledge of future timelines... has been done many times before as well of course, but can be interesting.

What I would always prefer (but that's just my personal preference) is if it's based on actual SciFi, not magic, as in, the dreams the MC has are not some supernatural phenomenon.

Actually, the Recursion novel by Blake Crouch I mentioned kind of has that element... where people suddenly remember certain things about the future (or a different timeline) and there it's all about changing events so the apocalypse can be prevented.