Review for [v0.2]
I don't want to be too critical, as this is clearly a personal project, so I'm gonna try and be as constructive as possible.
First off, calling this the "first 2 chapters" is pretty misleading. This is one chapter. There's a VERY minor introduction that just establishes what the AVN even is, and then the first chapter feels like a prologue to what the main story will be. It's essentially backstory, with flashbacks to more backstory. As a result, it isn't very engaging, just establishes the relationships.
As previously mentioned, this is clearly a personal project, as it feels like the dev is using the trans MC in this story (you can pick their name) to speak to us about living as a trans person, rather than having an actual character. The proof of this is shown by the fact that we don't really know anything about the cis MC besides the fact he's doing computer science, he likes video games, and likes women. That's it. For the part of the story that should be about setting up the characters, it doesn't actually...set anything up. What does how the trans MC discovering themselves actually add to the narrative being told? What does the confrontation between the two MCs over the university change actually do for us?
The big issue is that writers for these types of stories is you need to pick one of two driving forces: characters, or narrative. This has neither. Going to college isn't powerful enough to hook a reader because...it's plain, frankly. So that leaves characters, but as previously stated, there's really nothing there. Hopefully that will change over time, but right now, that's all it is: hope.
Onto the visuals, there isn't much to write home about. They're serviceable, it makes sense that an amateur dev wouldn't make something that looks incredible, it meets the expectations well. Obviously there's an expectation that the more the dev works on their project, the better they'll get, so I don't see any concerns at the moment.
Overall, I understand that there's a deep personal connection to the AVN, however I want to review it as an AVN on it's own, not being propped up by pure emotion. There's potential for it to pick back up and become a truly enjoyable experience, and I hope that's achieved, but at the moment it isn't there.
I don't want to be too critical, as this is clearly a personal project, so I'm gonna try and be as constructive as possible.
First off, calling this the "first 2 chapters" is pretty misleading. This is one chapter. There's a VERY minor introduction that just establishes what the AVN even is, and then the first chapter feels like a prologue to what the main story will be. It's essentially backstory, with flashbacks to more backstory. As a result, it isn't very engaging, just establishes the relationships.
As previously mentioned, this is clearly a personal project, as it feels like the dev is using the trans MC in this story (you can pick their name) to speak to us about living as a trans person, rather than having an actual character. The proof of this is shown by the fact that we don't really know anything about the cis MC besides the fact he's doing computer science, he likes video games, and likes women. That's it. For the part of the story that should be about setting up the characters, it doesn't actually...set anything up. What does how the trans MC discovering themselves actually add to the narrative being told? What does the confrontation between the two MCs over the university change actually do for us?
The big issue is that writers for these types of stories is you need to pick one of two driving forces: characters, or narrative. This has neither. Going to college isn't powerful enough to hook a reader because...it's plain, frankly. So that leaves characters, but as previously stated, there's really nothing there. Hopefully that will change over time, but right now, that's all it is: hope.
Onto the visuals, there isn't much to write home about. They're serviceable, it makes sense that an amateur dev wouldn't make something that looks incredible, it meets the expectations well. Obviously there's an expectation that the more the dev works on their project, the better they'll get, so I don't see any concerns at the moment.
Overall, I understand that there's a deep personal connection to the AVN, however I want to review it as an AVN on it's own, not being propped up by pure emotion. There's potential for it to pick back up and become a truly enjoyable experience, and I hope that's achieved, but at the moment it isn't there.
