VN Ren'Py Beyond the Ashes

[John356]

I'm a 10 year Python/C++ dev looking to make Visual novels and artwork as a hobby. I currently have a preplanned story and would like to hear your opinions/character suggestions.


Prologue:
You are 19 And In college With Your friend Jessica. one night she asked you over to her house As her parents are going on a business trip along with yours, The next day while you are hanging out there is a news alert that the plane both your parents where on never reached its destination and All of the passengers are presumed dead. While both of you are distraught Jessica is soon forced to Take over the CEO position in the company, She leaves And you are stuck to finish out the rest of your college years while Jessica has to pick up the bits and pieces of a deteriorating corporation. When you finally get out of College you Get a job working for her Company but Jessica has Changed from the once sweet girl you know, now it seems like she Doesn't even know you.

 

[kytee]

I mean, the synopsis seems pretty open ended and not very fleshed out, so there's not much to comment on.

What are your thoughts behind the way you set up the story? Why did you choose to have the plane disappear? How will this benefit the story and what are the consequences gonna be on the MC and his childhood friend?

This is pretty light if this is the extent of your planned story.

 

[John356]

I mean, the synopsis seems pretty open ended and not very fleshed out, so there's not much to comment on.

What are your thoughts behind the way you set up the story? Why did you choose to have the plane disappear? How will this benefit the story and what are the consequences gonna be on the MC and his childhood friend?

This is pretty light if this is the extent of your planned story.

I have 4 full pages of the main story writing with about 2 pages of sub plots and twists I just wanted to give the main prologue. after a bit of time I've added quite a bit more detail to post so you can get a better understanding.

 

[kytee]

I guess it all depends on how well you execute the story. Having a great plot does nothing for your story if executed poorly.

 

[John356]

I guess it all depends on how well you execute the story. Having a great plot does nothing for your story if executed poorly.

I think you will find the story a bit more appealing.

 

[JMINATL]

Plot sounds interesting as far as it goes

 

[-KC-]

I like it, when can I get my hands on it?

 

[John356]

I like it, when can I get my hands on it?

I would have to get patreon support to fully develop the game as I'm expecting over 300 separate scenes. Although Until I get some actual development I don't really feel comfortable asking for donations on just a story without any graphics to go with it. If everything goes well though I'm expecting a 1-2 year development time with a possible 6-12 hour playthrough time

 

[kytee]

Okay, now the story sounds significantly more interesting now that you've added more information to it.

 

[John356]

Okay, now the story sounds significantly more interesting now that you've added more information to it.

Let me know if there is anything I can do to improve it. After all feedback is How this game is going to be made unique and great.

 

[Catapo]

The story seems interesting but there is something that bothers me a bit.
If the CEO of a company dissapears the company will not/should not "deteriorate". The company would just get a new CEO. They might have a bit of a fallback but that's it.

Regarding the new CEO there is no way they would just take a 19-20 yo girl without any qualifications and just put her in charge.
The new CEO should be one of the current employees or an external person hired for the job.
The most they could do is take the girl and teach her how to lead the company while someone else leads it for now and years later leave that role to her once she is ready.

 

[John356]

The story seems interesting but there is something that bothers me a bit.
If the CEO of a company dissapears the company will not/should not "deteriorate". The company would just get a new CEO. They might have a bit of a fallback but that's it.

Regarding the new CEO there is no way they would just take a 19-20 yo girl without any qualifications and just put her in charge.
The new CEO should be one of the current employees or an external person hired for the job.
The most they could do is take the girl and teach her how to lead the company while someone else leads it for now and years later leave that role to her once she is ready.

There will be more information in the story, but her parents were basically modelling her to run the company, And with this they thought she was ready, although investors were not really confident with her ability so they started to bail out, she had to prove that she was ready as if she made any mistake the repercussions would be quite severe economically.

 

[Catapo]

There will be more information in the story, but her parents were basically modelling her to run the company, And with this they thought she was ready, although investors were not really confident with her ability so they started to bail out, she had to prove that she was ready as if she made any mistake the repercussions would be quite severe economically.

Ok that makes sense on both my issues and it sounds really interesting. Looking forward to it.

 

[John356]

Ok that makes sense on both my issues and it sounds really interesting. Looking forward to it.

Please vote on the poll if you can.

 

[Catapo]

Please vote on the poll if you can.

The background looks great but the character looks weird (lighting wise). Others are probably better at criticizing than me

 

[kytee]

Yeah, it almost seems like she was rendered without light while the rest of the scene is. Are her eyebrows supposed to be that light/transparent? It looks like her root hair color is brunette but her eyebrows are very light blonde. Don't know if that was your intention.

 

[John356]

Yeah, it almost seems like she was rendered without light while the rest of the scene is. Are her eyebrows supposed to be that light/transparent? It looks like her root hair color is brunette but her eyebrows are very light blonde. Don't know if that was your intention.

I've been working to remodel character to a more desirable look and right now. along side that I'm adding a simpler lighting for now until I can add dramatic/emissive lighting. I will upload a new image when done rendering. Should be done in about 15-30minutes. With simple lighting until I can fix this issue.

After some re-evaluating simple lighting looks like a major downgrade, instead I'm trying emissive natural lighting and see how it goes.

 

[John356]

updated render image. looking forward to your opinions/suggestions

 

[kytee]

She looks a lot better this time around, both in appearance and lighting.

The lighting, in general, can use more work though. You want your model to pop out against the background. This is so that it's easier and more natural for your eyes to focus on the important objects in your scene, namely the characters. You can look into a basic 3 point lighting setup that'll help you achieve that.

Finally, you can use bloom, depth of field, and other post processing effects to make the scene more beautiful.