Imagine how annoying that would be to code as well, every single character calls you the incorrect pronoun then you have to correct them every time?
^ Precisely this. It's just one of those things that you kinda have to hand wave to a certain degree when there's any real degree of customization.
There are ways that developers have tried to work around this. If I remember correctly, if it's configured to use automatic genders Lilith's Throne will auto-assign the player's gender based on how masculine their face is, but that kinda falls apart from a realism perspective if they have a gigachad face coupled with a pair of double-D honkers (maybe there are exceptions like this…I don't remember. Regardless, you're gonna have to deal with a lot of exceptions if you try to guess).
It's much easier to just let the player pick it and roll with it. Sure, it's a bit immersion breaking, sure, but I'd prefer that the NPCs are psychic rather than any of the other alternatives I've seen, many of which are even more stilted and unrealistic.
You get ambushed right out of the mine and if you lose you can say okay and be totally submissive, or fight and lose and... be totally submissive or just walk off. Your character fights to not be raped then instantly starts calling her mistress and saying her pussy tastes good and that they want to be fucked.
Yeah, I kinda wish there were some neutral options when it comes to Tavi. Maybe something like that is planned for the future.
As of right now you either fight her off and she immediately hates you (until you apologize like a good sub?) or you immediately submit to her. Either way, her dommy nature falls off pretty quickly. Part of that makes a bit of sense when you play through her quest line, but it still feels a bit disjointed.