Others Crisis Point: Extinction [v0.47] [Anon42]

[Anon42]

Hey dudes, sorry about not posting last week's update here, I wasn't in a particularly good state at the time and I forgot to post anywhere but Patreon. I'm gonna go ahead and post both last week's and this week's updates at once here, so you can read them both if you missed either.


7-10-2021

Hey everyone. This weekly update is going to be very short, apologies to anyone who was hoping for more.

Orexius is nearly done with the Edovex trio and xray cumshot (we'll be posting something about this on Discord soon, to get feedback from our Patrons there), and Red is progressing smoothly on the Azulisk scene; we have a few changes left, but the character art is nearly done, and then it's just background and final tweaks and it'll be done.

For me, this week was... rough, to say the least. A combination of the depression and side effects from starting medication, probably. My sleep has been terrible, my mood is by far the worst it's been, sometimes even just feeding myself has been a struggle. I'm sorry there's not anything from me in terms of development this week, I'm just trying my best to get through these side effects right now. They said 2-4 weeks for side effects to subside and start feeling the benefits, so hopefully there will be some improvement next update, but we'll have to wait and see. Sorry again there's not a longer update, I really appreciate all of your patience while I'm dealing with this.





7-17-2021

Hey everyone, gonna be another quick update this week because I don't have too much to talk about. I took this week off again, and the good news is that it seems like I'm over the worst of the side effects. That first week was absolutely miserable, one of the worst mental/emotional states I've ever been in, but this last week I've been feeling pretty much neutral, which is a big step up. I'm not sure if I'm actually feeling the positive effects yet or if I just feel good because I'm no longer feeling terrible - "neutral" is fantastic after hitting such a low point, after all - but I guess it doesn't really matter which? I felt pretty good for the latter half of this week and that's what matters. Hopefully it only continues to get better from here.

I have a check-in with my mental health doc in a few days, and I believe that's when we'll be talking about therapy options, so I should be getting a therapy schedule going soon. I can't say I'm really excited about it, but not because I have anything against therapy, quite the opposite - my problem is that appointments of any kind (like my upcoming check-in, or something like a flight) give me horrific anxiety, especially the day before the appointment. It's bad enough that it feels physically painful sometimes, and the thought of having an appointment every single week sounds like my own personal brand of hell. On the other side of the coin, I've always wanted to go to therapy and I'm so glad I can finally afford to do it, so it's a weird conflicted mix of the two feelings. I brought this up with my doctor when I talked with them the first time, and they suggested the idea that it'll get easier the more often it happens, which is definitely true in my experience - I had frequent chiropractic appointments for a while after my car accident a few years ago, and I don't remember having issues with that - so I'm just going to have to power through the anxiety for the time being. If it doesn't get better (either on its own or with the medication I'm on now), then I can talk about it with them further and try to figure something out. For now it's just another hurdle to overcome.


Anyway, that's all I have to talk about regarding me right now. As far as CPE goes, there's not too much to say since I took the week off again - though I'm going to sincerely try to get at least SOME work done again this week, since my mental state is on the upswing at the moment. In the meantime, Orexius and Red are still hard at work; Red is continuing work on the Azulisk CG in his limited free time, and we've got a WIP background now, so one step closer to completion. Orex finished up all of the Edovex animations this week, including the xray and xray climax animations, so he'll be moving on to more xrays for other enemies, and some gameplay QoL animations I wanted to experiment with. I'll have more to share on that soon, once we get the chance to tinker with it a bit.

And that's about it for this week's update. Thank you for reading, and for continuing to overload me with kind and supportive messages; I don't respond to all of them and I'm sorry for that, I'm not great at socializing and putting myself out there, but every single one of your messages truly means the world to me. It's easy as a content creator to assume that people just care about the content and not the person behind it, but everything you've all done and said since I opened up about my depression has proven that that couldn't be further from the truth. It's yet another reason for me to want to get better, so I can make sure your kindness and encouragement isn't wasted!

 

[Jaacker]

there is a thing i wonder for the maker of the game. Out of curiosity, once the game is fully done or you get to the last part of it, how much you expect to see the "derailing" of the game? i played the game quite a bit and tried to get most of the secrets and such but i think there is no way to make sequence breaking in general, you made the game on purpose so that you can only go a certain path and a certain way only or do you plan to give Alicia more Movement, tools or purposes to her abilities so that next playthroughs are not as similar to the others?

 

[Anon42]

there is a thing i wonder for the maker of the game. Out of curiosity, once the game is fully done or you get to the last part of it, how much you expect to see the "derailing" of the game? i played the game quite a bit and tried to get most of the secrets and such but i think there is no way to make sequence breaking in general, you made the game on purpose so that you can only go a certain path and a certain way only or do you plan to give Alicia more Movement, tools or purposes to her abilities so that next playthroughs are not as similar to the others?

I'm not really designing the game with sequence breaks in mind, no. I know they're popular with metroidvanias, but CPE having a bigger focus on narrative makes it difficult for sequence breaking to fit in with the game's design. There are certain points in the story where you're allowed to go in multiple directions, though; for example, once you get the Dash ability in the Summit, you can either continue up the Summit to fight the tar boss at the top, or you can go travel into the Deep Soil and explore there. There's a few points in the story where I plan on having multiple paths you can take like that, both to keep second playthroughs fresh and to reduce the chances of players getting lost for an extended period, but sequence breaking isn't something we intend on including.

 

[Jaacker]

I'm not really designing the game with sequence breaks in mind, no. I know they're popular with metroidvanias, but CPE having a bigger focus on narrative makes it difficult for sequence breaking to fit in with the game's design. There are certain points in the story where you're allowed to go in multiple directions, though; for example, once you get the Dash ability in the Summit, you can either continue up the Summit to fight the tar boss at the top, or you can go travel into the Deep Soil and explore there. There's a few points in the story where I plan on having multiple paths you can take like that, both to keep second playthroughs fresh and to reduce the chances of players getting lost for an extended period, but sequence breaking isn't something we intend on including.

Understandable, i was just curious if you were actually thinking to take out the sequence breaking or if it just spawned naturally across years of development and such.

 

[Anon42]

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Hey everyone. Yet another pretty short update this week, though there is a pretty rad animation Orex made this week that I'll be sharing.

First off, my personal week. It was a pretty decent one. I didn't manage to get any work done like I was hoping, but I'm trying to be alright with that - even though I've had a lot of time "away from work", so to speak, most of it up until now has been spent in a depressive state, so it hasn't exactly been restful. This week I felt pretty decent (aside from the continued extreme anxiety when I have an appointment coming up), but once I tried to start working this week and was still struggling with it, I also realized that I only just started feeling decent again, so I figured giving myself a bit more of a break would be a good idea.

So aside from the lack of work, I had another meeting with my psychiatrist this week. We talked about how things have been going for me, what changes I want to try and work towards, and she gave me a list of therapists to look into. I'll be doing some research this week to try and decide who I want to work with out of the 5 options she gave me; I'm not sure how long it'll be after I decide who to go for before I actually start having therapy sessions, but in the meantime, my psychiatrist worked with me to set up a list of small goals for me to accomplish before I meet with her again in a month, to help me get out of the stagnation of my comfort zone in a healthy, sustainable way. She continues to be a wonderful person to work with; when we were figuring out those goals, I was a bit overambitious with some of the things I wanted to accomplish, and she was quick to pull me back from those when necessary. After she discussed that, and why she pulled me back from it, I'm starting to get the feeling that "expecting too much to quickly" has been one of my key struggles with making positive changes in my life; I expect a lot out of myself, and when I fail to meet those expectations, I struggle to find the motivation to keep trying.

I'm going to keep taking it easy for a little while longer; I plan on trying to do some small work on personal for-fun projects, and if that goes well and I'm feeling productive then I'll try working on CPE too, but I don't want to force myself just yet. It still hasn't been a full month since I started taking the antidepressants, so it's entirely possible the effects will become even more pronounced over the next week or two. I have another appointment with the doctor who prescribed my medication very early next month; this medicine definitely seems to be helping with my depression, but so far I don't feel like it's doing anything for my ADHD/anxiety, so if that continues I'll probably talk to her about trying out adding another medication on top of the one I'm taking. The one I'm on now is only approved for depression, it just also has the side effect of often helping people with ADHD/anxiety, so it was a 50/50 shot whether it would help me with those too, and not a big surprise if it doesn't.


Anyway, that's about all I have regarding myself this week. Before I end this post, though, Orexius has been working on learning some special effects animation (which was previously one of the few remaining animation/art things I still handled personally), and he took the time this week to go back and animate a new explosion effect for the Seeker Mines you encounter in the game's underwater sections.

For comparison's sake, I grabbed an older gif showing the OLD version of the mine's explosion animation:

And here's the NEW animation:

Obviously the new animation lacks the ingame context, but hopefully you're as big of a fan of it as I am! After seeing this, I'm pretty stoked to have Orex go back and update some of our other special effects to be fancier. Much like my character animation work from the early days of CPE, it wasn't bad per se, but my animations and effects tended to be pretty basic. I'm not an animator, and there's a level of quality and flair Orex brings to the presentation that I have a difficult time reaching when I do artwork. Basically what I'm saying is, Orexius is awesome.


Alright, that's it for me for this week. Thank you all for reading, and for continuing to be so supportive and kind! I've said it before, but all of your kind words and reassurances really do help me to not feel so guilt-ridden when things don't go according to plan. After talking to my psychatrist, I'm going to try and put a little less pressure on myself, and try to find victory in even the smaller things, so I can work towards a healthier relationship with my work and life. Thank you again for reading, and we'll see you again in next week's update!

 

[Alexandra69]

Don't get too deep into the med pool, man. As per personal and family experiences, in the end meds are really useless. Prozac, Rivotril, Risperdal... all do nothing but numb you up and screw your internal organs. The only real healing med you're gonna get is inside your mind. Of course no psychiatrist's gonna support my point of view, but again, I've been there myself and seen 3 close family members go through the same and in the end what it really took to get well was resolution and willpower.

I assume that to make such an awesome game you must have an awesome mind (which of course is a double-edge sword) so I hope you find this advice useful.

bro, are you really telling someone on the internet not to take their meds?
are you ok?

 

[JAvatar]

bro, are you really telling someone on the internet not to take their meds?
are you ok?

You, friend, are politer than I am in regards to them bashing on medication.

 

[Anon42]

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Hey everyone, sorry I missed the update yesterday. To be honest, I didn't even realize it was Saturday, my mental clock is super off right now. Gonna be more or less another personal update this week, though I do have an update to that explosion animation from last week! We got some feedback and Orexius decided to tweak it some more, and now it looks even cooler than before. I'll have that later in the post, so feel free to skip there if you don't want to read personal stuff.

I've been doing a little work on personal projects like I mentioned last update, and the good news is I haven't forgotten how to program lmao, so that's reassuring. Right now my biggest struggle is just, getting myself to start working in the first place. There are so many days where I'll wake up feeling ready to work, get ready for the day and head down to my computer, sit at my desk, and then just kinda.. freeze up. My motivation slips away completely as soon as I can actually put thoughts into action, and it's immeasurably frustrating.

I have an appointment with my medicine doctor this week, so I'll be discussing my thoughts on the medicine I'm on now with her; I think I've talked about it before, but basically it feels like it's definitely helping with my depression, but it hasn't done anything for the anxiety/ADD - which isn't surprising, since depression is the only one of my symptoms it's clinically approved to treat. It often helps patients with the other two things, but not always. It certainly hasn't been a magical "happy pill" or anything like that, but it's kind of amazing how much of a difference it makes day-to-day. Before, when something bad happened on any given day, it would typically ruin my entire day. I couldn't pick myself out of that emotional slump until I slept and basically had a hard reset. Now that I'm taking medication though, of course I still have bad days sometimes, and I still get sad sometimes, but it doesn't seem to consume me in the way that it used to. I'll take an hour to myself, sometimes more sometimes less, and then I'll be okay again. Basically, I feel like this medication has just allowed my brain to remain at a "neutral" state in a way that I just plain wasn't able to do before.

So, once my appointment comes, my core goal is to talk to her about ADD medication options. I know that the "getting started" problem is a common one with ADD, and it's been one of my main struggling points with developing CPE as a whole, not just in these last few months. It's kinda weird, as an adult I basically "forgot" I was diagnosed with ADD as a kid, because I haven't been treated for it in any way for the past ~15 years. I didn't literally forget, but I never considered it at all when thinking about all of the things I've struggled with over the years. Instead, I just convinced myself that I wasn't trying hard enough, which is.. just about the most unhealthy mindset possible, especially for neurodivergent minds. This appointment is very early in the week, so I might have something to report by the next update, with any luck - some ADD medications start working immediately, so it will depend on what she puts me on.


Anyway, that's enough personal stuff for this week. Orexius has been working on more xray animations, as well as updating all of the Underwater Mine animations (not just the explosion). He's also working on an alternate Ledge Grab animation, for ledges where Alicia doesn't have a foothold, since the current animation looks a little silly in those cases. The only animation I'm showing off this week is the updated explosion, though:

The effect from last week is still there, with a few minor tweaks, but there's another layer on top that should make the effect read much more as an "underwater" explosion specifically.

Alright, that's all I have for this week. Hopefully you're not tired of hearing me say thank you yet, because - seriously - thank you all so much for sticking with us. I know CPE development is in a bad place right now, but it means the world to me that you guys are giving me the time I need to deal with all this. I feel like I'm finally on track to get back into development soon, especially if ADD medication works out. There's a LOT to do once I get back to it, so don't expect another playable update to come out very soon even if I do get going right away, but if all goes well then CPE development should be a lot more consistent once I finally am back behind the wheel. Here's hoping we have something good to share next week!

 

[Aerrae]

I have an appointment with my medicine doctor this week, so I'll be discussing my thoughts on the medicine I'm on now with her; I think I've talked about it before, but basically it feels like it's definitely helping with my depression, but it hasn't done anything for the anxiety/ADD - which isn't surprising, since depression is the only one of my symptoms it's clinically approved to treat. It often helps patients with the other two things, but not always. It certainly hasn't been a magical "happy pill" or anything like that, but it's kind of amazing how much of a difference it makes day-to-day. Before, when something bad happened on any given day, it would typically ruin my entire day. I couldn't pick myself out of that emotional slump until I slept and basically had a hard reset. Now that I'm taking medication though, of course I still have bad days sometimes, and I still get sad sometimes, but it doesn't seem to consume me in the way that it used to. I'll take an hour to myself, sometimes more sometimes less, and then I'll be okay again. Basically, I feel like this medication has just allowed my brain to remain at a "neutral" state in a way that I just plain wasn't able to do before.

So, once my appointment comes, my core goal is to talk to her about ADD medication options. I know that the "getting started" problem is a common one with ADD, and it's been one of my main struggling points with developing CPE as a whole, not just in these last few months. It's kinda weird, as an adult I basically "forgot" I was diagnosed with ADD as a kid, because I haven't been treated for it in any way for the past ~15 years. I didn't literally forget, but I never considered it at all when thinking about all of the things I've struggled with over the years. Instead, I just convinced myself that I wasn't trying hard enough, which is.. just about the most unhealthy mindset possible, especially for neurodivergent minds. This appointment is very early in the week, so I might have something to report by the next update, with any luck - some ADD medications start working immediately, so it will depend on what she puts me on.

My boyfriend has ADHD epilepsy and seems to have depression too. He's on an opposite trajectory here where his previous two are more or less handled with medication but he needs to get a potential diagnoses for the depression.

He talks to a therapist and hopefully they'll get to the bottom of it. He'll just get sad for no reason sometimes and there's obviously nothing I or anyone else can do to make it better.
I've never been like that myself but I've never been with someone who doesn't have depression or something similar so it really is painful to watch and be powerless. I can imagine how it feels to be in it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the one that's weird. Us Millennials and onward seem to just be inundated with depression and anxiety disorders.

 

[krouti132013]

Does anyone know how to open the purple doors?

 

[Mistix]

This was probably talked about already, but I've noticed there's no GOR scenes on version 0.42.1?
Do you have to trigger those another way now or were they removed?

Edit* Nvm, I got it

 

[Legolas'ass]

Does anyone know how to open the purple doors in the station? I really am stumped

 

[Anon42]

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Hey guys, sorry I missed Saturday again - I swear my mental clock is stuck a full day off right now and I keep not realizing what day of the week it is. This will be an entirely personal update, pretty much; I don't really have anything to share on the development side of things. Orexius has been working on more xray animations, and I'm still trying to get my mojo back, so this will just be an update on me and my health.

So to start off, I had my appointment with my medication doc this week. My main concern was, of course, getting ADD medication, and after going through all my options, we ended up settling on one of the few non-stimulant medications available. While she was doing my checkup, she noticed I have a very high resting heart rate, around ~115, when the average adult should be between 60-100. I asked her if it was because of how out of shape I am, and she said that just being out of shape shouldn't be enough to make my resting heart rate that high, so there's probably some underlying cause there in addition to my poor health. She wants me to get an EKG, but she wasn't sure what the cost of that was, so she said she would find out how much it would cost me and let me know at our next appointment. I do plan on getting insurance once I start seeing a therapist, so I can find an insurance plan that works with both my doctor and my therapist, so worst case scenario I can wait until after I have that to get the EKG if it's too expensive out of pocket. In the meantime, because of the high heart rate, she's not comfortable putting me on any stimulant medications; combining a stimulant with the antidepressant I'm on can sometimes make people jittery, and she said it could be potentially dangerous before we know what's going on with my heart rate. Thus, the non-stimulant.

The unfortunate part is that the stimulants are the ones that tend to work immediately. The medication I started on, being a non-stimulant, is like the antidepressant in that it takes a while to start working - pretty much the exact same timeframe, too, 4-8 weeks for the full effects. I won't know for a few weeks if it's helping with my ADD or not, and until we figure out what's going on with my heart, I won't be able to try any of the stimulant varieties. I've been on this new pill for most of this week, and the good news is I'm not getting horrible side effects like I did with the antidepressant. I got really nauseous one afternoon, but that's about it, and laying down for a while thankfully shook it off.


The one piece of good news I can relay about Crisis Point is that, while I haven't been actively working on the game in-engine, I have been spending a lot more time thinking about/mentally planning the game lately. I can tell my mental state is getting considerably better, both because of the antidepressant and because I've been trying out some new hobbies lately to try and refresh myself. This was a REALLY busy and stressful week for me, but I find myself able to handle stress better than I used to, so I'm still feeling pretty okay despite that. I wish I had gotten myself to work on CPE this week, but my motivation feels like it's coming back slowly but surely, and I'm confident that whether or not this ADD medication works, the coming weeks will have me back at my work desk - maybe not at full speed yet, but I'm positive that I'm going to feel up to making progress again soon.

Seriously, everyone, thank you so much for putting up with this hiatus for such a long time. Even though we still have some content coming in from Orex, I'm the main workforce behind CPE, and I'm sure having the game stall for so long is just as frustrating for you as it is for me. I say this every week, but I really can't thank you all enough for allowing me to put myself above the game for a while. I've been pushing my mental health aside for years so I could focus on the game, and I'm sure that's part of how it got to a boiling point like this. I may not be fully back in action yet, but with my mental health steadily climbing back up again, I'm just grateful that my unhealthy mental habits didn't push me so far that there was no coming back. As far as I'm concerned, I've gotta have the best fans in the world, and I can't wait to get back to delivering you guys the content you all deserve.

 

[krouti132013]

Anon42, how do you open the purple doors?

 

[Anon42]

Anon42, how do you open the purple doors?

Assuming you're talking about the doors in the Subaquatic Station, you can't. There's no way to bypass them at the moment, and there's nothing beyond them even if you could

 

[sharpys]

After revisiting the game, the alraunes wondering around in lingerie stockings bothers me: it doesn't jive with their thematic design. A more fitting outfit would to base their coverings closer to moss-like or leaf-like attires similar to Poison Ivy's from DC comics.

 

[Lucy_Kisa]

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Hey guys, sorry I missed Saturday again - I swear my mental clock is stuck a full day off right now and I keep not realizing what day of the week it is. This will be an entirely personal update, pretty much; I don't really have anything to share on the development side of things. Orexius has been working on more xray animations, and I'm still trying to get my mojo back, so this will just be an update on me and my health.

So to start off, I had my appointment with my medication doc this week. My main concern was, of course, getting ADD medication, and after going through all my options, we ended up settling on one of the few non-stimulant medications available. While she was doing my checkup, she noticed I have a very high resting heart rate, around ~115, when the average adult should be between 60-100. I asked her if it was because of how out of shape I am, and she said that just being out of shape shouldn't be enough to make my resting heart rate that high, so there's probably some underlying cause there in addition to my poor health. She wants me to get an EKG, but she wasn't sure what the cost of that was, so she said she would find out how much it would cost me and let me know at our next appointment. I do plan on getting insurance once I start seeing a therapist, so I can find an insurance plan that works with both my doctor and my therapist, so worst case scenario I can wait until after I have that to get the EKG if it's too expensive out of pocket. In the meantime, because of the high heart rate, she's not comfortable putting me on any stimulant medications; combining a stimulant with the antidepressant I'm on can sometimes make people jittery, and she said it could be potentially dangerous before we know what's going on with my heart rate. Thus, the non-stimulant.

The unfortunate part is that the stimulants are the ones that tend to work immediately. The medication I started on, being a non-stimulant, is like the antidepressant in that it takes a while to start working - pretty much the exact same timeframe, too, 4-8 weeks for the full effects. I won't know for a few weeks if it's helping with my ADD or not, and until we figure out what's going on with my heart, I won't be able to try any of the stimulant varieties. I've been on this new pill for most of this week, and the good news is I'm not getting horrible side effects like I did with the antidepressant. I got really nauseous one afternoon, but that's about it, and laying down for a while thankfully shook it off.


The one piece of good news I can relay about Crisis Point is that, while I haven't been actively working on the game in-engine, I have been spending a lot more time thinking about/mentally planning the game lately. I can tell my mental state is getting considerably better, both because of the antidepressant and because I've been trying out some new hobbies lately to try and refresh myself. This was a REALLY busy and stressful week for me, but I find myself able to handle stress better than I used to, so I'm still feeling pretty okay despite that. I wish I had gotten myself to work on CPE this week, but my motivation feels like it's coming back slowly but surely, and I'm confident that whether or not this ADD medication works, the coming weeks will have me back at my work desk - maybe not at full speed yet, but I'm positive that I'm going to feel up to making progress again soon.

Seriously, everyone, thank you so much for putting up with this hiatus for such a long time. Even though we still have some content coming in from Orex, I'm the main workforce behind CPE, and I'm sure having the game stall for so long is just as frustrating for you as it is for me. I say this every week, but I really can't thank you all enough for allowing me to put myself above the game for a while. I've been pushing my mental health aside for years so I could focus on the game, and I'm sure that's part of how it got to a boiling point like this. I may not be fully back in action yet, but with my mental health steadily climbing back up again, I'm just grateful that my unhealthy mental habits didn't push me so far that there was no coming back. As far as I'm concerned, I've gotta have the best fans in the world, and I can't wait to get back to delivering you guys the content you all deserve.

Did your doc give you an antipsychotic, i.e. Aripiprazole? Here in the Netherlands any non stimulant medication for ADHD is given as a last resort because of the added side effects from shit like SSRIs and MAOI antagonists.
Despite your depression it would have been best for her to opt for stimulants first. Untreated patients with ADHD often have depression as a co-morbid symptom due to struggles in life surrounding their neurodivergence.

Either way, I've been where you are right now. Hold tight, eventually it gets better. DSM-4 screwed me on my ADHD diagnosis as a kid which was only corrected recently in 2020. The ADHD struggles get better with time and treatment. I completely understand why development on crisis point extinctions going slow.

Eventually you'll get in the groove. I did eventually, I am doing a double bachelor now.

 

[Anon42]

Did your doc give you an antipsychotic, i.e. Aripiprazole? Here in the Netherlands any non stimulant medication for ADHD is given as a last resort because of the added side effects from shit like SSRIs and MAOI antagonists.
Despite your depression it would have been best for her to opt for stimulants first. Untreated patients with ADHD often have depression as a co-morbid symptom due to struggles in life surrounding their neurodivergence.

Either way, I've been where you are right now. Hold tight, eventually it gets better. DSM-4 screwed me on my ADHD diagnosis as a kid which was only corrected recently in 2020. The ADHD struggles get better with time and treatment. I completely understand why development on crisis point extinctions going slow.

Eventually you'll get in the groove. I did eventually, I am doing a double bachelor now.

Not an antipsychotic, no. Stimulants aren't being avoided because of my depression, they're being avoided because of my high heart rate, and the potential effects of mixing my specific antidepressant with a stimulant - it could result in dangerous side effects with my heart rate being so high for reasons we don't understand yet. She wants me to get that EKG so we can figure out what's going on with my heart, and if it would be safe to try stimulants, so I don't wind up dead lol. She wanted to do the EKG right away, but she didn't know what it would cost me, and she didn't want to drop a massive bill on me without me knowing, so the EKG will wait until our next visit when she can confirm the price and find out if I can afford it or not.

I'm glad to hear you were able to overcome your struggles! Best of luck with your double bachelors, that's fucking awesome. I'm hoping I can reach that point before too long, the waiting and struggling to work is agonizing, but I know it'll happen in due time. The more I've thought about it over this last month or two, the more I realize just how impactful ADD has been to my life and all of the things I've struggled with for the last ~15 years. Literally everything I've struggled with can be tied back to ADD, and it kinda drives me nuts that it took so long for me to realize it and seek help, especially since I was already diagnosed as a kid so it's not like I didn't know about it, I just never stopped to think if it might be the root cause of everything. Better late than never, though, and I still have plenty of time left ahead of me thankfully.

 

[Lucy_Kisa]

Not an antipsychotic, no. Stimulants aren't being avoided because of my depression, they're being avoided because of my high heart rate, and the potential effects of mixing my specific antidepressant with a stimulant - it could result in dangerous side effects with my heart rate being so high for reasons we don't understand yet. She wants me to get that EKG so we can figure out what's going on with my heart, and if it would be safe to try stimulants, so I don't wind up dead lol. She wanted to do the EKG right away, but she didn't know what it would cost me, and she didn't want to drop a massive bill on me without me knowing, so the EKG will wait until our next visit when she can confirm the price and find out if I can afford it or not.

I'm glad to hear you were able to overcome your struggles! Best of luck with your double bachelors, that's fucking awesome. I'm hoping I can reach that point before too long, the waiting and struggling to work is agonizing, but I know it'll happen in due time. The more I've thought about it over this last month or two, the more I realize just how impactful ADD has been to my life and all of the things I've struggled with for the last ~15 years. Literally everything I've struggled with can be tied back to ADD, and it kinda drives me nuts that it took so long for me to realize it and seek help, especially since I was already diagnosed as a kid so it's not like I didn't know about it, I just never stopped to think if it might be the root cause of everything. Better late than never, though, and I still have plenty of time left ahead of me thankfully.

That makes a lot of sense. You're in good hands with that Doctor then. I know some horror stories with Doctors and it's good to see you're not in one.

I can relate to how you feel about that, in regards of your diagnosis. Back when I was young kid I had an ADHD and Autism diagnosis, but psychologists with the DSM-4 took away the ADHD diagnosis, simply due to the fact that back then they believed you cannot have both at once. This is corrected in the DSM-5, but I had dropped out of high school because of my ADHD struggles, so quite alot of damage was already done. I also did not find out I was previously diagnosed with ADHD as a kid until my mom talked about it in the psychologist meeting that I had arranged to look for an ADHD diagnosis.
That diagnosis took place in 2020. Many roads to Rome I suppose.
Just like you, I am still processing the impact my undiagnosed ADHD has had on my life. I feel dem struggles.
But, you have your diagnosis now and starting from some point in the near future you can live the much more productive existence you've always desired.
Medication is only half the work though, getting here took a lot of discipline and work from myself. We're creatures of patterns and a big struggle is entirely reshaping your current patterns to more healthy ones, while also being aware of road blocks created by le ADHD brain. How to ADHD is a channel that has helped me a lot with specific mental ADHD struggles, if you haven't seen their channel already, it's definitely worth a watch.

I hope you can get that EKG without it being expensive. I had an EKG too as a kid, for different reasons. Luckily everything is alright.
Excuse me for being a bit speculative again, but; I know a lot of folk with ADHD who have a chronically high heart rate. Apparently its quite common. If you have not done so already, measure your heart rate in rest at home. I usually have a consistent heart rate of 100 bpm and sometimes only 80-90 when I am around people. Even with Doctors whom I'm very familiar with, this can occur. Its a stark contrast to my heart rate in rest at home, which is 50-65 bpm. Weight training and cardio help keep it that low for me.
If you've already measured in rest at home, feel free to entirely ignore what I just wrote.
Is your blood pressure fine though? If you don't mind me asking.

 

[f9account]

So a while back, Anon42, you said you'd be ok with some fanart/fanfic.

I hope this story cheers you up!

If anyone has any grammar corrections or typo corrections, please let me know!

Edit--putting story chapters into spoilers to save space.


* * *

Dedicated to anon42 and all fans of Crisis Point Extinction. This is a work of fiction, all characters are above 18. All rights to the original author Anon42. Story by DarkMoonTranslations.

* * *

“Computer, begin recording: Exploration log of unknown planetary cavern X-2.” Alicia began.

“So my mouth had been stuffed full of tentacles, my womb filled with eggs, and my pussy licked by the hottest women I’ve ever…” She suddenly snapped her hands over her mouth. “...Um, computer, delete that last sentence. I’m still...ah...suffering the effects of the unknown pheromone. Ahem.”

Taking a deep breath, she restarted. “What follows is my encounter with the plant-like organism, designation ‘X-2,’ and the rogue geneticist Emma Cambrian, also known as ‘Professor M.’ Despite receiving excessive exposure to the bioengineered pheromone, I believe my training and willpower have enabled me to resist its effects. What follows is my professional unbiased account of the confrontation.”

As Alicia spoke, her hand unconsciously started to move towards her shorts. “It all began when I discovered the new lifeform…”

* * *

OUR GALACTIC HERO ALICIA IN: THE PERILOUS LAB OF PROFESSOR “M”

EPISODE ONE: TENTACLES & THIRST

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ALICIA IN THE PERILOUS LAB OF PROFESSOR “M”!

EPISODE 2: REUNIFICATIONS & RAMIFICATIONS

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