HTML CYOA Twine Game - Need help and beta readers

[Nobody Cares]

I am not sure this is the right sections to post such a request, I apologise in advance should that not be the case.

I am currently writing a Choose Your Own Adventure game using Twine and I could use some pointers, both tech-wise and content-wise. I did my best to follow all the guidelines in the forums and should be ready for uploading the first chapter.
I could really use some advice on the writing and the mechanics. My idea is writing a parody of the drow from the Forgotten Realms, with a heavy enphasis on lesbian, futa, incest and fantasy creatures content.
I am posting the alpha version on this section, hoping the community might help me with the following matters:

1) I could use some beta reading. The most important thing for me is writing something worth fapping to reading and I really would love if anyone was willing to give me some pointers on how to make the writing more compelling. This first chapter is 18680 words long, divided into 2 main paths and a few minor variations. I will add more characters and possible paths in future chapters, but this should be enough to give players an idea of what I have in mind.
2) What mechanics should I employ (if any). The only inserted so far are the diverging paths and a hidden character affection counter, I wonder if it would be better to make them visible.
3) Any mistakes I should avoid using Twine?
4) Inserting art in the game. I commissioned a beautiful title screen for the game but I am unsure how to properly insert it. Can anyone help with that?
5) Making proper links to the game

Links to the game:

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[guest1492]

NOTE: I haven't tried your game, but I did notice you're using the Harlowe story format.

A very brief explanation of putting a title screen in your game:

1. Create a passage for your title screen.
2. Make sure that this passage is your starting passage.
3. Tag this passage with something unique (eg "titleScreen").
4. Add the links you expect to see in a title screen (eg "New Game", "Load Game", "Credits", etc).
5. Modify your story's CSS:

tw-story[tags~="titleScreen"] {
    background-image: url(your_title_screen_image_path);
    background-repeat: no-repeat;
    background-size: cover;
    background-attachment: fixed;
}
tw-story[tags~="titleScreen"] tw-sidebar {
    display: none;
}

 

[Nagozo]

I quite enjoyed your story!
Giving precise feedback is hard, but I'll leave some of my more general thoughts.

The writing is pretty good, overall. The story starts off strong in my opinion (especially with that first paragraph), but I sometimes got a bit lost in all the names and early descriptions. Perhaps it's because I'm not familiar with the source material, but maybe the text would be a little more accessible if you spread some expository parts a bit farther apart.

As it currently stands, the story very much feels like a (branching) novel. There's definitely an audience for that, but consider how 'gamey' you want this project to be before continuing. I personally don't mind the hidden affection counters since it's more in line with a 'book-like' feel.

Some small notes on presentation: people typically don't like to scroll too much while reading. Some of your passages are pretty long, and could potentially be broken up into more bite-sized ones. Especially for people reading on smaller devices (phones) that'd be more user-friendly.
Finally, maybe I'm just missing something, but it would be cool to have a simple menu to make navigation easier. Right now, if I want to replay, I need to click the back arrow a bunch of times. I'm not familiar with Harlowe, but just a 'restart' option might be nice. Also, once the story gets bigger and more branches become available, allowing saves is probably worth considering as well.

Good luck with the release!

 

[Nobody Cares]

I quite enjoyed your story!
Giving precise feedback is hard, but I'll leave some of my more general thoughts.

The writing is pretty good, overall. The story starts off strong in my opinion (especially with that first paragraph), but I sometimes got a bit lost in all the names and early descriptions. Perhaps it's because I'm not familiar with the source material, but maybe the text would be a little more accessible if you spread some expository parts a bit farther apart.

As it currently stands, the story very much feels like a (branching) novel. There's definitely an audience for that, but consider how 'gamey' you want this project to be before continuing. I personally don't mind the hidden affection counters since it's more in line with a 'book-like' feel.

Some small notes on presentation: people typically don't like to scroll too much while reading. Some of your passages are pretty long, and could potentially be broken up into more bite-sized ones. Especially for people reading on smaller devices (phones) that'd be more user-friendly.
Finally, maybe I'm just missing something, but it would be cool to have a simple menu to make navigation easier. Right now, if I want to replay, I need to click the back arrow a bunch of times. I'm not familiar with Harlowe, but just a 'restart' option might be nice. Also, once the story gets bigger and more branches become available, allowing saves is probably worth considering as well.

Good luck with the release!

Man, this is great feedback. Thank you so much!